I Have to Hope

I look at it and don't see how it will work out. I pray about it, all the time, and have for years, yet things don't seem to change.

But You whisper, "Trust Me."

There's much to be thankful for and I am, but the issue persists. It's not a life and death situation, but it's close to my heart and I want better. But it doesn't come.

You say, "There's a plan. Hang on."

TRUST Me.

You leave me with a choice.

I can lay awake at night and worry and rack my brain for a solution I won't come up with or I can trust You, choose to leave it in Your hands.

Easier said than done.

But the more times I have to do it, the stronger my resolve grows. I WILL believe You, because I have to. If I don't trust, beyond all I can see, that You'll take care of it, I have no hope and then what am I left with?

Fear.

Worry.

Anxiety.

But WITH You?

The possibility of hope and peace.

That is what faith is, isn't it, believing what we cannot see? Isn't this what Abraham is commended for?

Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping—believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, “That’s how many descendants you will have!” And Abraham’s faith did not weaken, even though, at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead—and so was Sarah’s womb.

Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises. And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous.

Romans 4:18-22

We can have that same faith, friends, but it comes at a price. We'll have to deliberately choose to trust His way of handling it, though it may not be the way we like and take far longer than is comfortable. We have to trust God above all else, no matter what, even with our hardest problems, our toughest challenges. We have to.

What is the alternative?

Without blind, child-like faith, there is no hope, is there? And who can live without hope? Who can get up each morning without the possibility of better, without thinking of what a new day may bring?

I choose to believe God's got it handled.

I choose hope.



Photo Credit: cobalt123

One Big Picture

. . . With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

2 Peter 3:8

If to God every day is as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day, does He see all our days as one? When He looks at us, does He see us at every age?

When I first came to know Him, as an awkward, shy adolescent, did He see the woman I would be today? When I felt abnormal because of my weight, did He whisper, "Just wait. It'll get better," but I didn't hear? When I cried in my bedroom as a teenager, wondering when my turn for love would come, did He see my wedding day? When I chided myself for not speaking up at my dad's 50th birthday party, did God know He would have me do it at Dad's funeral fourteen years later? When I felt sick about my parents' divorce, did He see the comfort I would give my friend going through the same thing shortly after?

And what about now? When I stress about writing projects, does He see the completed work? When I worry about the future of my kids, does He see who they are at 40? Does He shake His head and say, "Just hang on, Tam. The trial will be worth it"?

When we worry about what is, does He see the big picture? Does He see what WILL be, the end result to His perfect plan?

The thought comforts me somehow and encourages me to be patient. When I think about painful times and imagine Him knowing, in the precise moment of our pain, how it turns out for our best, I wonder why I ever worry or fear anything. There is a plan for each of us. Every day is part of it. He sees each tear, each victory, each burden, each celebration as one unit, one beautiful tapestry He constantly creates with our name on it, weaved together specifically and purposefully. Gently. Lovingly. Completely good.

Does this help you accept and cope with your difficulties?



Photo Credt: mararie

Being Short-sighted?

I'm taking this week off to celebrate with my husband. I hope you enjoy this from the archives, originally posted July 16, 2006.


I've been worrying about money AGAIN. It seems our monthly expenses keep going up. It's nothing new, but it gets so tiresome. I woke up feeling depressed about it today and asked, "Lord, we work so hard to do things for You and it seems we never get ahead. Why do we always have to worry about money?" (Whenever I ask Him this He always answers, "You don't. Let me." I'm getting better. Practice, practice, practice. UGH! Do you think it would all go away if I actually learned this lesson?)

I went to church and heard about farm families in our community getting hit by hail and a woman whose family has had MORE than their share of health problems having to go to Mayo Clinic and felt guilty for being a whiny baby again. These people's losses were so much greater. Thinking about the problems of those around me made me a little weepy. Why does this life have to be so hard? I don't get it, Lord.

I know I can't see the big picture and I'm not supposed to. If I could see it all I wouldn't have to trust God. I wouldn't grow in my faith. I get that, but I don't necessarily like it.

