Living, Leaving, and Loving

I've heard it said many times that death is a part of life.

I can accept that.

Until it's someone I love.

I sat through the funeral of my uncle this week, a man who occupied so many of my childhood memories, whose family intertwined with mine nearly every weekend. Of course I was sad. He was so close to my dad it was like losing a piece of my father all over again. Memories of family gatherings and fishing at Grandpa's pond and Val's pizza and animated card games flooded my mind. And laughter. There was always laughter.

It was hard to watch the slide show of Uncle Jim's life and see the faces of others I've loved who've left us, other uncles, aunts, Grandma, my dad. It made life seem like a cruel joke. We're here long enough to get attached and then people slowly leave us. Though death can happen any time, I know too well that as I get older the odds of losing someone I love increase. In the last 6 months alone I've lost a dear aunt and now my uncle, people who framed my childhood. As I flip pages on my calendar more of my loved ones will surely leave me. How will my heart ever take it?

And yet death is a part of life.

I can't change it, can't stop it. I can only endure it.

With living comes loving. I will always love those who pass on. But though life ends, love never dies. My aching heart confirms it. I wonder if that ache exists, persists, for a reason. The love that lingers long after someone exits this life whispers to my soul, "There must be something more. Surely this can't be it. You live. You die. You love. You lose. Life can't be this pointless."

In allowing us to love, in putting within us the capacity to carry love for others forever, dead or alive, is God showing us the eternal? And if God is love, is this ability to love a glimpse of Him? In letting us experience eternal love is He showing us Himself? Is the love we harbor deep within a very piece of God?

If so, the pang left in our hearts after someone we love dies is gift. Pure, beautiful, gracious gift.

That gift is God.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:7-12

His love is made complete in us. As we love.

People live. People leave. But love remains. Death may be a part of life in this world, but love transcends this world into the next.

Love is God.

God is love.

Small Effort, Big Impact

I can't say I know her.

She's a lady who goes to my church, but we're not involved in the same groups or activities. She's done my mammogram a couple of times, and while that sounds very intimate, it only involves small talk while you both try to appear nonchalant in a strange situation. My limited experience with her tells me she is quiet, gracious, kind, pleasant, very sweet. She's one of those women you cross paths with and think, "She's a really nice lady," but never seem to connect with because of life circumstances.

So it surprised me when I was in the church kitchen making coffee for Bible study and she passed by saying hi, that she stopped and came back.

"I'm so glad you got all the money you'll need for your trip," she said softly.

I told her how overwhelming the experience has been already and she, in her beautiful, unselfish way, listened intently, quietly, all the while her eyes sparkling, her mouth turned up ever so slightly. I blabbed on and on and when I came up for a breath she smiled and said, "I need to give you a hug because I might not get another chance."

She wrapped me in a tight embrace, expressing genuine love in a way I found somewhat surprising, yet I welcomed it wholeheartedly.

"I'm so happy for you," she said in my ear, "There are lots of people praying for you. It will be good."

I was humbled by her sweetness, her unselfish excitement for a woman she barely knows, her desire to communicate all this to me. I was deeply touched. And blessed.

She inspires me to do that for others, to push myself to tell them I'm praying, to offer a hug of support, words of encouragement. And she makes me wonder how many people are out there who love and care about what goes on in our lives though we're not aware. I am astounded at how many people have expressed their love and prayers for me and this trip. Is it possible that we all have people wrapping us in prayer, appealing to God on our behalf if only we're willing to make our needs known? I would have never imagined this beautiful lady might be on my team, but knowing so now makes me feel loved and noticed by God.

It was as simple as a short 5-10 minute conversation and a hug with sincere words.

Thank you, friend. You move me and make me sure God sees. You motivate me to love how you do.

Who can you move this day? Who has God laid on your heart?



Photo Credit: Anne Ruthmann

He's Sending Me WHERE?!

It's overwhelming.

The need, the ways I could help others, the time required to make a difference in people's lives.

I see pain in eyes buried in brave faces and wonder what I can do about it. How can I make life better for them, more peaceful, fulfilling? What can I say? What can I do to ease the burden? Do I have the energy, the time, the abilities, the resources?

