Having a Thing with God

Everything familiar to my dear friend is stripped from her. Moving took it all away. And there's not much I can do about it. I stay in contact, text, call, visit even, but each day she gets up in a new place and does it alone. I can't be there to help her. Though her husband is, and cares deeply, he can't fix it for her either. She continually makes a conscious choice to be content, to push herself out of her comfort zone, to make it work, though her heart is elsewhere. No one can do it for her. She does it alone.

We all have things like that. This summer I went to Africa with a group of people I didn't know. No one close to me can share the feeling I get when I look at my pictures. No one knows the stirring in my heart as I tell of my experiences there or remember how God showed Himself strong. They can be interested, but they can't really get it because they weren't there with me. I did it alone.

I do some speaking engagements and while I have people praying for me and supporting me, I still have to stand before a bunch of strangers and talk. I'm the one agonizing over what to say. I'm the one who deals with the butterflies. They can't do it for me. I do it alone.

No doubt you have similar experiences. Maybe you're fighting an illness or struggling with a child or facing financial difficulty. Maybe you're in a funk you can't get out of or confused about the next step to take. Maybe your job is stressful or your relationships taxing. Those around you can be loving and supportive, but they can't do it for you, can they?

Why is that? Why does God give us things we must do alone?

He's jealous for us.

That's right. He's jealous for us. He wants us all to Himself. He wants the opportunity to make it His special thing with us.

You know how a married couple has intimate moments they share only between themselves? These things, besides the sexual union, bind them. Think about having a child, of witnessing the birth of a new creation together. That child, a piece of each of them, ties them together forever.

We share intimate moments with family and friends, conversations that are personal and precious, actions that speak louder than words. We feel close because we've shared something special, something not all are privy to.

And so I wonder if those things we "do alone" are God's way of grabbing special time with us. If we are alone, the only thing we have is Him, right?

No one understands the flood of emotions that grip me when I walk up to a podium. But God does. He knows it and He fills me and He knows how I feel when He does. It's our thing.

I can't adequately retell my experience standing under a mango tree in the Rwenzori mountains, listening to a group of women praise God in a foreign tongue. I thought my heart would burst with God's goodness. I can't explain it to you, but God gets it perfectly. It's our thing.

I don't know what it's like to wake up in a different community every day and start my life over like my friend has to, but God does. He loves her so much He wants her all to Himself. He wants to be her only source of strength and comfort. He wants a thing with her.

Are you doing something alone right now? Could God be drawing you to Himself? Could He be wanting personal time, a chance to build intimate memories with you? Don't see the aloneness as a curse. Look for the blessing. Find Him in it.

Start a thing with God.



Related post: Some Things You Have to Do By Yourself

Photo Credit: Christolakis

Leaning

I lean into her chair.

On those days I feel emotional, inadequate, tired, I lean into her chair, gaining strength from her presence. Sometimes she'll pat my hand, my arm, my thigh, but mostly she just sits there letting me invade her space. Though nothing is said, I find assurance and comfort being near a friend who knows me well.

I do it with my husband too. When I'm anxious or uncertain or insecure, I'll lean into him, soaking in his unspoken acceptance and love. No matter how weak I feel, I know where I stand with him. I know he's on my team, faithful, strong, consistent.

But sometimes the chair next to me is empty.


Sometimes I feel alone in a room full of people, my real self cowering within as I listen. I'm not sure those present would give me the benefit of the doubt, would give the grace or mercy I long for when the day's been long or the night too short and my own strength wanes. And I can't overlook the fact that sometimes you have to do things by yourself. What about those days? When the people who give me comfort are not near and I find myself alone, then where do I lean? How can I find the oomph to carry on with no person who believes the best nearby?

Is it possible to lean into God? It sounds weird, really, the idea of leaning into a Presence you cannot see. How do I learn to lean into Him?

Cause me to hear Your loving-kindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to You.

Psalm 143:8 (AMP)

I hear His loving-kindness? How? Do I saturate myself with His Word? Do I listen to Truth in song and watch for His goodness and rest in what I know to be true? Do I lay my concerns before Him and cry it out and wait patiently? Will this bring the same peace I feel leaning into a person I love? Will it make my spirit sigh and my breathing slow? Will it usher in calm?