Our pastor preached on Deuteronomy 10:12-13 and asked us to examine whether we truly obey God in every area of our lives. Nothing blatantly sinful came to mind, but I still asked God, "What don't I obey?"

I got a resounding, "DO NOT FEAR."

Yowsa. It's all over the Bible, over and over and over. And yet I still fear. Why do I worry? I'm afraid.

I wish I had eternal eyes. I wish I would always remember "our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17) God, in His mercy, is providing me opportunities to learn. I need to embrace the tough times. Through them, I will learn not to fear.

Forgive me, Lord, for wishing away growth. My "problems" are proof You are still working on me. Thank you for Your graciousness. Forgive my short-sightedness.

STRESS!

It all started when I began preparations for graduation and then Miss Innocent One got a tomato cage shoved into her leg and the antibiotic for the puncture wound attacked her colon, giving her massive cramps and making her miserable and a day later Ladies Man had a bout with a stomach bug and my laptop crashed and I think I fainted on the dining room floor . . . no . . . no, it was before all that.

It all started when my washing machine overflowed sending water raining into my kitchen and forcing us to buy a new one which was about the same time we paid the new student enrollment fee for Drama Queen to enter college and soon after discovered we needed to make a room deposit for her dorm and senior pictures needed to be paid for and Miss Innocent One started treatment with an orthodontist . . . wait, it was before all that too.

It all started when show choir and drum line competitions kicked off and we were out of town every Saturday, spending tons of money on admission fees, eating out and gas about the time the prices started to climb and my birthday made me sound old and a college visit needed to be made with Drama Queen and I contracted influenza A and everybody else in the family except Miss Innocent One got some form of it missing school which meant I had to ride Ladies Man about makeup work and . . . oh, just a minute, it was before all that too.

It all started around Thanksgiving and we were madly working on the set for the Christmas musical which opened the first week in December and I worried about how it would be received and I had to find a costume for Miss Innocent One and keep my family fed and supplied with clean clothes while being gone every night at rehearsals or performances and being gone every day painting my life away on the set and I hadn't even thought about Christmas shopping or the dollar signs that accompany it . . . but no, that's not right either.

It all started in August when Drummer Boy left our house after a great summer at home and moved into an apartment making me wonder if he'd ever live at home again and my baby started middle school and I realized Drama Queen began her year of lasts in high school and I got sad thinking about next year at that time and our fall activities kicked into gear, taking up every Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night every single week and I knew Ladies Man would start driving and shortly after be added to our cell phone plan and . . .

Who am I kidding? It all started when Adam and Eve bit into that stupid piece of fruit! There will always be stress. ALWAYS. It is not based on our circumstances. It is part of life as a human. When I ask God why there's always something to worry about, He gives me the same answer.

You don't have to worry about it. That's what I'm for. Trust Me.

We don't have to walk around a bundle of nerves all the time. God makes provisions for us.

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

If I spent half as much time trusting God as I do worrying, I'd be one serene lady. It takes work to pray about the current stress and really leave it there. It's hard to turn my mind from dwelling on the latest issue or mentally adding the newest expenses that bombard. But if I do, there is peace and calm and aaahhhh . . .

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Instead of stressing myself into a frenzy, I'm going to spend my energy trusting.

Because peace never keeps me awake at night.



Photo Credit: bottle_void

Thankful for the Yuck

A bad ending to an otherwise fine day drug my spirit in an already weary body. Why can't problems stay fixed? Why are new ones always waiting in the wings? At a loss for a solution, I tried to take my mind off of things and read of fear and God's unbelievable fulfillment and faith.

How will He make good from any problem? I don't know, but He promises He will. He whispers gently, "If faith is not tried, is it faith?"

I get His point. It's easy to have faith which takes no effort, but is no-effort-confidence truly faith?

"In this world you will have trouble," Jesus said, but each trial strengthens my faith.

Make it so, Lord.



Join the Thankful Thursday team at Spiritually Unequal Marriage.

Defying the What Ifs

I worry about a lot of things. I'm getting better as I get older (another advantage to aging), but I still lay awake some nights feeling very small and inept to handle life's problems.

