The Best Way to Hide

As a child I was good at hiding, both in the physical sense and emotionally. Along with any quiet kid comes an ability to retreat into themselves and I took advantage of mine. It was super easy to sit in a crowded room and watch without getting involved. Nobody worried about what I thought. No one gave it a consideration. I learned a lot about human behavior and body language and communication. Taking in so much and keeping it secret felt powerful. All my impressions were mine alone. I had no reason to fear criticism or judgment.

But time changed me. College professors encouraged expressions of opinion. My work as a teacher put me front and center with a responsibility to release my inner assessments. I married a man in ministry, thrusting our family into the public eye on a regular basis. I helped with a Bible study and found when I admitted to personal thoughts and emotions, even the ugly ones, others related and found comfort. Slowly I emerged, embracing each change as part of growing up, as a step in making me who God had in mind.

But there are days I miss those hiding years, the years as a child when no one knew what ideas ran through my head and no expectations were placed on me because of them. Being stuck at home sick last week brought back the comfort of hiding and made me wonder what God expects of me. Am I to follow my natural instinct to hide or accept where God placed me and allow myself to be out there?

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

Doesn't sound like much room for hiding there, huh? Yet I know He's designed me as an introvert. This doesn't get me off the hook from shining His light, but how can I stay true to His creation in me yet faithful to the call He's placed on my life?

I do all my hiding in Him.

How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you.
In the shelter of your presence you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.

Psalm 31:19-20

When I want to escape, I don't run for the privacy of my mind, I run to His presence.

Are you like me? Do you have days you yearn to hide? Call out to Him. Immerse yourself in prayer. Put yourself in His presence. Ignore the expectations around you and focus on One thing.

Find the best way to hide.



Photo Credit: Susan NYC

7 Quick Takes (Volume 122)

1) I've spent the entire week down with the influenza bug. My mantra at home has always been "I don't get sick" which is usually true. I guess when I do, I do it up big. As rotten as I've felt this last week, I think I'm good for another ten years.

Kudos to my family and friends for picking up my slack. Kevin proved again why he is Superman, shooing the kids upstairs in the evenings so I could have quiet while sacked out on the couch. He even did some laundry--go figure! I never figured! I think he did more loads of laundry this week than he's done in our entire married years combined. The upside is now he agrees we probably need a new washer. Truly there's a silver lining to every cloud, no?

2) One bad thing did happen during my forced hiatus. Since my kids spent so much time in their attic oasis, they developed a new habit.


They got hooked on Glee. UGH. (LOGAN! First the brownies and now this?! You're killing me babe!)

3) Kevin and I were sponsors on a drum line trip last weekend. At one point I looked across the bus aisle and saw a girl reading a Cosmopolitan magazine. The cover, in huge letters, said something about sex (doesn't every issue of Cosmopolitan have something to do with sex?!). In a strange twist of juxtaposition, the girl covered herself with a Care Bear blanket. Maybe I'm crazy, but something about that picture is a little scary, don't you think? Cosmopolitan sex talk and a Care Bear blanket?! Yikes.

4) Ladies Man is not playing in the Beatrice drum line, but didn't want to be left out, so he joined on as a student manager. He is basically a gopher and sets up the sound system. But since he has an artistic flair about him, his brother asked his help in designing their mat. I think he did a pretty good job.


And here's how the Beatrice line looks in action. Can you see Drama Queen's facial expression (snare player in the red shirt)? See what I mean about never messing with her when she's got drumsticks in her hand? She's scary without drumsticks, but with them, ooh, it makes me shudder.


5) Saturday's competition was the first time Drummer Boy's group wore their new costumes. They're kind of an Elvis/Dracula/Mr. Roboto look, if you ask me. As strange as they were, I thought Drummer Boy rocked the costume personally. Miss Innocent One was just glad to see him. Can you tell?


And here's a picture of him in action with his dancer, Aloha.


6) I eat a lot of nuts. They're healthy, they're satisfying and I really like them, but I'm constantly catching grief from my family about it.

Drama Queen: What are you eating?!

Kevin: You got your little baggie of nuts and berries?

Ladies Man: Geez, Mom, you're like a squirrel.

And now, every time Ladies Man sees me reaching for the nuts, he must utter.

Ladies Man: I could say something.

Zip it, smartypants!

7) Sadly, spending your life on the couch for several days in a row does nothing to further you on a quest to never be an episode of Hoarders. No purging this week, but I realized I never showed you Drama Queen's finished closet.


You can't see it in this picture, but this closet is pretty big. Behind the door is a full length mirror and in the left hand corner she keeps her hamper. She shuts the door behind her and uses it as a changing room. Now she has no excuse to get her room clean, and yet we're still waiting. . . Don't worry. I'm not holding my breath.

That's all for this girl today, folks. Have a terrific weekend. Find more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

The Humility of The Receiving End

When we first moved to our community twenty years ago, we weren't exactly rolling in the dough. We had one baby, one income and one car, but two student loans to pay off, a house payment and new expenses that come with a child. Money was tight, VERY tight. I often laid awake at night wondering how God would meet all our needs when the income and expense columns didn't jive.