I say yes. And so on the days I find no one to lean into, on the days the task seems scary and my stomach churns, I will lean into Him. I will believe He loves and accepts me. I will be still and know that He is God. I will remember in quietness and trust is my strength. I will search for gratitude when I don't understand and recite His Word when anxiety swells. I will know He never leaves me.

I will lean into Him.

And He will be there.

How do YOU lean into God?



Photo Credit: ana branca

Speaking Styrofoam

There was a smiley face on her cup.

Just below the lipstick marks, two dots with an upturned curve graced the styrofoam. It faced only her and I knew she put it there because the ink matched the writing flowing out of her pen onto paper. No one said a thing, but that little smiley face peered at her the whole morning.

Why did she do it? Was she willing herself to be happy? Was it a reminder of our lesson, to be content in all circumstances? Was it an outward sign of inner joy?

It was just a little smiley face on a styrofoam cup, and though I had nothing to do with it, it spoke to me. Be happy, Tami. Find joy in the small things. Taste and see that the Lord is good.

A tiny detail, unexpected and quirky, showed me how intricately God works.

May God be merciful and bless us. May his face smile with favor on us.

Psalm 67:1

Lessons of 2012

It's time for the obligatory end of the year post, summing up all the wonderful moments of The Next Step from the last year. To be honest, this has been a tough year for me with this blog. Sometimes I think it doesn't matter or I fear I've run out of new things to write about. I've considered quitting many times, but something (Someone?) keeps me going. If nothing else, it's a way to record what I'm learning, perhaps leaving a trail of bread crumbs for my children to follow, taking them to the Source of my hope and the only One who can give real life. So rather than give you the top ten posts of the year, I've decided to offer a small sampling of the lessons I've learned in 2012, those things that have stuck with me long after the words were typed.

In Retaining Me I realized there's nothing wrong with me. (Although there was that time a reader suggested I seek professional psychiatric help . . . hmmm.) We get these notions God has a ton of work to do in us. Maybe it's the way the Bible talks about transforming us that makes us think we need to be totally retooled. Sure, God is constantly teaching and refining, but our essence remains His unique creation. I really like that.

In Buying God a Smoothie I gained new understanding that the nice things we do for others don't need to be known for God to value and honor our sacrifice.

In If they knew how much they were loved . . . , the untimely death of a young person in our community taught me we have no way of knowing how our lives impact others. It spurred me to tell people when I appreciate them.

Worry over my kids and their futures as adults brought me to God who showed me the best way to help them in For the Sake of My Kids.

An experience that changed both my view of God and myself came after an emotional and awe-inspiring weekend with friends. God, Rachelle and Ann Voskamp chronicles the day my impressions of God expanded dramatically. Ever since that day I've yearned, longed, ached to feel His presence like that again. No one will be able to tell me God is not real and intimately involved in our lives after that weekend.

Now it's your turn. Help me know more about you. How about some reciprocity? What lessons did you learn in 2012?



Photo Credit: jimmiehomeschoolmom

Oh, Mr. Fix-it Man!

My bathroom faucet was dripping, or rather, running. I didn't want to spend the money on a plumber or bug my husband with one more thing to do, so I turned off the cold water supply and ta da!, no more dripping. I fixed it! Okay, well sort of. It's not much of a fix when you no longer have cold water, but if you turn on the hot water and use it really fast you can make do.

The real solution would take more time. I need a new faucet, which requires shopping for one and installing it. But first I'd like to replace the scratched up sink underneath the faucet which requires more time and money and frankly I'm already feeling ill about the harried Christmas season and its accompanying price tag.

The situation reminds me of my prayer life. A problem appears. Life takes an unexpected turn. A parent gets sick. A child struggles in school. I can't seem to conquer the same problem I've had forever. I don't know what to do. I know it's out of my control so I pray. I'm very respectful, being sure to add "Your will be done," yet my urgency for relief reveals something. I want the problem taken care of. The sooner the better. What I'm really asking for is a quick fix.

Basically I'm saying to God, "Oh, Mr. Fix-it Man!"

