Is there such a thing as being too honest? Are some things better left unsaid? If a friend came to you and asked your honest assessment of her, would you give it? Would you hold anything back? Can "iron sharpen iron" if the whole truth is not revealed? Are we humans capable of gentle tact? And is tact or tempering our answer real honesty? Are there times we are not able to handle the truth? Should our opinions hold any weight with others? Is a true friend one who says it all or one who knows how to keep her mouth shut?
Help me out, people. What do YOU think?
6 comments:
Lighten up, girl. It's FRIDAY.
--BG--
Okay, you know I love it. You're just like me. So many questions. I think I may have to do an entire post of my own, just to begin addressing these thoughts.
I'll just say one thing about your last question: I believe a true friend speaks the truth when it is appropriate, and keeps her mouth shut when necessary. After all, we often have opinions that masquerade as truth. I've had two wonderful friendships nearly destroyed because of too much "truth" telling, when the truth was actually liberally mixed with emotion and opinion. This is extremely painful! And it takes a long time to recover from. Sometimes, the friendship never recovers.
I think the difficult part of all your questions lies in the nature of "truth." How often is it really objective reality, and how often is it simply our own view of things? If we take the stance that "truth" is rarely so clearly true, then I think we have to also realize that to hold back from speaking it can often be a good thing.
But as you know, it is much more complex than this! Thanks for making me use my brain this snowy Friday morning. :-)
I think people can tell when something is said in complete love, and in that case full honesty is then accepted. But so often what we think we are saying in love ends up with other intents behind it. I think motives also have to be weighed and the good of the other person needs be the motivator to impart criticism at all. I think honest assessments of others can be tempered and still remain "honest", the personality, mood and level of friendship must be taken into consideration.
Just my two cents!
Rachelle: Your point about opinions masquerading as truth is well taken. Good thought I needed to hear.
Christine: You remind me how complex friendships are! Thanks for your two cents.
The thing about iron sharpening iron is the relationship of the two iron objects. One does not necessarily have to be harder than the other to sharpen it. For example: I remember my Granny sharpening her kitchen knives by swiping one w/another. I haven't been able to duplicate the process, but it worked for her. The trick was in how the friction took place between the two. Certainly the fact that the two were being used by an experienced person made the difference. As long as friends are being used by the Master- He will direct how each one sharpens the other.
Wow, what a complex question. Sometimes I do wish for someone to be completely honest with me. I think there is a time and place for complete honesty but it depends on the relationship. Some people think they've earned the right to be totally honest with everyone they meet and I'm always wary of that kind of assumed honesty!
Recently, a coworker=s choices hurt me. More accurately they disappointed me, supremely, and he walked smack into a mine field of my old hurts I didn't realize still existed. I'm not angry at him specifically; he just lobbed a grenade on a very fragile belief system.
I have been praying and trying to figure out the best way to resolve this. Precisely, how much truth is enough to make the situation right, without causing him hurt that is unnecessary?
I did NOT want to talk to him, but also knew I had to. I did briefly last week only to tell him the source of my hurt and he genuinely apologized. It helped, only some. I think he is doing worse. I feel shaken, but will heal. He is still bothered enough that he has mentioned it to a coworker. If he's anything like me, his imagining is much worse than the truth. It hangs in the air.
I know my "truth" is highly charged with opinion and emotion. Both are colored by past hurts. I continue to give this over to God. I know He will provide healing. (Hmmm, maybe this is one of His steps in that healing.)
The issue is not resolved and I should talk to him again. How do I say more without him feeling like I am judging him? How do I show God=s love and grace and point him to Christ in spite of my own faults?
Gal 6:1-5 Is a great encouragement/warning paraphrased...We must restore relationships with the focus of restoring people to Christ, HOWEVER, in the process examine our own motivations lest we think more of ourselves than is right.
Eph 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only what is good for edification. . .that it may GIVE GRACE to those who hear.
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