And then there's the people I don't know, children looking for sponsorship, heartbreaking stories of persecuted Christians in foreign lands and stolen little girls thrown into prostitution.

So. Much. Need.

If I understand God correctly, I'm supposed to do something about it. I'm supposed to be a light that shows the way to Him. I'm supposed to overcome evil with good. I'm told Love covers over a multitude of sins.

But what can I, a middle-aged woman in Nebraska, do? I can't make a dent in reaching the vast needs, not even in my own little community. What does God expect of me?

I pray about it, and He tells me to do what's before me, to worry about today, to listen, to read His Word, to obey. I guess all I can do is what He places before me.

So I go to Bible study. I talk with hurting friends. I take care of my family. I listen to people's problems. I pray. I make phone calls and send cards and drop an email here or there. I schedule coffee dates to hash over what God's doing. I write blog posts. I hug. I tell my stories to whoever is interested. I make myself available.

I think it makes a difference. Though my actions don't seem monumental, they matter. At least I've been content that I'm doing what God's placed before me. But I never stop praying for more opportunities, for more ways to help. Suddenly God has answered those prayers in a very surprising and scary way.

He's telling me to go to Uganda.

Yes, you read that right, Uganda, as in AFRICA! He's sending me to Uganda, which is completely crazy. As a teenager, it took me MONTHS to decide to become a Christian because I was afraid God might make me go to Africa for Jesus. I've never wanted to go on a missions trip. Never. Truth be told, I'm kind of a homebody. I'm the girl that cried every day the first two weeks of college, and I was only 30 minutes from home! In deciding on work opportunities as a young adult, I purposely chose jobs that kept me close to my roots. The furthest I've ever lived from where I grew up is an hour away.

But God's been very clear.

I'm supposed to go to Uganda.

And the questions whir again. Why ME? Why NOW? What can I possibly do? What do I know about Africa, or missions, for that matter? I've never had a heart that leans that way or an adventurous spirit. Being sent to Africa for Jesus is one of my biggest fears. WHY?

God answers in His trademark, expected way.

Trust Me. Do what is before you and let me take care of it.

So I do. And I will. But I know from experience that I can do very little on my own. I need your help. Start your engines, people! Bring on those prayers.

There's way more to tell about God's crazy plan. If you're one of those people amazed by His mysterious ways, stay tuned, friend. Already this has been an amazing journey of faith and faithfulness and is giving me a whole new perspective of God. I pray you'll join me as I share the story in weeks to come.



Photo Credit: Jeff Kubina

Honoring the Blessing

We saw Les Misérables over the weekend. Powerful movie. I cried and cried afterward, struck by the sacrifices and determination of others to bless my life, especially my mother. My time on earth has been relatively easy. I've not suffered poverty or sexual abuse or physical disability. I have never wondered when I'd eat again, never felt terribly unsafe, never had to hide from someone's anger. I've not been beaten or in bondage of any kind, never had to deal with an addiction. I've not feared for my life. I've not had health issues. I've always felt loved and cared for.

Why? Why have I had it so easy while others must struggle? Many times in the last few weeks I've pondered what that means, what it requires of me. I have been greatly blessed, in so many ways, through relationships and opportunities, through an easy American life, with freedom and access to resources. What responsibility is mine because of the blessing in my life? How can I honor the sacrifices of others, the privileged life I've been given?

How do I honor the blessing?

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
Luke 12:48

These words have reverberated in my mind continually. Much will be demanded from me, but what exactly? I scour my Bible and find one answer.

Love deeply.

Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply from the heart.
1 Peter 1:22

My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.

My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!
1 John 4:7-12 (MSG)

It's a pay-it-forward mentality. I can never repay my mother for all she's done to make my life blessed, but I can give the same sacrifices for my children, for people in my life. God says, "If you love me you will obey me. Obey me by loving others." I honor the blessing by loving others well, by offering my time, my resources, my heart. And as a result, my life is even more blessed.

God IS love, a love that doesn't make sense, that goes beyond human reason, that sacrifices just because. It's beautiful and other-worldly and noble and honorable. And real. And lasting.

May God open our eyes to the opportunities to love. May He give us courage and perseverance and faithfulness.