Hmmm . . . something about that sounds a little disrespectful, doesn't it?

Yet I catch myself doing it all the time. I've prayed way more times than I care to admit, "God, can't the solution be easy just this one time?"

I want easy.

God wants permanent.

So when I call out, "Oh, Mr. Fix-it Man!" He knows what's best is a long-term job, a fix-for-good, not a band-aid to cover the wound, but actual healing. He's not shutting off the cold water supply. He's doing it right. And doing it right . . . well, it takes time, something God isn't bound by, but we are.

I want relief. Now, please.

God wants transformation. Forever. That doesn't happen overnight. Or even this year or maybe not even ten years down the road. It may take a while, but it lasts. It's better in the long run. Much better. You get hot AND cold water.

So when I get frustrated that God's time frame is not mine, I remember His fixing is permanent. I hold out hope that He is indeed working. I believe what I cannot see.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6

He IS working, friends. He's just doing it right.

Do you get frustrated with how God works? How do you keep the faith?



Photo Credit: geoffeg

If we just wait long enough . . .

Over the years I prayed a lot about my relationship with my dad. It wasn't bad. It just wasn't . . . well, good. I was never Daddy's Little Girl, or if I was, I never felt it. I could count on him to take care of my car, but we didn't communicate really. Time alone with him felt awkward. We were there for each other, but didn't really know each other. Anything he knew about me came through Mom.

When my parents divorced, it was new territory for us. I had to force myself to call him, and honestly didn't do it like I should have. He was actually more faithful than me. We'd have an uncomfortable ten minute conversation every couple of weeks and that was that.

But I kept praying about it. We both kept trying. Finally, MANY years later, while he was fighting cancer, we were forced together intimately, driving to and from doctors, tests, treatments. We talked like never before, perhaps knowing it was our last chance, and came to an understanding about each other. I think he "got" me before he died. I treasure that time to this day. It took a while, but God answered my prayers.

I've seen similar results in other circumstances. When we were first married, we were so poor, I prayed for God to rescue us. But He had better plans. He taught us to rely on Him and provided everything we needed along the way and slowly gave us more as we followed His lead. I've prayed for my relationship with my brothers for what seems like forever. A big age span has kept us in different life stations for most of our lives, but just this week one called to see what I thought about an issue he was struggling with. I never thought I'd see that happen. We talked freely and comfortably and spiritually. So amazing. I've prayed for things for my kids for YEARS. Some I've seen happen. Some not. But as I watch God's work unfold I am always left amazed at how He's orchestrated it perfectly.

I'd be the first person to admit I get frustrated with God's timing. I want release from the burden NOW, not in ten years. But one thought has encouraged me lately.

Is it just a matter of time before we see God work? If we hang in there long enough, will we be satisfied? Will it make sense some day, either here or in heaven? Are we too impatient? If we just wait long enough, will we see His deliverance, His restoration? Do we give up too easy?

Or do we lack imagination? Do we miss His hand because we're looking for something different? Is He showing Himself, but our human eyes are too dim to notice?

Is ten years too long to wait? Three weeks? Eight months? A lifetime? If we desire God's perfect plan, His masterpiece, shouldn't we give the Master time to work? Would rushing it ruin the beauty? God is not bound by time like we are.

With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

He could answer our prayer in 20 years. Or it could be tomorrow.

And so we wait.

For His PERFECT way.

For what is faith if it isn't tested? How do we gain trust by never having to rely on Him? If we keep believing, keep praying, persistently and fervently, is it only a matter of time until God answers? Not until He grants our wishes, but until He answers, with a yes or a no. If we don't lose heart, if we keep coming near, won't the answer come eventually?

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:13-14

I am confident that God is working, friends. Even when we can't see it. Time is nothing to Him. We just have to wait. And if we just wait long enough . . .

Perfection.



Photo Credit: Jose Luis Mieza Photography

The Way I Know He Loves Me

I see the ugliness in me, the attitudes that need fixing, the weaknesses that make me too aware of my humanity and I cry out to God.

"Lord, forgive me. Again. Make me better. I'm a mess."