I worry about the big stuff, like how we'll get four kids through college and how long our vehicles will last and how we'll ever be able to retire.

But I also sweat small stuff, like what if I don't like a new furniture arrangement or what my kids will get for lunch or whether I should color my hair or not.

And then there's things I should never waste the energy on. What if I never amount to more than I am right now? What if I never make a mark on this world? What if I don't have it in me to reach my goals? What if God's plans are different than mine?

What if I become disabled? What if my husband dies suddenly? What if God calls us to move? What if our income is drastically slashed? What if someone I love is diagnosed with cancer? What if an accident claims the life of someone in my family?

I know I go to the extreme, but these things happen to people every day. Why wouldn't they happen to me? It's tough to live on planet earth. And painful. And scary. Who knows what a day will bring?

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 ESV

I cannot predict the future. I can only live for today. Yet whatever is ahead for me, God tells me I will not go through it alone. Whatever tragedy, joy or sorrow are to come, I am commanded to be courageous, to press on despite the fear inside, because I am never alone.

YOU are never alone.

Never.

So when the "what if"s wail, I pump myself up instead of drag myself down.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed.

I replace anxiety with Truth.

The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Even if I have to say it 347 times, I keep repeating it.

The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

And somehow the words seep into my being.

The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

And I start to believe it.

The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

The fear dissipates.

The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

And I know I can handle tomorrow.

The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

You can do it too, friends. Defy your "what if"s. Believe the Truth.

The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Amen.

To read what this quote reminded others of, click over to Typing One-Handed.

In This Moment

My husband drops into bed with a sigh. Everyone is worried about money these days and our family is no different.

I snuggle in close. In the quiet of the night, the tasks of the day completed, the warmth of my true love next to me, I ask him.

In this moment, does it matter?

If we concentrate on the good, the beautiful, the eternal, can we silence the anxiety?

I think of my wonderful mother, whose birthday is today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I LOVE YOU!), and in my quiet reflection of the consistent blessing she is, in this moment, my empty wallet means nothing.

Watching my family banter back and forth at the dinner table, in wonder of the way God is shaping my kids, in this moment, who cares what my bank account registers?

I sing praise to God on a Sunday morning, flanked by some of my favorite people, the voices of hundreds filling the room in one purpose. The presence of God overwhelms me and a tear slips out, not because I fear my economic future, but because I know in this moment God holds me in the palm of His hand.

The baby reaches for me, his chubby hands brushing my cheek, his wiry hair just begging to be rubbed and in this moment, in God's beauty flowing out of this precious child, the world seems simple and right. All I feel is great gratitude for God's goodness, not concern over providing for the future.

At the end of a long day, exhausted and spent, I fall into an oversized chair with my husband, our limbs tangled comfortably. He laughs at my stupid comments about the t.v. show we're watching and the cares of the day float away. In this moment I don't worry about how to pay for the rising costs of a growing family. I see His faithfulness before me.

Do money stresses wear you down? Do you worry about how you'll pay for upcoming bills? Do dollar signs flash in your weary mind? Don't go there. Live now. Live here, in the middle of your blessings.

In this moment.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

Photo Credit: The Wandering Angel

Eliminating the Obstacle

When I walk into a crowded room, I see are people who are stronger than me, people who know more, speak articulately and look better, people who laugh freely with others, whose kids seem perfect, people who appear to have mastered the art of adulthood with style and grace. I take in the scene and feel like a little girl. How can a woman of my age still feel so small?

I read in God's Word I am to be a light. I am to go out into the world. I am to be His witness, His ambassador. I'm supposed to represent Christ to the masses. How am I supposed to do that when I feel so inadequate? What is my problem?!

I'm an introvert. Introverts possess many strengths including humility, thoughtfulness, good listening skills, an ability to access a situation accurately, but it is also easy as an introvert to step back, to guard myself. It's tempting to disengage from others and say nothing, making myself stoic and unapproachable.

If I let those weaknesses have their way with me, I am ineffective. My introverted ways are an obstacle to being what God has called me to be.

I can't be a writer if I'm afraid to say anything.