May He help us honor His blessing.



Photo Credit: jdv+

Beauty in Sadness

Pain resided in the room, both from recent trials and difficult pasts.

Worry, concern, questions flooded. Bad memories stirred. Tears fell.

And answers were hard to come by.

But amid the hardness, a glimmer appeared in the form of shared experience.

I know what you mean.

I never understood that either.

I know God's in control, but . . .

And a group of ordinary women, whose hearts were pricked with compassion for each other, not knowing what else to do, joined together to appeal to a God they've chosen to follow no matter the cost. Though nothing was solved, His Spirit united. Sadness mixed with the knowledge that God can use it for good even when we don't understand, gave hope to press on, to keep believing. God reminded His ways are not ours.

We felt His love through each other.

Sweet realness.

Pure beauty.

A sense we've been in the presence of God.

Momentary transcendence.

Precious.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

What do you face this day, my friend? What burden do you bear alone? Might God want to help you carry it by sharing it with a trusted person? What realness, what release, what beauty might you experience by having the courage to do so?



Photo Credit: wtl photography

The Way I Know He Loves Me

I see the ugliness in me, the attitudes that need fixing, the weaknesses that make me too aware of my humanity and I cry out to God.

"Lord, forgive me. Again. Make me better. I'm a mess."

Yeah, that's true, God says, you can be a mess sometimes. You can be high maintenance and moody, exasperating and frustrating. . .

But I sure do love you.

What?! How can a perfect, holy God love puny, wimpy me?

Yet I know it's true for He surprises me in unexpected ways, with purple shoes given for no reason, a bracelet from a friend just because it looked like me, beautiful words I don't deserve from people I admire and respect, a husband who's attentive no matter how I look or act, front row seats to His work.

When He says, I sure do love you, I am incredulous, yet warm because He shows me every day in little, special ways it's true.

How else do you explain children who mock me, yet say they miss me consistently? Isn't it God's love that causes a friend to hug tight and whisper encouragement in my ear without knowing how much I need it? Aren't the smiles and nods spurring me on a signal straight from Him? He's provided sanctuary in my home, with people inside and outside my house.

And when days don't go as I wish, when troubles come, He leads me to the verse to hang onto, the Truth that will sustain. He supplies the prayer net, the friends to call in tears, the arms to hold, the bed to escape to. He leads me through, His way, and makes me better in the process.

I sure do love you.

I KNOW it and you can too. Open your eyes to God's blessings all around you, even, no especially, in the hard times. He is there. He is waiting to lift. He sees. He knows.

I sure do love you.

Will you believe it?



Photo Credit: ecstaticist

That's What Friends Are For

"Are you sorry you're my friend today?" she asked.

Some days are tough as friends. It's hard to watch each other struggle and weep and have no words to soothe. It's hard if you don't see eye to eye, if you can't explain yourself in a way the other understands. It's tough when past experiences cloud your perspective, when personal weaknesses get in the way.

But love is stronger.

So when the question came--Are you sorry you're my friend today?--the answer was easy.

"Never," came the reply, "I'm never sorry to be your friend."

For Peter tells us, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

We're human. We're gonna mess it up. We're going to say the wrong thing and hurt each other and disappoint. But if we're committed to God, at our cores we are the same, no matter our opinions or background or unique vantage with which we view life. If we love God and want to do right by Him, our hearts lean toward each other. We choose to love each other. Deeply.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

The beauty of friendship is undeserved deep love, the kind of love given at the cross, the love shown to us by a merciful, gracious heavenly Father. We are His children when we go and do likewise, when we love deeply.

That's what friends are for.

Our love displays His love. We are His vessels. So though it may be scary, we need to emulate our Lord. Dare to love deeply. Risk getting hurt. Endure the awkward conversations and deafening silences. Love even when it's hard.

That's what friends are for.



Scripture Reference: 1 Peter 4:8

Photo Credit: Xenocryst @ Antares Scorpii

When I say I love you . . .

When I say I love you it means . . .
I am for you,
with you,
honored by our association.

When I say I love you it means . . .
I'll believe the best,
see your good
and have your back.