Yeah, that's true, God says, you can be a mess sometimes. You can be high maintenance and moody, exasperating and frustrating. . .

But I sure do love you.

What?! How can a perfect, holy God love puny, wimpy me?

Yet I know it's true for He surprises me in unexpected ways, with purple shoes given for no reason, a bracelet from a friend just because it looked like me, beautiful words I don't deserve from people I admire and respect, a husband who's attentive no matter how I look or act, front row seats to His work.

When He says, I sure do love you, I am incredulous, yet warm because He shows me every day in little, special ways it's true.

How else do you explain children who mock me, yet say they miss me consistently? Isn't it God's love that causes a friend to hug tight and whisper encouragement in my ear without knowing how much I need it? Aren't the smiles and nods spurring me on a signal straight from Him? He's provided sanctuary in my home, with people inside and outside my house.

And when days don't go as I wish, when troubles come, He leads me to the verse to hang onto, the Truth that will sustain. He supplies the prayer net, the friends to call in tears, the arms to hold, the bed to escape to. He leads me through, His way, and makes me better in the process.

I sure do love you.

I KNOW it and you can too. Open your eyes to God's blessings all around you, even, no especially, in the hard times. He is there. He is waiting to lift. He sees. He knows.

I sure do love you.

Will you believe it?



Photo Credit: ecstaticist

Masterpieces Take Time

It took Michaelangelo four years to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel at Vatican City.


Margaret Mitchell needed eight years to write Gone With the Wind.


Construction on the Nebraska State Capitol required ten years.


Experts believed it took 50 years for workers to complete the Sphinx in Egypt.


200 years were spent on the Leaning Tower of Pisa.


Who can calculate how many years carved the Grand Canyon?

Masterpieces take time. And yet it strikes me that each of these marvels are temporal, lasting only as long as earth does, deteriorating every minute. We value them as treasures, but none will be part of our eternal future. None will be in heaven.

So why do we expect God, the master Creator, to take less time crafting His everlasting children? Why do we want quick fixes? Why aren't we willing to wait for His beautiful, masterful plan? Why are we so impatient?

I want to see what I want to see in the people I love, in those my heart hurts for, yet God is constantly working, chipping, carving, sculpting. He's writing the story of our lives and painting it with His skillful, creative, unique hand. Masterpieces take time and if I want the best, I have to patiently wait for Him to do His thing.

God works in mysterious, yet calculated, perfect ways. He's not making junk. He's creating masterpieces.

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

Do you have trouble waiting for God's master plan to unfold?



Photo Credits
Sistine Chapel: Beyond Forgetting

Nebraska State Capitol: jimbowen0306

Leaning Tower of Pisa: Sam and Ian

Sphinx: digitalurbanlandscape

Grand Canyon: Markusnl

But God IS

The future's uncertain. How will it work out? I can't see the way.

But God IS.

Relationships weaken, feelings hurt, wounds fester.

But God IS.

Loved ones get sick. Kids struggle. Friends tire and weaken.

But God IS.

Prices soar. Worries abound. A dollar doesn't stretch like it used to.

But God IS.

We know tears, sorrow, heartache, anxiety.

But God IS.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

In this world you will have trouble. I know it. I feel it. I live it. I watch it. I don't like it, and some days it's too much.

But God IS.

And somehow knowing God IS--knowing He's there and in control, on the throne, aware of these earthly problems--somehow knowing He IS brings a sigh, a glimmer of hope. It brings enough to press on.

Take heart, my friends. Life is hard.

But God IS.

How does knowing God IS give you courage?



Photo Credit: ford_paul

Trying to Make Sense of His Goodness

My life is filled with wonderful people, people who believe the best and nudge me in the right direction and tell me the truth and love me, even when I'm not so lovable. They teach me, enrich me, give me joy, and offer unselfish support. They are on my team for reasons I don't comprehend. Their good will and care mean more than I can describe. Overwhelmed with God's goodness, I'm reduced to tears as I think of the treasure they are. Who am I to deserve them? Why me? Why has God given so much? Pondering the questions leaves me wondering one thing.

What does such blessing require of me?