Enter the body of Christ, who provided our needs in unconventional ways. One family gave us a side of beef. Another gave clothes. One couple even gave us a car! While I was grateful for these kind gestures, part of me whined to God.

"Why couldn't you just give us the money we need instead of these gifts? I don't like feeling indebted to people. I don't know how to handle that."

But God, in His incredible good form, was teaching us humility. You have to swallow a lot of pride to accept extravagant gifts from people and He gave us ample opportunities. When I finally succumbed to His plan, the gifts touch me deeply. I found myself saying, "God, why me? Why give us all this?" I experienced first hand the essence of today's quote.

“Nothing humbles and breaks the heart of a sinner like mercy and love. Souls that converse much with sin and wrath, may be much terrified; but souls that converse much with grace and mercy, will be much humbled.”

~ Thomas Brooks (1608 – 1680) ~
We were much humbled, and at the same time completely overwhelmed by His love for us. Not only did God provide for our needs, but because they came through other people, He established relationships to enhance our lives forever.

Isn't He brilliant?!

If you find yourself on the receiving end of a lavish gift, accept it as His offering of grace and mercy. Give the gifter a blessing by embracing their compassion with great joy and thanks. Humility is precious in the eyes of God.

He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.

Psalm 25:9

Welcome humility into your life and see how He uses it to bring you closer to Him. His way leads to righteousness. Our own ways often lead us astray.

Which will you choose? The humble path which brings grace and mercy or the independent one that terrifies?

Join our host Twinkle Mom for more impressions of this quote at Sunflower Faith.

So Much For Being Mary Poppins

I want to be a Domestic Goddess, the perfect mother, wife, homemaker. Think Mary Poppins surrounded by dozens of chirping songbirds and happy, smiling, dancing children who all think I'm the cat's meow.

Or something like that.

Maybe I didn't fly enough kites with my kids, I don' t know, but they seem to need a good swift kick in the pants more than they need a spoonful of sugar. Come to think of it, I can count on one hand the number of times we actually got kites flying, not for lack of trying, I'll have you know.

Truth is, this mothering gig requires more than being the fun lady who makes taking medicine a joy. On any given day, I have to be a world class sleuth, a patient counselor, a tutor, a seamstress, a hairdresser (true confession time--I really stink at those last two!), a chauffeur, an advocate, a short order cook, or a master drill sergeant. With so many faces and hats involved, no wonder I get so fried I feel like the abominable snowman in this video.


No, I've never been Mary Poppins. Some days I'm Cruella DeVille, others I resemble Barney Rubble. My poor kids never know what they'll walk into. But I guess what's important is that I keep going in. I'm not the perfect mother, but I'm always here. That counts for something, right?

Mothers of the world unite. We can do this. Hang tough. No Mary Poppins required.

7 Quick Takes (Volume 121)

1) People tell me I am transparent. I've always thought it a good trait until I had this conversation with Drama Queen.

Drama Queen: It's LSD month at youth group.

Me: Love, Sex and Dating?

Drama Queen: Yeah.

Me: Oooh, that's my favorite month of youth group.

Drama Queen: I'm sure it is.

Me: Why do you say it like that?

Drama Queen: Oh please, Mom. I know how you feel about sex.

Me: What?! How can you possibly know that?

Drama Queen: You can tell. Besides, we've talked about it. You've said things.

Yikes. What kind of sex vibe am I giving off?

2) My friend had big news about Valentine's Day. Much to her delight, her husband planned a romantic date full of surprises.

"He's been Kevin-ized," she said.

Husbands, let the revolution begin! Find out how very little it takes to romance your wives. You too can be Kevin-ized!

3) And speaking of my man, he is still going strong . We are on week seven and he hasn't let up. (I don't think it has anything to do with the whole blogosphere holding him accountable now.) As another of my friends put it, "Kevin is a rock star!"

Amen sister! But I'm thinking he's getting something out of this too. The other day he wrapped me up in his arms and said, "I kind of like this romance thing."

"Yeah?" his contented wife murmured.

"Yeah. I like what it does to you. You're all warm and fuzzy. I like it."

Husbands, are you hearing this?! Give an ounce of effort and your wives will turn to jello, fulfilling your every desire.

4) Case in point: Valentine's Day. We were stuck going to parent-teacher conferences so celebrating that evening was out. Because my husband has been Mr. Wonderful, I thought he deserved a little something too, so I arranged a surprise lunch rendezvous. Let's just say we had such a good time my husband was late getting back to work.

Hmmm . . .is this the kind of stuff Drama Queen was referring to?

5) And now something from the files of you-don't-see-this-everyday.


We've been driving this truck around town for at least two weeks loaded down with all this junk from our latest remodeling projects. I feel like a total hick when I park this puppy in any business parking lot. One day last week I was backing out and it killed while I was half in and half out of a stall, then wouldn't start again! Talk about embarrassing!