When I say I love you it means . . .
I will fight for you
in body,
in spirit,
in prayer.

When I say I love you it means . . .
I am committed
to your best.

When I say I love you it means . . .
you are heard,
considered,
appreciated,
respected,
valued.

When I say I love you it means . . .
I am in,
good or bad,
beautiful or ugly,
easy or hard.

When I say I love you it means . . .
we are forever linked,
for I don't want to think of life without you.

When They Seem to Be Slipping Away

Glory be, my readers came through with some topics for us to discuss. The first one comes from Anonymous who writes:

Tami, I am struggling with a child who was raised in a loving Christian home who is slipping away from us, but more importantly, away from God. Please send some words to comfort me in my worry for him and my guilt that I might have not done everything I should have.

Oh my dear Anonymous, any woman with grown children has surely asked these questions, haven't they? I have laid awake many nights struggling with decisions made out of my control. I have worried and stewed and asked God for intervention. I've wondered if God heard my prayers at all when He doesn't answer how I wish. I see the worst case scenario at the end of the road and panic.

I guess this is a long way of saying, "I HEAR YA SISTER!"

I wish I had a pretty answer for you. To be honest I've felt frustrated with God's consistent answer to me.

Trust Me.

I know. Not what you really want to hear. I can't tell you how many times He's told me this or variations of this.

There's a plan, Tami.
You can't see the big picture.
For God causes all things to work together for the good . . .
My time frame is not the same as yours.
Trust the plan.

I have no choice. If I want peace at all, I have to trust. I have to believe God's got it handled and do the only thing I can.

Pray my little heart out, relying on scriptures which tell me those prayers and my persistence matter.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!
Luke 11:9-13

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

“For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually wear me out with her coming!’”

And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?"
Luke 18:1-7

. . . The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:16

I don't let Satan suggest I have failed. It's not that I haven't made mistakes. Everyone does. But what good comes from carrying that guilt? What do we say to our children if we hold onto it? Do we suggest they're horrible people? Do you want to tell them that? Not me. And how much is "enough?" How do you know you've done everything you can? We drive ourselves nuts dwelling on that. Instead, let's focus Truth.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6

I choose to believe God's got it, despite my failures.

Finally, I love like there's no tomorrow. Smiles, hugs, well-placed words from my kids absolutely undo me. I keep going back for more. I will be involved in my kids' lives, hoping my presence reminds them where they've come from and who they are. I will demonstrate that I am in their corner and they are on our team. Forever. I will always love them.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:6-7

What can you do when you're worried about your grown children?

Trust God.
Pray like crazy.
Don't let Satan beat you up.
Love, love, love.

I'm sorry, friend. There are no easy answers. As a friend of mine used to say on her blog, "Never give up." Never. Ever.

Thank you dear Anonymous, for having the courage to ask a tough question many people struggle with. I appreciate your boldness in coming forth.

What would you say to Anonymous?



Photo Credit: Thai Jasmine (Smile..smile...Smile..)

Pointing Out the Beautiful

She likes it when I tell her she's beautiful. The smile she tries to suppress and the pink in her cheeks confirms it, yet I sense as much as she wants it to be true, she doubts it. She simply can't see it in herself.

None of us do really. We don't recognize the good, the lovely, the beautiful we carry. We dismiss the comments of others as kind, but misguided. If they only knew who we really were . . .

What would it take for us to believe them?

It's easy to look at others and recognize fantastic qualities, beauty, insight, passion, multitudes of enviable characteristics. Why do we think everyone has them except us?

When I say it, I mean it. I'm not blowing sunshine up anyone's skirt. Why do I assume others are just being nice if they say something to me?

If we tell each other often enough, will we eventually believe? If we continually point out the beautiful, will it sink in one day? Do we have a responsibility to utter aloud what we see? Do we need to do it often and consistently and every single time we see it? Is this part of building each other up?

Is this love?

Though she's embarrassed when I tell her she's beautiful, I see her head rise, her countenance brighten, her spirit lift. And I wonder if she believed it, even for a short time, how might she let God use her?

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Hebrews 3:13

Encourage one another daily. Point out the beautiful. Say something when you see it, every time you see it. If we did, what might we enable each other to do?