I can't lead Bible study by sitting in the corner soaking in the words of others.

I don't pass along the lessons God teaches by smiling politely and offering nothing.

I have to eliminate the obstacles, those things which cause me to cower from my responsibilities to God. I have to throw off that which hinders.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Hebrews 12:1

Victory doesn't happen overnight. It's a process. Over the years God has gently nudged me out of my comfort zone, teaching me to put aside my introverted tendencies. I keep the good that comes from them--the listening skills, the intuition, the empathy--and push aside the fear of sticking my neck out, the fear of exposing too much.

When I throw off my hindrances, Satan can't steal my confidence. He tries. He whispers in my ear all the time, "Why did you say that? You should have kept your big mouth shut. Who do you think you are? People aren't responding to you. You're better off letting someone else handle that."

But greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. I must fight Satan. My weaknesses have accompanying strengths God expects me to use for His glory. How can I say no?

God's given us exactly what we need to accomplish His plans, yet Satan convinces us we are not capable. He either tempts us to ignore our gifts or leads us into sin, distracting us from the task at hand. We remain ineffective, carrying around guilt and a nagging sense we don't measure up. But it doesn't have to be this way.

We can fight. We can throw off that which hinders.

What is your obstacle? What's keeping you from running the race marked out for you?

I challenge you to identify it. Fight the fear. Use the power of the Holy Spirit within you to throw it off, to eliminate the obstacle. Be bold enough to be what God intended you to be. Just say no to that aggravating sinful habit. Step out of your comfort zone. Push yourself, trusting God to take you where He's called you. Ignore the flutters in your stomach, your pounding heart and do what God asks.

Throw off everything that hinders.

Eliminate the obstacle.

See what He makes in you.

7 Quick Takes (Volume 63)--Happy New Year

1) We had a Christmas miracle last week. Our pet gecko, our lizard whom we've been feeding with a syringe for at least six months, ate a worm on his own! He's also had some trouble with shed lodging in his right eye. It's next to impossible to help him out with it. Ladies Man worries I might poke his eye out, but it looked drier than usual Christmas night, so I got out my handy dandy tweezers and dislodged a hunk of stuff half the size of my pinky fingernail! We actually saw his eyeball! Now, it's oozing over some again, but I'm thinking there's still hope, the kind I have with my plants (wait, maybe we should be worried). He's eaten worms on his own all week. I'm thinking he can finally see straight to catch them!

Poor Elmo. He gets all nervous whenever I pick him up. Doesn't he know I'm saving his life?!

2) We're having TWO rescheduled Christmas celebrations today, thanks to the Christmas Blizzard, but I'm not complaining. The snow gave us two whole days to hang out at home watching movies and such. We even played games with each other. And you'll be happy to know something about the weather put my kids in a low-key mood. I didn't wish for ear plugs once!

3) The worst bummer concerning the blizzard was Drummer Boy's trip to the Holiday Bowl being canceled. We spent all afternoon on Saturday getting dug out and preparing to get him to Lincoln in time to catch the bus, only to find out at the last minute the trip was canned. I feel bad for the kids AND the directors who had to make the call. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

4) For the last few years, instead of making new year's resolutions, I've chosen to concentrate on one word. I've been praying all week about what my word for the year should be. Last year I chose FOCUS which God managed to hone in me until about November when life got hectic. Sigh. Was there progress? I think so. I know I did a better job of scheduling my time when possible, but sometimes it made me feel like a bad friend.

The only word that's come to mind so far for 2010 is scaring the snot out of me--TRUST. What must a person go through to learn to trust God better? Start praying now, people.

5) Drama Queen started a new job at an old folks' home this week. After only two days of working she's regaled us with all kinds of good stories. It's going to be good fodder, I tell you. From one night we've heard about the guy who has a parakeet he named after himself, the escape attempt, the woman who will never forget Drama Queen's real name because she only has to add one letter to her own and, shall we say, adventures in showering? She's going to learn a lot about compassion and serving.

Drama Queen also made an important discovery this week.

Drama Queen: Did you know if you drink a cup of milk in the middle of the night, you wake up with the worst breath ever?