I felt like I needed to apologize as I drove the babysitter to Bible study the other day.

"Sorry you have to ride in the Hillbilly mobile," I said.

"It's no big deal," she said, completely unfazed, "I'm from Arkansas. Everybody's truck looks like that there."

Ha! Remember she said it, not me! But here's what really puts this in the you-don't-see-this-everyday file.


How many rednecks keep Rachmaninoff and Debussy in their front seat?!

6) You know it's coming. Time for my quest-to-never-be-an-episode-of-Hoarders update:

I got the mother-of-all file cabinets cleaned out this week. YES! What once fit in two and a half drawers, now fits easily into one and a half, and I was able to put my personal files in the now spacious bottom drawer.

I also cleared the closet in Drama Queen's old bedroom which is becoming a FANTASTIC office. Love it, love it, LOVE IT!! Splendiferous writing is sure to flow from this sacred chamber.

(Now if only I could find the time to finish the painting job so I can show you pictures!)

7) I fear my kids' spouses will talk bad about me someday when they realize my kids aren't great vegetable eaters. I try, really I do. I always serve it and make them take a little. Last night Ladies Man felt it necessary to make his opinion known.

Ladies Man: Broccoli is sick. Yuck.

Me (playing June Cleaver): Broccoli is one of the healthiest foods there is.

Ladies Man (unimpressed): Broccoli punches happiness in the face.

Oh brother. Watch out Drama Queen. Someone's gunning for your title.

That's all she wrote today, friends. Tune into more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Running and Growing Old Gracefully

I'm convinced the person who coined the phrase, "growing old gracefully" had to have been a man. A man doesn't worry about how to get their eyeliner straight on a droopy eyelid. The gray at a man's temples is "distinguished." Men's wrinkles give them character. Women's wrinkles are just wrinkles.

I'm feeling frustrated with my advanced age again. I've been back to my new running routine for the last couple of weeks and doing pretty well. I've run my own race, not trying to keep up with my friend. My knee's been feeling good. I've increased my distance. Last Friday I actually ran 3 miles straight (although at the pace I was going, calling it "running" may be a stretch)! A 5K was totally in my grasp.

And then on Saturday, as I got to about the one mile mark, I felt a pull in my right calf. I was able to run through it and make it to 2.5 miles, but the leg was sore the rest of the weekend. On Monday, I decided to be smart about it and baby it along a little. I rode a bike and lifted weights instead of running. At the same time, two of my friends (two of my YOUNGER friends) ran on treadmills across the room. As we left the gym for the day, I couldn't stop my curiosity and asked them, "How far did you guys run today?"

They tried to be very nonchalant about it and gloss over it for my sake, but the facts spoke for themselves. They'd gone 4.3 miles. 4.3 MILES! I got in my vehicle and actually chanted out loud, "Run your own race. Run your own race. Run your own race!"

And then on Monday night, I noticed my ankle and area around my heel were swelling up. There was no pain, but it was definitely not normal. Great, I thought, now I'm retaining fluid! Am I really that old?! The swelling kept getting worse and by Wednesday I thought it bad enough to ask my medical professional friend about it. His diagnosis? Not a pulled calf muscle, but a strained Achilles tendon. Grrr. "What is my problem?!" I whined to him. He tried to be gentle as he suggested the body breaks down more often the longer it's been used. "Even professional athletes who are in great shape have this happen as they get older," he reminded me. He was trying to assure me it had nothing to do with my fitness level, but all I heard was, "You're gettin' old, Tam."

BLEH.

My mother and a friend of mine have suggested this running gig may not be a good idea for me. To be honest, I'm not enjoying it that much, but have this intense desire to reach my goal of a 10K. Am I trying to prove I'm not old? Am I thinking that keeping up with the whippersnappers will make me young? (Oh brother, using the word whippersnapper in the first place just aged me thirty years.) Am I fighting the natural progression my body wants to take? Does pushing myself in this area mean I'm NOT growing old gracefully?

I'm not sure what the answer is, but I know I'm learning a lot about humility. God continually reminds me to run my own race, which I'm finding is a good LIFE lesson. Learning to ignore the pace of others and concentrate on my own journey will stop the comparison games. That's got to be a key component in growing old gracefully, right?

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4

I have to finish this race. I have to complete my goal. Don't worry, Mom, I'll be smart about it. I'll baby my injuries and take it slow. I'll rely on God's promise to sustain me and hopefully learn the art of gracious aging.

What to Do With the Yucky Days

I have every reason to be happy, ecstatically happy.

Yet sometimes . . . I'm not.

I get stressed and anxious and worried. Some days I think I stink at everything I do. I fret over the future. A lingering sadness sets in I can't explain. I blame most of it on stupid hormonal changes or lack of sleep. Occasionally, though it may sound strange and melodramatic, it feels like an all out attack by Satan, like no matter what I do he holds me down.