Photo Credit: niiicedave

He Knows Me

We're in program overload at our house as the Christmas musical opens on Thursday. It's all I think about and work at, even in my dreams. About this time every year I get a little nervous, wondering how the audience will accept what we've written. I start analyzing the script for flaws, looking for places I should have worked harder. I beg God to take our measly human effort and make it mean something, to open the eyes of others to His message.

In anything you write, there's a piece of yourself in it, a glimpse into how you see the world, sometimes a peek into where you've come from or how you've struggled. One year we had a character named Hope whom everybody assumed was me. Busted. Another time I found myself unexpectedly in a little girl character. How weird it was to discover she was me on the last night of performances! How did I not see it until then? I suppose the anxiousness I feel as the show is about to open, is a fear of being exposed. If someone rejects what you've written, it feels personal, like they disapprove of you. I can hide behind the characters a little, but will someone see through them? What will they find and how will it affect their view of me?

We've been doing this long enough now that I'm letting it go for the most part, but this year in one scene there's a few lines that are actual words I have uttered. Every time we run through that scene, I'm stopped short, fighting the urge to look around to see if anyone notices me there.

"There's part of a scene that screams me," I told my husband.

Without hesitation, he rattled off the first line of the series. I was flabbergasted.

"How did you know exactly what it was?" I asked.

"I know you," he said proudly.

At first I wanted to smack him for his smugness, then I worried again that I'd be seen in the script, then I realized the gift. My husband gets me. Something about that makes me as soft and mushy as a marshmallow. This is why it's so easy to share a life with this man, to work closely together. This is why I never get tired of that guy.

He knows me.

And I am one blessed woman.


Just in case you're interested in the program . . .

Why Pray?

I pray for people.

But often it doesn't seem like it makes a difference. I wonder how much good it does when God will do what God will do. Compared to an omniscient God, how do I know what's best for another? Does it really matter what I pray?

Yet when people I love are hurting, there's only so much I can do. I can't always be present for hugs or encouraging words. I can rarely fix the problem. How do you love when there's nothing else to do?

You pray.

“And why should the good of anyone depend on the prayer of another? I can only answer with the return question. ‘Why should my love be powerless to help another?’ ”

George MacDonald

The good of another is not dependent upon my prayer. I don't possess any special connection with God that will make anyone's wishes come true. But my prayers, my attention to the welfare of another, are a loving action. It's something. Time, distance and resources may limit how we can love others, but prayers are limitless.

I can't explain how prayer works or why God tells us to do it, but I will pray, knowing His ways are best.

And I'll love others by doing so.

Find more impressions of this quote by joining my friend, Cindy, at Great Brain Ideas.

A Way to Overlook

I'm not sure when it happened, when I stopped thinking the best of her. I suppose it was about the time I assumed too much of her reaction. At some point I felt judged and found lacking and instead of mentioning it right away, I stuffed it. But then resentment built and my speculations (which may or may not have been true) grew, making me certain she thought ill of me.

We hurt each other. We disappointed and let down and got defensive. We pulled away.

Walls went up.

Grace fell.

And it's bothered me. A lot. I've always thought myself good at relationships. They've been easy for me. I've never had a tough time making or keeping friends, or I didn't use to. Why have my adult years muddied the waters of relationships?

God answered my prayers in an unusual way. When someone asked me about an entirely different subject and person, I heard myself say, "I know where she's come from and how hard it's been on her. I guess I love her so much I can't think bad of her."

A bell went off in my head taking me to my troubled relationship. That's what I've been missing.

I haven't loved her enough.

I haven't loved her enough to overlook the words that hurt, the things I assume she's thinking (which she may not be). I've forgotten what she's been through and how far she's come and the burdens she plows through every day in obedience to God who keeps telling her to go in.

I love her so much I can't think bad of her.

Why haven't I applied it to her?

Friendships can be complicated. The older I get, the more defeated I feel about being a good friend. Experience has taught me I can't meet the expectations of everybody. Demands on my time cause me to shrink away. I unintentionally disappoint. My own hurt feelings cloud correct thinking.

Walls go up.

Grace falls.

But does it have to be this way? Can't we do something?