I am actually familiar with the phenomenon, so I knew exactly what she was talking about.

Drama Queen: I did it last night and when I woke up this morning I was like, "Ew, what is that smell?" and then I realized it was me!

So be careful with your milk consumption, people, or be prepared for noxious gases.

6) Oh. My. Goodness. We had a WONDERFUL evening with friends last night to bring in the new year. Good food. Good laughs. Good talks. Good times. It couldn't have been better. Thanks, guys, for a perfectly lovely evening. It's too bad my old body can't handle little sleep the way my younger body did. I'm a tired puppy this morning. But it was totally worth it. Love you!

7) 2010.

Hard to believe the 80's were thirty years ago now! We were discussing last night how the whole Y2K scare was ten years ago now. And think about how far technology has progressed in the last ten years. Holy moley, I'm sounding like an old fart!

But I'm a happy old fart who loves her life and wishes to leave you all with a word that matters today.

Finally, brothers, good-by. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

2 Corinthians 13:11,14

Happy New Year!

If you've got some time on your hands, read some other Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

My Irrational Fear

I spend a lot of time on my computer every week and I've started to worry a bit.

What if my butt gets bigger?

I'm not kidding. Think about it. Sitting for hours at a time it's bound to start spreading, isn't it? When God calls you to a work, he doesn't automatically remove the occupational hazards, does He? Dentists probably get bit every once in a while. Firefighters risk their lives every time they go out on a call. Hairdressers cut themselves on sharp scissors. Coal miners never come out of a mine clean. Mechanics live with greasy fingers. Singers get hoarse after a long tour. Young mothers are consistently bleary eyed. Politicians get windy. Celebrities gain stalkers. Even the most skilled carpenter hammers their thumb now and then.

Do aspiring writers get big butts?

I exercise regularly, but an hour several times a week can't outweigh many hours on my tushy, can it?

This is not good.

Got any suggestions? I know of an author who situated her desk so she could sit on one of those big exercise balls as she typed away. I'm not sure I have the coordination for typing and balancing at the same time. I once broke my wrist rolling a tire down my driveway.

Is it self-centered to pray your backside doesn't grow?

What can we do to alleviate the fear in this economic crisis?

First off, don't let my confident title give you the wrong impression.

I am a big, fat weenie.

I worry and stew about money as much as anybody. I am full of what ifs. I lay awake at night like the rest of you. I consider the cost too much sometimes, bordering on obsessive.

So to write a post about alleviating fear over the economy may be biting off WAY more than I can chew.

But as I was dealing with my own fears this week, it occurred to me I can handle this worry like any other I have dealt with throughout my life. I find I get too far ahead of myself causing undue stress, so I ask myself a series of questions to focus on one day at a time.

Is there anything I can do about this today?
If so, I push myself to do it. If not, I spend my energy pushing it out of my mind. There is no sense dwelling on something I can do nothing about. (Yes, this is easier said than done, but everything gets better with practice.)

What can I be thankful for?
There is always more good than bad in my life. I just tend to focus on the bad. Concentrating on the good gives me a better perspective.

Has God ever let me down?
Recalling past history with a very gracious God reminds me my fears are unfounded.

What is true about TODAY?
Do I have what I need? Always.
Has my situation changed? Hardly ever.

I know these sound simplistic, but I have found them to be of GREAT comfort in stressful times, helping me think rightly (or sometimes not at all) about the current crisis. It absolutely takes practice to train your brain this way, but the benefit of a peaceful heart and mind is worth it. "One day at a time" is more than a nice adage. It is a healthy way for our heads to live.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

Resisting. . .again

Anxiety ate at me. . .for days. There was no reason for it, yet my body reacted. At night as I lay in bed, my heart beat faster, my stomach gurgled, my mind raced. In the day I could be distracted for small periods of time, but a simple thought would send the panic rippling again, churning my gut.

What do you do when your feelings are irrational, yet existent nonetheless?

I prayed. I read my Bible. I journaled. I talked to my husband. Nothing helped. I went into enduring mode.