I analyze myself to death (to the exasperation of my poor husband and friends) and come up short. I try to figure it out so I can snap out of it, but when I can't, it's one more thing to beat myself up about.

So I ask God, "What am I supposed to do with this?" I wonder what He expects of us in these melancholy days (I know you have them too. I see it in your eyes.). How does someone honor God in the way they handle the not-so-good times?

But you, man of God . . . pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. (1 Timothy 6:11)

if we endure, we will also reign with Him . . . (2 Timothy 2:12)

Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. (Titus 2:2)

Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come upon the whole world to test those who live on the earth. (Revelation 3:10)

We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Thessalonians 1:3)

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. (Romans 15:4)

Seeing a trend? God values ENDURANCE--the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.

What does this mean for us on those mopey days? What does He expect of us?

He wants us to simply endure them. We are to live through them without giving way, without succumbing to self-pity and whining. We don't have to like them. We don't have to spend hours analyzing ourselves to understand why we're feeling like we do. We don't have to make anything of them at all. We honor Him by living through them without complaining. We only have to endure, for "weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

What better way to show our faith?



Photo Credit: johnath

Not Letting Worry Get the Best of Me

My mind is swirling lately. So much to worry about!

Taxes (bleh!).

With kids in college, there's the dreaded FAFSA.

Traveling to show choir and drum line competitions every weekend takes a serious bite out of our bank account.

This Spring we've got a kid graduating from high school (Woe is me!).

Another is just starting to drive. Yikes.

Our youngest is needing braces.

Before the end of the year we'll add another car and another driver to our insurance policy.

There's plenty to keep this worry wart awake at night.

I take it to God like I'm supposed to. I say, "God, why do I always have to worry about something?"

He says, "You don't. Trust Me to handle it."

“When I get anxious I know I have gone from God’s time to my time and it’s a waste of time.”

~ Charles Stanley ~

I waste A LOT of time worrying. Instead of filling my head with mental calculations and trying to figure it all out, I know what I need to do.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Proverbs 3:5

It sounds so simple in theory. I guess I'm a slow learner. It takes practice to say, "Okay, God, here's my problem. I trust you to handle it." But I'm working on it. I hope you are too. The payoff is stellar.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

I'm all for perfect peace. How about you? For me keeping a steadfast mind means working hard to fill it with the Truth about God.

Are you not much more valuable than they (the birds)? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you.

I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful.

As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

So do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

We can do this. We can eliminate worry from our lives, but it takes practice. Will you join me? Will you replace worry with Truth?

Join our host, Karen, at In Love W.I.T.H. Jesus for more posts on this quote.

A Valentine Conversation

While driving home from school, Ladies Man tells me of a new discovery.

Ladies Man: I've learned something about women.

Me: Oh yeah?

Ladies Man: They want you to know what they want.

Okay . . .

Ladies Man: Everybody keeps asking me what I'm getting my girlfriend (of less than two weeks, I might add) for Valentine's Day and I don't know what to get her. My friend (a MALE friend) told me, "Why don't you just ask her what she wants?" But I thought if I had to ask, she might not find me as attractive.

Me: I don't know about making you attractive, but women do like to be surprised.

In his Valentine angst, he was about to run a stop sign.

Me: Uh, stop sign.

Ladies Man: Oh yeah, sorry. Well then this other friend (a GIRL) pulled me aside and asked me what I was getting my girlfriend for Valentine's Day and I told her I wasn't sure. She said flowers are always a hit.

Me: True. You can never go wrong with flowers.

Ladies Man: Well, then I asked her if it was true that if you have to ask the girl what she wants, she won't be as attracted to you and she said, "Yeah, pretty much."

Me (another time at another corner): Uh, stop sign!

Ladies Man: Ugh. There's so much pressure! Anyway, it's a good thing I listened to her instead of my other friend. She suggested maybe plastic flowers.

Me: Eh, I don't know. I always think it means more when the guy's willing to spend the money on real flowers knowing they will die. It's like he thinks you're worth the frivolous expense.

Ladies Man: Yeah.

Me: Do you know what her favorite candy is?

Ladies Man: I want to get her more than that!

Me: Why don't you do what you did for Christmas when you shopped for your sister.

Ladies Man: Ew, Mom, she is NOT my sister.

Me: I know, but use the same principle. You paired something she would like and something that screamed of your personality (earrings tucked into a Cookie Monster pouch).

Ladies Man: I don't know.

Me (at yet another intersection): Uh, stop sign.

Ladies Man: I can't drive when I'm stressed!

Me: What's there to be stressed about?

Ladies Man: Everybody's asking what I'm getting her. I just hope I get Dad's good jewelry picking gene.

Me: I do too. You would do well to imitate your dad. Here's what he does. He listens really well and then stores the things I like somewhere in his brain. Then when an occasion comes up . . .

Ladies Man: He pulls out the Tami file.

Me: Mmm hmmm.