We must love so much we can't think bad. Love looks past today. Love considers another's history, remembering that where a person comes from shapes the way they interact now. Love looks for soft spots and tries to be sensitive. Love acknowledges their work to overcome.

Love covers over a multitude of sins.

I love her so much I can't think bad of her.

Lord, make this true in all my relationships. Give me Your eyes to see into the past. Give me a greater, stronger, deeper heart. Help me love this much.



Photo Credit: :: Hello Mizu ::

When There Are No Answers

They ask tough questions, tears in their eyes. They desperately want an answer they can swallow, something, anything, to make sense of their pain, to relieve the burden of their mind.

Why does life have to be so hard?
Why does God keep saying no?
Why can't I be okay with His plan?
Why can't I trust?

I feel inept. I have no answers, no good advice, no beautiful soothing words or magic wand to wipe it all away. Life is hard. People hurt and God disappoints our earthly visions of how things should be. He doesn't always make sense, so how can I give a palatable solution? How can I explain God?

I can't. And I don't try.

Instead I listen, wondering if letting them vocalize their disappointment allows it out of their head. Like opening the valve on a pressure cooker, can speaking of it bring release? Once the words have escaped their mouths, can they rattle around in their brains any longer?

I hug, giving assurance in my touch that they aren't awful for doubting or questioning. When all else fails, I squeeze 'em tight, communicating without words.

And I pray, for peace, for endurance, for God to show Himself in a new way.

It doesn't seem like much, but it's what I have, so like the little boy with loaves and fish, I give it, trusting Him to use it. Humans don't have answers to God-sized questions, at least I don't. God's given me ears and arms instead.

The Invaluable Lesson of Mothering

Being a mother never gets easier.

It starts out rough with sleepless nights and infants literally sucking the life out of you.

Then you graduate to temper tantrums and potty training (bleh!). You get the bejeebers scared out of you witnessing falls and accidents and nursing them through illnesses. You spend a third of your life waiting for them, to get out of school, done with piano lessons, finished with soccer practice, through with their homework.

They become teenagers and treat you like an idiot and argue with you about your ridiculous rules and push your buttons and bleed your bank account.

And after all that investment, they have the audacity to leave. They live in your home long enough to drive you crazy and make you certain you can't live without them, and then they move out.

What is the point of it all? Why did God choose this vehicle to reproduce the earth? Why must He insist on ripping the hearts out of His tender creations called mothers?

I hurt for and with my kids. I lay awake at night, worrying, praying over them, wanting their best. I would do anything in my power for them and yet I haven't come close to experiencing the pain God did as He turned His back on His only Son hanging on a cross.

I can't even wrap my head around that. It makes me realize what I consider pain in mothering is nothing. The sadness I feel thinking of Drama Queen leaving for college pales in comparison. Every rough parenting moment--the fevers, the power struggles, the expenses, the loss of sleep, the constant demands on time--all seem so minor when viewed in light of that cross.

Being a mom is tough, the hardest thing God has ever asked me to do, but He doesn't ask me to do what He hasn't far exceeded. He loved. He gave. He sacrificed. FAR more than I could ever imagine.

Perhaps mothers have the privilege of feeling a glimpse of His pain, a privilege because it helps us identify with Him. Does motherhood provide some tiny bit of understanding into how much He gave?

I have no reason to complain about my hard role as a mother for He loved much harder. We love because He first loved us. We CAN love because He loved best. Praise God for the gift of motherhood, for the unique opportunity to know the mind and heart of God. May His love inspire, sustain and strengthen us.

Why Do You Care?

She took me off guard, looking at me with solemn eyes, tears brimming. Her voice choked as she asked the question.

Why do you care?

Her eyes zeroed in on my face and the pressure mounted. She wanted more than the standard Sunday school answer we'd looked at weeks before in 1 John 4:19--We love because He first loved us.

Her question disturbed me. We all want to know what makes us lovable, unique, special. I confess I've asked my husband the same thing too many times (to his utter frustration). He tries, listing qualities he likes in me, things I've heard a million times, but ultimately he knows it doesn't matter what he says. I'll find it unsatisfying or trivial.