All at once it occurred to me this anxiety could not be from God. It was not warning for some impending disaster, for there was nothing to do. The uneasiness could only be coming from one place.

Mmm hmm.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong., firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:8-10

Another lesson in resisting (YUCK!), but how do you stop yourself from feeling? I came up with a battle plan.

I started with my mind.

You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3

I need a steadfast mind that dwells on God instead of the anxiety. I have to quit thinking about things which bring it on. It's SO MUCH EASIER said than done, requiring constant effort. It takes a lot of practice to force your thoughts elsewhere, but it is absolutely necessary.

I focused on Truth.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

I presented my requests to God. I prayed for peace.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Resisting is no easy task. It takes EFFORT, lots of it, but the payoff is worth it. Without some resistance, Satan will continue picking. If I don't push back, I make myself an easy target. I can wallow in misery or I can fight. If I don't resist, Satan will snuff me out and rob me of the joy God intended.

It is war, but I don't fight alone.

As the verse says, "the God of grace. . .after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

Does the suffering last longer if we succumb to it, letting ourselves worry and stew? Does peace come more quickly if we resist?

I'm not sure, but in choosing peace and joy, I will resist. Satan will flee. And God will restore me.

Choosing Hope

I hate change.

Always have.

Every fall as a kid, I'd have dreams the night before school started, worrying about what the new year held.

I hate it when shoes wear out or you have to replace an appliance or your vehicle bites the dust, because what if you don't like the new things as much as the old?

Choosing a new paint color can be exhausting. How do you know it will give the room the right vibe?

I've never lived farther than an hour away from where I grew up.

Deciding on a new activity is a headache. How will it affect my family, my time, my stress level?

I even get a little jittery moving the furniture around.

So it's no surprise to me this election process has been unsettling for many. No matter who was elected, black or white, man or woman, Republican or Democrat, a new leader would be moving into the White House. What will it mean for us?

Anxiety and apprehension about change is nothing new. Change caused the Israelites t0 wander in the wilderness, be taken into captivity and reject the Messiah. But let's not forget it also paved the way for God to display His power (remember the Red Sea, the walls tumbling down, the fiery furnace?), rescued them from slavery, brought them to the Promised Land and provided a way of salvation for ALL men.

Generations of God's people have worried about the future for their children and maintaining their livelihoods just as we do. They faced uncertainty and fear. How did they cope?

They looked to the only thing that never changes, the Maker of heaven and earth, Almighty God.

I the Lord do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.

Malachi 3:6

We are not destroyed either, no where close. We are safe in His control. As much as it goes against my nature, I choose to be thankful for change. Without it I would never have experienced marriage, motherhood or some really great relationships. I would never learn to trust or hope or dream.

As change begins in our country, I'll keep my eyes on God, pray for those in power and look expectantly for His hand. Worrying over the direction our country is headed accomplishes nothing. Instead, I will embrace this change as a time for new possibilities and opportunities to see God in action.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100:5

Visit other Thankful Thursday participants at Grace Alone...

Three Wishes

One of the most wonderful things about knowing God is that there's always so much more to know, so much more to discover. Just when we least expect it, He intrudes into our neat and tidy notions about who He is and how He works.

~ Joni Eareckson Tada ~

I've always been a firm believer in the power of prayer. My first encounter with God was the result of a "Hail Mary" prayer I sent up as a ten-year-old. I knew God could do anything. I just needed to be bold enough to ask for it. So, shortly after I was married, I decided upon three things I wanted in my life in the next five to ten years. I started asking God for a house, a baby and a van. I was flexible enough that I didn't even care what order they came in. (I'm good like that!)

God granted my first "wish" with a baby that had to have been conceived on our very first try. See, you just have to believe.

Next to come was the house which was nothing short of a miracle. Of the four years we'd been married, we had only one year where both of us worked full-time, so we weren't exactly rolling in the dough. Yet God provided a great little house for us in an unexpected way. Check number two. Way to go, God.