Ladies Man: I'll probably get her flowers and something else. Drama Queen said she'd take me out to get something.

Me: Good plan.

We arrive home in one piece, miraculously without running any stop signs.

Ladies Man: Wow, I really can't drive when I'm stressed.

I laugh to myself, knowing that at fifteen years old his days of agonizing over gift selections is only beginning. In case you're wondering, his Valentine is getting three red roses and a HUGE bag of her favorite candy. Not bad for a novice.

You're just starting, Ladies Man, but you're on the right track. Here's your mother's best tip: WATCH YOUR FATHER!

Happy Valentine's Day, friends!

7 Quick Takes (Volume 120)

1) Miss Innocent One is getting up close and personal with the curse of being the youngest child. In the last week she's been the only kid home for five nights and spent all day Saturday with us. Her dad sympathized with her.

Kevin: Well, Miss Innocent One, you're stuck at home with Mom and Dad again.

Miss Innocent One: Yep.

She paused for a smile.

Miss Innocent One: I'm okay with that.

Isn't she sweet?! It's comments like this that earn her the title "Perfect Baby Angel Child" from her siblings. I keep wondering why they don't follow her lead and learn to butter up their mother!

2) The kids had a conniption over the young pictures of Kevin and I from Wednesday's post.

Drama Queen: Oh my gosh! You guys are the weirdest couple ever. Dad looks like a weirdie. You definitely grew into your looks.

Ladies Man: Just think about us. We already look good. We're going to look awesome when we're married.

Drama Queen: Yeah!

Ladies Man: High fives.

Oh brother. I hate to break it to 'em, but their kids will think they looked weird too.

3) Miss Innocent One has a terrible habit of talking on the phone with a friend while she's doing other things in her bedroom. The other day she sat in her chair quietly when her friend asked the question.

The Friend: Whatcha doin?

Miss Innocent One: Reading a book.

The Friend: Why?

Miss Innocent One: Because that's what happy girls do.

Duh!

4) "Your blog," my mom said, shaking a finger at me, "is causing me to clean out my closets. The problem is, I think I'm just moving things from one closet to the other!"

I love it!

And my-quest-to-never-be-an-episode-of-Hoarders-update:

This week I started to clean out a very overstuffed file cabinet. It's gonna take a while! BABY! I found papers in there from 1986, records on vehicles which are long gone. There's almost an entire drawer of stuff from my teaching years which ended in 1990! Shall we call it the mother-of-all-file-cabinets?!

I also organized a shelf in the foyer closet (This is the daughter of the mother-of-all-closets. I'm doing it in shifts.) and cleared the bottom drawer in a massive file cabinet in my living room. Baby steps.

5) Here's a peek at how we've been spending our weekends lately.


This is Drama Queen in show choir. She's the pretty girl in the front row on the left. Every time I watch her perform I get a little teary-eyed seeing her so beautiful. My little girl is all grown up. Start praying now, people. This mama's already having a tough time thinking about this girl going off to college.

6) Smart aleck teenagers. When Drama Queen and Ladies Man were very late getting home after school, I texted to see where they were. Here's the response I got:

The earth jk jk lol :) we had to take a few people home

And speaking of texting, my kids have been telling me forever that I need to use T9. I've got an ancient, cheapo cell phone and have been texting the old-fashioned way, punching the number multiple times until I get the right letter. It's getting old and my texting is cutting into my living time, if you know what I mean, so I finally decided to give T9 a whirl. The problem is my cheapo phone will guess the wrong word and I have to switch back to abc mode to fix the errors. I'm not sure if it's worth using yet, but I'm sticking it out, giving it a good try.

The other night Drama Queen was at work when I took Ladies Man and Miss Innocent One out for dinner. I texted her to let her know where we were. I T9-ed my way through and meant to go back later and correct the wrong words my T9 chooses, but hit send instead. What I meant to send her was: "We are at Runza if you want to join us or I could bring something home."

What she got was: "We are at runwa he you want to john up or i could bring something good."

I thought for sure Drama Queen would have a heyday with it, but apparently she's used to my texting inabilities, because she responded with this: Chicken strip meal with a side salad would be great. I'll be there in 10 or 15 minutes.

7) My wonderful husband has been working his tail off remodeling Drama Queen's old bedroom into an office for me. Pictures will come as soon as I get the faux painting done on the walls which look bleh right now. This week Kevin brought home some COOL furniture to put in it. This man knows what I like.

Maybe it's the afterglow of our engagement anniversary, but this guy can do no wrong in my book lately. We're attending a marriage seminar at our church this weekend. If my warm fuzzies continue to grow, our kids may want to find somewhere else to go! Oops, now I did it. TMI.

I think you'll agree it's time for me to quit. Have a great weekend, friends. You can catch more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Another Reminder to Press On

I'm sitting on a weight machine at the Y, catching my breath, feeling the strain of my workout which is almost over, when Hoss, the biggest mass of muscle I've ever seen in person, the MASTER trainer approaches.