"I don't know why, I just do," he finally says, "I can't explain it."

And when she asks me the question, I feel the same way. I don't know why, I just do.

"Why does anyone care about anybody?" I say.

I know it's not what she wants to hear, but as I think about the people I love, her included, words seem inadequate to describe my attachment. Like me, if I start listing her admirable qualities, she'll find a way to dismiss them as unimportant or ordinary. There is no right answer.

Is it because when we ask that question--Why do you care?--we're really looking for a reason for our existence? Are we really asking, "Why am I here?" How is mere man supposed to come up with that? How can any human know why God created another?

Why do you care?

I wonder the same thing of God. With billions of people on the face of the planet, why would He care about me? How can He be intimately involved with individuals? Is this the real issue? How can the God of the universe care about me? How could He possibly love us all perfectly? How would He answer the question?

I AM. I love you.

No fancy explanations, only truth. If my faith is genuine, if I trust Him as I say I do, I will take it at that and believe it. Because what good does it do me to doubt it? I lose my peace and any purpose for my life. When I refuse to accept it, I call Him a liar. Do I really want to do that?

Why do you care?

I care because He equipped me to do so. For whatever reason, He has laid you on my heart and made you precious to me. I care because He does, because He says it.

I AM. I love you. Believe it.

Why do you care?



Photo Credit: giacomo.nodari

Be All In

Sometimes I think I'm a lousy parent.

Teenagers have a way of reinforcing that belief. The eye rolls, the disgusted sighs, the logic wars, the resistance--all have a way of screaming of my incompetence.

It's easy for me to buy into it too. I know I can be scatterbrained. I have trouble keeping the information from each kid straight. Memory fails me. I procrastinate. I put the kids off when I don't want to deal with things. I complain about their lack of help. I'm moody. I get tired of working around their schedules. Yep. Lousy parent.

But every once in a while, God gives me solace about my lack of parenting skills. Every so often, He gives me a glimpse that He's filled in my inadequacies. He shows me my kids really are connected to me.

Last week Ladies Man was gone and called twice to "see how everybody was around there." Drummer Boy drove down to show us his sweet rental car and, as is his custom, just sort of hung around at odd times of the day, not even for food! I went to Drama Queen's room and found her reading my blog. Miss Innocent One left for a weekend trip and had to give good-bye kisses twice. She even waved with a look on her face that said she'd do it again if she could.

As I think about it more, I realize my kids bring friends over OFTEN, at least a few times every week. They must not be too embarrassed by us. They love bantering at the dinner table as much as we do. They hold onto family memories. They like recalling the stories. They spend time watching home movies.

There IS connection and belonging and true love in our family, though they may not vocalize it. To be honest, I wonder how these very good things happen, when their mother possesses glaring weaknesses. With all the mistakes I've made, how do they stay tied to us?

I hope it's because they recognize I'm all in.

In the good. In the bad. In the disappointment, the fear, the stress, the crabbiness. I'm there, more than they wish I would be at times. I'm in. I always will be. They must know it. Isn't that the best any parent can do?

Don't despair about your lack of parenting skills, my friends. Pray like crazy. Find wisdom in God's Word. Do your best. Trust Him to fill in the gaps.

And be all in.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

A Public Service Announcement for Mothers and Teenagers

For Mothers--Signs Your Teenagers Are Annoyed With You

They don't text you back.

They meet your attempt at humor with "RUDE!"

You get the dreaded eye roll.

They refer to you as MOTHER!

The answer to your question is "PSSHT."

There IS no answer to your question.

Did I mention the eye roll?

You hear a lot of "Whatever."

They stand still to listen to you, but their eyes glare in another direction.

For Teenagers--Signs Your Mother is Annoyed With You

You find a pile of your stuff in the doorway of your bedroom.

She doesn't text you back.

She clenches her teeth and her jaw muscles tense.

The answer to your question is "I don't know."

The answer to your question is "NO!"

She turns her back and talks to herself.

She sighs loudly as she rips the check out of her checkbook.

She starts every statement with "Why am I the only one who can . . . ?"

You get the dreaded eye roll.