One more thing and my life would be complete. The trouble is it took a while for the van. I told myself we didn't really NEED a van. We only had one kid, so a van was probably overkill. I didn't quit believing, but I didn't stop praying either. A few years later came kid #2 and things were a little more cramped in our Chevy Cavalier, but God provided a bigger car and we were fine. When we filled the back seat of the Corsica a few years later with kid #3, I knew our want had become a need and I got excited knowing His word promised, "my God will meet all your needs. . ."

True to His form, God directed us to the van. Not just any van, one with all the bells and whistles. Very cool. It was almost too good to be true. We had spent all of our married life scraping by and this was MORE than what we NEEDED, so I felt a little guilty. I reminded myself I had been praying for this for years. I needed to be thankful, not distrustful.

I didn't sleep well the night we brought the van home. A general sense of anxiety kept me awake most of the night. I tried to shrug it off as being worried about the money, but I knew it was more than that a few days later as I was reading the paper. I saw an article about the dealership where we purchased the van. The owner had been arrested for fraud. People were paying for cars, but not receiving the titles on them so they couldn't claim ownership on them. Banks started repossessing the purchased cars to pay the debt of the dealer. My heart started beating pretty hard. Guess who hadn't received their title yet?!

The nightmare got worse when the transmission suddenly went kaput. We were facing a $1700 repair for a van we didn't officially own. Add to our financial worry the cost of an attorney to help us sort out the mess and this tight wad was stressed out!! I wasn't exactly thrilled with the "answered prayer" that sat in my driveway for four months.

God, what are we doing here? I implored. I've prayed about this for nearly ten years. I trusted You to provide. But this...this is scary. Are you going to get us through?

One day in the thick of the ordeal, an unusual thing happened. I got a phone call from the wife of the dealer. She was a smooth talker and I imagined this being an embarrassment for her with her country club friends. I was polite, but inside I was seething. I wanted to tell her, "We live in a little house with three little kids and live on one income. You and your husband's irresponsibility are causing a major upheaval in my family's financial picture. Don't expect any favors from me." But I didn't. I let her talk. She tried to make excuses I didn't buy and promises I didn't believe. She wanted us to give them more time to make good on our deal, but the practical side of me knew that was going to be pretty much impossible while her husband sat in jail. Yet something in me felt bad for her so I finally said, "Look, you know we can't let this go, but you need to know I'm going to pray for you. I can't imagine the pressure you are under right now."

She quit schmoozing me immediately and got very quiet. When she finally did speak, her voice cracked, "Yes, yes I am. Thank you for your prayers. We really need them."

I never heard from her again and I have no idea what happened to her or her family. We ended up being one of the lucky ones, actually getting our title. After a costly repair, life went on as normal for us. Others were not so fortunate. One couple lost $20,000.

As I look back on it now, that four months was a minor blip in the story of our lives, yet at the time it threatened to be financial disaster. It didn't fit into my plan of who God was. It made no sense, but God taught me some VERY IMPORTANT lessons.

I learned life is not all about me (go figure!). I found He is trustworthy, especially when I can't see a way out. He taught me not to get too far ahead of myself. The concept of resting in His Word became very real. I grasped what it meant to care for the pain of another in the midst of my own. He showed me all people worry and hurt no matter what kind of facade they project. He taught me to live one day at a time.

Were those lessons worth four months of anxiety and turmoil? At the time I would have said no, but now, well now I know they were needed and I am thankful.

What about you? Are you in the middle of a trying situation wondering where God is? Do you doubt He is listening to you? Does it feel like He's left you out to dry? God may not always work how we would like, but HE IS ALWAYS WORKING. Can you trust Him for that? Can you wait on His timing and keep praying, knowing He is orchestrating what is best for all?

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.
Psalm 145:13b

Visit Susan at Forever His for more impressions of this quote.

"Throughout the history of God's people as given to us in the Bible, we see that life is a test. We have before us the option to trust God "no matter what," or to walk away from Him. To walk away from God is to leave the fragments of our dreams in pieces on the floor, but to trust Him is to let God pick up the pieces and make us whole again. When we choose to let Him make us whole again, he will make our lives more beautiful than before."