"I'm wearing down, Hoss," I say.

(Imagine a thick Dominican accent) "But you have to keep going," he says.

"I know. I'll finish."

"You have to. It's like the Bible and Jesus. You have to follow through or you're gonna be in trouble. Oooh, baby, you don't want that." He shudders with big eyes and I smile.

No, I don't, Hoss. I don't. I will press on.

. . . Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Philippians 3:13-14

25 Years Ago Today

Twenty-five years ago today, I dropped, face first, into the couch, exhausted, wishing the day could be over. For some reason, Kevin decided we needed to stop at his parents' house before driving back to campus, but his parents left to get gas and run to the post office (who runs errands on Sunday nights?). We were stuck there waiting for them. I was annoyed. And crabby. And tired.

Kevin kneeled on the floor next to my head, trying to brush the hair away from my face. I let him know my annoyance and didn't respond.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered, my face still firmly planted into the couch. I wasn't making it easy on him.

Undaunted, he drew close to my ear and spoke softly.

"Will you marry me?"

I thought he was dreaming. We'd talked about getting married, but being poor college students, it seemed a far off proposition. Why toy with my heart now, when all I wanted to do was get home and go to bed? Why bring it up again and rub salt in the wound? I didn't even look at him as I said, "I am really NOT in the mood for this tonight."

"No, really," he said, backing away, "I have a ring and everything!"

I turned my head to see him on one knee holding an engagement ring.

Guess who perked up pretty fast?

Thus began our adventure of being yoked. The poor guy should have known what he was getting into, right? Yet somehow he is able to look beyond my faults and love me completely. What a tremendous blessing he's been.


To my dear, sweet, wonderful husband--how I love you! I appreciate the selfless love you consistently give, even when I act as ugly as the day you asked me to marry you. Thanks for asking. Thanks for putting up with my moods. Thank you for joining me in life's journey and making the ride pure joy. I can't, and don't want to, imagine life without you. I love you!

Building Faith Muscles

Three years ago, when Drummer Boy was a senior in high school, I realized all of my children would be out of our home in ten years. I immediately asked God to tell me what I needed to do in that ten years to be prepared for the next chapter of my life.

In true God form, He gave me three specific BIG things to work on--get an advanced degree, write the novel on my heart and build a writing platform. Pretty intimidating things, but given a ten year window, I thought they were doable. At first I tried doing all three at once and not only wore myself out, but ended up feeling defeated, like I was getting no where, only spinning my wheels. God gently told me to take one thing at a time. Building a writing platform is a long-term, gradual thing, so I'll always be working on it, but the other two are possible to knock off in a couple of years each. So I concentrated on the novel for a full year. It's pretty tough to make it a priority when I have no idea what will become of it, plus life crowds in, stealing my time away. Some things are more urgent than writing thousands of words no one reads.

Now our next child is a senior in high school and I'm evaluating my progress. And feeling frustrated. The writing platform is coming along. Slowly. The first draft of the novel is only halfway done and because of circumstances in my life, I'm wondering if I should switch gears to the advanced degree. I know what I need to do in the next seven years, but don't know how or in what order. These three goals are in addition to my normal activities. How can I fit it all in? Do I need to give up something to accomplish this? I want God to be very clear (and told Him so), yet the answer He gives me over and over is, "Keep doing what you're doing." Sigh.

“Learning to wait on God’s timing and having the patience to follow his lead rather than running ahead of him is essential to those who are committed to seeing their faith journey through to the end. God seldom rushes things along. Getting used to his pace will help you in the long run.”

~ Essentials for Life For Women by Marcia Ford ~

I totally understand that God's timing is not mine. Totally. And I'm okay with that most days, but when I look back on my life, I wonder what I've accomplished. But there's the problem. I'm looking to see what I've done, not waiting to see what He'll do.

He's asking me to build faith muscles, not sprint to the finish line.

God says, "Trust Me," with my material needs, my loved ones, the future, and WITH MY TIME. I do today what He places on my heart to do and then do it again tomorrow, trusting He will accomplish what concerns me today.

Can I get an advanced degree, write a novel and build a writing platform in the next seven years? Not on my own power. The last three years have proven that. If I want to reach the goal, I've got to do it His way, in His timing, trusting Him for each day's activities. I won't quit asking God for specifics on how to do this, because aren't we supposed to bring everything to Him? One day He'll show me the path. Until then I'll learn to rest in His timing and follow His clear words, "Keep doing what you're doing." The waiting will strengthen my faith.

What are you having a hard time waiting for? Can you use it to build your faith?

To read what this quote inspired in other people, visit Deborah at Coffee and Chocolate.

My Christian Testimony

This month we take a departure from our normal Marriage Monday fare to get to know each other and think back to our First Love. How did you get acquainted with Jesus? As soon as I got the e-mail from e-Mom about this month's topic, I wished she was present so I could kiss her. I actually wrote out my testimony for a friend's blog on Friday, so I was already prepared! This meant I would not be up late Sunday night writing a blog post. Yippee! As I recall, I did some silent pumping of the air and may have let a yelp loose. Happy day. Thank you e-Mom!