For Mothers AND Teenagers--There WILL be tension among you. There may be days you want to rip each other's heads off. Don't let hormones (from either one of you) cloud what is true. You don't always get each other, but you love each other. Deeply. You will always be connected with a special bond. Don't let momentary conflict make you forget that.

Mothers, your teenagers want to learn to get along without you. In a few short years they will be required to navigate without your daily input. Their attempts to do things their own way are the natural progression of growing up. They may not say it often, but they love you. They value your opinion. Give them boundaries, but give them some freedom too. Be there without judgment when things don't go as they planned.

Teenagers, your mother would give her life for you. You are her baby, her precious, precious child. She pushes because she wants the very best for you. She wants to protect you from everything, but knows she can't. She loves you so much her heart aches sometimes. She may be a pain in the wazoo, but she will always be in your corner. Always.

You are God's gift to each other. Never ever forget it.

You Can Always Come Home

You can always come home.

"We don't care what you do or what kind of trouble you get into," my parents said, "You can always come home."

Did their open door make me wild? Did I do whatever I wanted without regard for the consequences? Did I make bad decisions because it didn't matter what I did? Not at all. I wanted to make them proud. I did what I could to warrant their trust. I figured if they thought me worthy no matter what, I must have it in me to do what was right.

I didn't know at the time the foundation my parents laid. In a few simple words, they communicated my worth, their unconditional love, and wonderful security. They impacted not only my relationship with them, but my relationship with God, for He offers us the same peace of mind.

“Won’t the awareness God loves us no matter what lead to spiritual laziness and moral laxity? Theoretically, this seems a reasonable fear, but in reality the opposite is true…the more rooted we are in the love of God, the more generously we will live our faith.”

Brennan Manning
Lion and Lamb

My parents' love motivated me to be better, just like God's love. When I truly understand how He loves me, I want to make Him proud. I want to return His affection. His grace does not cause me to run amok. It inspires me to be all I can.

You can always come home.

Have you wandered from God's path? Have you gotten in some trouble? Are you ashamed of what you've done? Don't continually beat yourself up about it. Don't be afraid. Follow the example of the Prodigal Son. Return to the Lord and see how much He loves you.

Isn't that why Jesus came, so we could always come home?


In "Other" Words is hosted today by Patricia at Typing One-Handed. Pop over and see what others have to say about God's great love.

Have a great Tuesday, friends and never ever forget.

You can always come home.



Photo Credit: Eloise Mason

Another Way to Love

We had the whole house to ourselves. The whole house. With no kids. For the entire evening.

The last time such an event occurred, we shared a magical evening spawning this post. So when I realized all our kids were going to be elsewhere, you could say I had high hopes.

But it had been a long day. He was tired and wanted nothing more than to veg on the couch. I decided to be gracious. Let him snooze there a while, I thought. Get him something to eat, give him some space, let him recharge and then he'd surely have some time for me.

So I cleaned up the kitchen, did a little laundry, did some cooking for the next day, even left to get a few groceries and he stayed planted. I did what needed to be done thinking when we put a movie in he'd want to get cozy.

Be he didn't. He enjoyed his liaison with the couch.

I wanted to be irritated. Who am I kidding? I was irritated. I barely kept the snippy at bay. I wanted to tell him I'd had a long day too, remind him I was up earlier than he was. I wanted to point out everything I'd done since we got home that he hadn't. But I kept my mouth shut. Instead I asked God how to handle the grrr I was feeling.

"This how you love him", God said, "by letting him have the kind of evening he wants to have. Love is patient and kind. It does not seek its own."

Is it bad of me to admit I didn't like His answer? Where was the justification for my feelings, the proof I was right? Why couldn't He tell my husband to be the bigger person instead of me? Hadn't I done enough? When did Kevin get a turn to push his desires aside for my sake?

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not seek its own.

No matter what the other person does.

Truth be told, my husband's probably done it for me more times than I know. I've probably overlooked his attempts to let me have my way too.

So we had a perfectly boring evening. We watched a stupid movie that wasn't worth the time invested. Two of the kids came home and I waited up for the other while he went to bed. And though the evening didn't turn out as I hoped, I did accomplish one very great thing.

I loved my husband.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Photo Credit: joesflickr