~ "What I Learned from God While Quilting" by Ruth McHaney Danner & Cristine Bolley~

Even before I shut the door on him, I knew he was only being nice. There was never going to be any more to this relationship than a decent guy being gracious to a shy, self-conscious girl.

I went to my room, shut the door, fell to the floor and cried. And cried. And cried.

"What am I doing wrong, Lord? I always pick the good guys, the ones who love you. Why is it they are never truly interested in me? What are you saying? Why do you keep slamming this door in my face? Are you saying you want me to be single?"

More tears. More silence.

"I don't want to be single, Lord. You know what's in my heart. Please. Don't ask me to do this. You know what I long for. How can you ask me to stay single? And if you do, how can I go against your plan for me and be happy? There is no choice here really, is there? I give it up. I have to give it up. If you want me to stay single, I'll do it. Make me okay with it. Change the desires of my heart."

I laid on the cold floor a long time, until my body was all cried out, until I was so exhausted I nearly fell asleep. I crawled into my bed, fully clothed and whispered, "I give it up, Lord. Just make me happy with it."

About a month later, a guy I knew from high school started dropping by. We had dinner together a few times and hung out occasionally, but I didn't call him my boyfriend. I gave up hope for that. This was just a guy I could really talk to. Our dinners turned into late nights in deep conversation. Our hanging out became more frequent and soon people were asking.

"We're just friends," I would answer adamantly.

But it wasn't long before my friend started taking my hand as we walked on campus or sat at a movie. And saying good bye became awkward, so much so that we set some ground rules (which lasted about a month). Before I even realized what happened, I had fallen in love.

In making me concentrate on a friendship instead of a relationship, God gave me a deeper, more lasting connection. He gave me more than a boyfriend. He gave me a mate, one that has been by my side for over twenty-one years, one who loves me better than I ever imagined.

When I think back to that night on the floor, I often wonder if this relationship would have happened without the willingness to let my desires go. Did my heart need to be broken so He could stitch the pieces of my life together better than I could have done myself?

And if the answer is yes. . .

Is it possible we all miss out on beauty in our lives because we're holding on too tight to our own wants?



Visit Nina at Waiting*For*Grace for more In "Other" Words.

Asking for Blinders

When I confessed my feelings of weakness to her, she came back with an unexpected response. She said, "I found that I did not feel strong even when people said it until I faced some fears I have. I have really dealt with those and it has made a huge difference in how strong I feel."

Hmm. . .I had to think on that for a while and pray over it.

Lord, is there something I'm afraid of? Do I have some fears I need to face?

You're afraid people won't like you.

What's wrong with that? I know I want people to like me and what I have to say, and it bothers me when they don't, but why is that a problem? I'm discovering that doing what God has asked me to do does not shelter me from conflict. Some people may be critical and judgmental and assume all kinds of things about me that may or may not be true. There will be some I love and respect who disagree with me. I have a hard time reconciling that. How can that be? How can believers see things so differently sometimes? Yet, situations like this are documented throughout the Bible. Job and his friends did not see his situation the same. Paul and Barnabas did not see eye to eye. Jesus' own people, the Jews, thought Him a radical.

What does my fear reveal? Distrust. Doesn't the Holy Spirit work within me? If I am seeking God and consistently in His word and praying and growing in my faith, how can I mess things up? Can't God take even disagreements that may arise and make them into something good? Am I trying to please men instead of God?

I know this is a pretty simple concept and in my head I understand I can't please everybody, but apparently my heart hasn't accepted the message. Worrying about what other people might think is holding me back. The same woman who gently suggested I deal with my fear also said, "If you're living a life without conflict or pain, you're playing it awfully safe." If I'm playing it safe, am I burying my talent? If I drag my feet in God's work, worried about the impressions of others, is that sin?

Any great work for God requires risk. Just ask Moses, Gideon, Esther, Paul, and Rahab. Why should I be immune? Am I willing to sacrifice acceptance, even by other believers, to obey God? Do I really have a choice?

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

Fearing people, and what they may think of me, rather than Almighty God is sin. I cannot do that anymore. Lord, help me confidently forge ahead in focused determination for You.


Photo Credit: minusbaby