So today you get to hear how I became a Christian. My conversion story is not dramatic. I never rebelled against my parents, wasn't promiscuous, didn't get into the drug and alcohol scene. I've always followed the rules. Throughout my teen years, my sister and cousin continually teased me about being square (uh oh, my terminology just dated me). I used to think I was boring, but as I've gotten older I realize the path God chose for me has been a huge blessing. I don’t have garbage to overcome. I haven’t endured years of therapy. I’m not living with the consequences of sin choices.

I was a shy little girl, a shy, overweight little girl. My sister, just two years younger, was the opposite of me in every way. I have black hair and brown eyes. She is blond and blue-eyed. I was bashful and quiet, she outgoing, the life of the party. My sister is the kind of person that captures a room upon entering. You can’t help but notice her and want to be around her fun personality.

My parents didn't treat us any differently and I always felt loved, but I compared myself to her all the time, coming up short in my own mind. People laughed with her, engaged her in conversation, wanted to be around her. She garnered their attention, while I, being more subdued, was easily overlooked. My inaccurate assessment of our family dynamic caused me to feel less valuable. She was cute and witty and fun. I was fat, timid and boring.

Our family attended a local Presbyterian church. Junior high (ugh—another dated word!) kids were required to attend confirmation classes. This setting provided my first awareness of a personal God.

“God has a special plan for you,” the pastor said, “Jesus wants to come into your life and make you new. You can’t imagine what He has in store for you.”

I remember thinking, “What? God has a specific plan for ME? I’m not destined to a life of living in my little sister’s shadow? Could I be special?!” How I wanted it to be true.

I said the prayer we were taught to pray, asking Jesus to become part of our lives, but after I did, I didn't feel any different. There was no indication at all I’d been heard. I assumed my prayer didn't “take” and for several months kept asking Christ to become part of my life.

And then I started reading the Bible. I read things like, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” and “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding” and “Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” The words sunk deep into my young soul, making me want more. They stirred my spirit which longed to know my purpose. The more I read, the more I believed I might be special. The Word slowly transformed me and showed me Truth about myself. The changes were not dramatic, but significant nonetheless.

In the last thirty-five years, my spirit has been continually refreshed and challenged by His Word. It’s gotten me through many sleepless nights. It assures me of who I am and Who I belong to. The Bible makes sense, more than anything else out there. Its prescription for life works. A friend told me recently I am living the blessings of my good choices. I don’t know if that is true or why God chose to spare me from the grief many people suffer because of their past. Sometimes I feel bad about it, but then He reminds me, “To whom much is given, much is required” and I determine the best way to thank Him is to love His people well. So I make it my life ambition to point people to God.

I still can’t believe He looked down, saw this shy, little fat girl and said, “I want her.” Incredible. I am changed for the better and eternally grateful.

Do you feel like I did--overlooked, unimportant, not valued? God offers great hope for you, my friend. Reach out to Him, read His Word and see how He can make you shine.

And if you're interested in reading other conversion stories, visit e-Mom at Chrysalis. May you celebrate your First Love this Valentine's Day.

7 Quick Takes (Volume 119)

1) I'm guest posting on a friend's blog today. This guy is close in age to Drummer Boy and has been through quite a bit in his short life. In the last year or so God got a hold of his heart and it's a joy to see his passion for Christ. He asked me to share my testimony and didn't even mind that I'm such an old fart compared to him. If you're interested in where I've come from, click over to Derek's blog.

2) I sat down in church last Sunday to find Kevin rummaging through my purse. It took all of two seconds for me to raise my eyebrow at him.

Kevin: I needed some gum.

Me: I don't think that's allowed. Who said you had free reign in my purse?

Kevin: We are as one. Your purse is my purse.

Me: If you're a metrosexual, shouldn't you have your own purse?

3) My-quest-to-never-be-an-episode-of-Hoarders-update:

I sorted through papers on and near my bread box. This doesn't sound like much of a feat, but you need to know I stack papers and mail in these spots for months. MONTHS. The pile of papers on top of my bread box was halfway to the bottom of the cabinet. Plus, it looked unkempt and plain icky. I also cleaned out a few files in my file cabinet. The job of the entire cabinet will be coming soon. I can hardly sort through that puppy.

And I should explain to you why I haven't gotten too much dehoarding done lately. It's not that I've been shirking. I've been busy in our attic, taping, sanding, priming and painting a soon-to-be walk-in closet for Drama Queen. See?


According to my logic, this will improve the efficiency of my organization immensely, so it is actually part of the dehoarding process. My work here is done. Now Kevin and his dad will finish up, doing trim work, inserting cubbies, hanging two sets of racks and attaching some shelving units. She'll be a beauty!

4) Growing up totally blows. Poor Drummer Boy had to spend time last night talking with his parents about W-2s and and taxes and mileage and direct deposit, junk like that. On a positive note, he left with food.

5) For some reason, my husband finds my absentmindedness with house plants quite endearing and loves pointing out my failure in nurturing our little green friends.

Kevin (suppressing the roar within): What's the deal with that plant?


Me (saving face): I think it's defective.

Yep, defective plants exist. I've had a TON of them.

6) On a related note, Ladies Man stood in the kitchen, fingering a decrepit aloe vera plant.

Ladies Man: All our plants are dying, even the fake one in the dining room (referencing the same plant his father did!).

Me: It's not fake!

7) We were out of our normal hair styling product and Kevin went out to buy more. Imagine my horror when I saw what he purchased. AXE pomade. Hello, my darling husband, what did you think I was going to use?

Me: Yeah, thanks a lot for buying the Axe. What about me?

Kevin: Well, I didn't know what you would want.

Me: Now I have man-smelling hair.

He thought I was joking and laughed it off.

Miss Innocent One (sniffing my hair): It's true. It does kind of smell like man. It's like part woman, part man.

Drama Queen: What does that make you, a transsexual? Or a hermaphrodite?

Oh my. All this sexual defining is getting out of hand, don't you think? I think it's time to reprogram my children. Yikes.

Enjoy your weekend and read more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Snow Days Are Exhausting

I'm trying to figure out why I'm so tired. With school called off, I've slept in the last two mornings, WAY later than usual. Yet at the end of each day I'm more worn out. What gives?

Tuesday, I never left the house. I spent the morning working on tax stuff (Grr and bleh and yuck), doing laundry and feeding the natives. Later, I finished a patch job and picked out paint for a new office (YAY!!!!! Thank you, honey!!), sanded and primed a walk-in closet, continually told my kids it was too cold to go sledding and wrote a blog post.

Yesterday I did laundry (It's the story of my life really. I gotta do three loads a day to stay on top of it, but don't feel sorry for me. I find my little laundry room quite soothing with the dryer humming. So quiet, so warm, so serene. Aah . . .), tried running again (For those of you following my running saga, I must tell you I ran for two solid miles without quitting--WOO HOO! And I'm not even going to tell you it doesn't count because it was so SLOW! I ran my own race, baby!), went to an appointment, helped the kids shovel snow, finished up my Bible study, answered some e-mails, cleaned the house, made dinner, hosted Bible study, did more laundry (It's the story of my life really, oh wait, I already said that.) and wrote a blog post.

I suppose there's a reason for me to be tired, but when I think of how late I slept both mornings, it doesn't make sense. Here's what I think the problem is. I'm exhausted from being around people all day and night. I'm going through human interaction overload and acutely feeling my need for time alone. Does that make me sound like a terrible person (or just a wordy one)?

I love people, especially the people who live in my house, but our snow days have shown me I'm truly an introvert.

What did you get from your snow days?



Photo Credit: WxMom

What Should Friends Be?

I'm trying to decide if I'm an egomaniac.

As I think about my friendships, I realize the people I like to hang out with are those who build me up, who believe the best about me, who make me feel good about myself. They think I'm fantastic (even though they KNOW me) and make me feel fantastic when we're together. Are they my friends because they stroke my ego?

What is the purpose of a friend? Is it to make others feel valuable? What does it say about me that my relationships give me good vibes about myself? Is that bad?

What do you think about this? Is it a natural phenomenon to be bound to others in some sort of mutual admiration society? Or am I making my friendships all about me?

Am I an egomaniac?

Changed

“I will never be the same again, I can never return, I’ve closed the door. I will walk the path, I’ll run the race and I will never be the same again.”

~ lyrics by Geoff Bullock ~

Some people have dramatic conversion stories. But I'm not one of them. Pre-Jesus Tami wasn't much different than the current version. God didn't rescue me from a life of addiction or abuse. I had no sordid history with boys. My family made me feel loved and cared for. I've never been one to break the rules. My biggest display of the rebel within occurs when I wear my tiger-striped bra no one sees.

But one shouldn't mistake my lack of behavioral metamorphosis as an indication of God's ineffectiveness in my life. On the contrary, I am forever changed by His touch. You may not see the difference, but it's there. I notice it when I'm tempted to yell at my kids and instead take a deep breath and turn the other way. It shows up when I'd rather not stop to talk, but listen anyway. I see it when I decide to trust my husband or e-mail an encouraging thought to someone I barely know or exercise patience with the slow poke in front of me. I know I am forever changed when I'm able to say no to temptations and accept His will even when it doesn't make sense. These reactions are not my human nature. It must be God. So even though my path to Christ has been relatively uneventful, it is nonetheless powerful, for a transformation has taken place.

He has done a major work in my heart.

What about you? Do you wish your conversion story were more flashy? Do you have trouble seeing what He's rescued you from? Don't dismiss the work He's done in you. You'll find His imprint in your heart.

If you'd like to read what others have to say about this quote, join our host from across the pond at MiPa's Monologue.