I know God wants my good and desires to give me beautiful gifts, but surely the amazing blessings I'm given aren't for me to hoard to myself. Why do I have this safety net of people?

What does such blessing require of me?

. . . When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.

Luke 12:48

Does God expect more from me?

The wimp in me wants to be scared, but the grateful-beyond-words woman in me knows He provides for whatever is ahead. He already has. God's given me people. I am deeply thankful. And willing to do whatever He asks. His blessings move me to act. No matter what is required of me, I will rise to the occasion. I must. I've been given a tremendous gift.

How about you? Do you recognize the treasure you have in the people you're surrounded by? Do you see what they provide for you? Are you aware that your blessings mean you have a responsibility?

When someone has been given much, much will be required . . .

How will you respond to the blessings you're given?



Photo Credit: KaCey97007

Holding Hands in the Dark

Sleep eludes. My best efforts to produce it come up short, so I slide out of bed, wander down the hall, set my mind on something else. I'm gone a while, longer than I should be if I want to function in the morning, and when I finally drag myself back to bed, the hour and the time expired make me certain my husband will not stir.

Yet as I slip under the covers, his hand finds my arm. He says nothing and I really don't think he's awake, but his fingers pat and slide down my arm until they entwine with mine.

I can't help but smile and don't even care that sleep still feels far off. Apparently he's aware of my presence and must have noticed my absence. I am known and missed. Even in his sleep.

If a human can do this, how much more can God, who NEVER sleeps or slumbers, notice me? How much more does He see? How much more must He love us?

He will not let you stumble;
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never slumbers or sleeps.

The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon at night.

The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever.

Psalm 121:3-8

Thank You, Lord, for indications of Your notice, for confirmations of Your care. Thank You for the reminder while holding hands in the dark.


Find other Thankful Thursday posts at Grace Alone.



Photo Credit: andrew and hobbes

How Satan Gets At Good Girls

I'm a good girl.

A girl who always follows the rules. My rebellious phase lasted maybe two months. I get paranoid if someone looks at me funny. I do what I can to keep everyone happy. My conversion story is lackluster. I didn't have to be cleansed from any addiction or horrible past. This girl who did what she was supposed to do, just started living by God's rules one day.

And yet there are days I wonder if following the rules is worth it. Bad stuff still happens to good girls and those they love. God doesn't always answer prayers the way I'd like. There is no perfect life. And when the hard stuff hits, I feel my efforts to be good have been overlooked by God. Why bother? Does it matter? Is there really protection in living His way?

“‎When the truth doesn’t feel true is when we begin to believe it isn’t. Satan’ biggest, most effective weapon against good girls may not be lust or slander or adultery or addiction. It is forgetfulness.”

Emily Freeman
Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life

The truth is, when I'm scared or worried or feeling like nothing matters, I've forgotten the goodness of God in my past. I'm listening to Satan's whispers saying, "this can't possibly work out right" and "what's the point of following a God who doesn't reward your faithfulness" and "it doesn't matter what you do when tragedy and trauma hit everyone."

The moment I entertain these thoughts, Satan's sucked me in. I may not be sleeping with my neighbor or doing drugs or cheating on my taxes, but believing those lies is just as harmful.

Not acknowledging God's faithfulness and goodness in the past blasts away at my faith every bit as much, if not MORE, than any other sin I avoid.

I need to remember Who He is and what He's done. When I don't, I leave myself vulnerable for Satan's attack.


As the host for this week's In "Other" Words, I invite you to give us your thoughts on this quote. Link up below.




Photo Credit: CapesTreasures.com

A Reason to Be Faithful

I'm spending TONS of time this summer writing a script for a Christmas musical. I can't tell you how many days my thought process goes awry.

What were you thinking? You can't do this!
No one is going to give a rip about this story.
Does this make any sense at all?
WHO CARES?!
What do you know about writing? You're a math major for crying out loud!
BORING!
You're going to spend all this time and it will be ho hum.
I hate this. I got nothin'. GRRRRRRR.
Is there any way I can get out of this?

Most days I have to make myself sit at my computer. It's easy to ignore it when life presses in or the sun beckons me outside or a book is calling my name or laundry needs to be folded or there's emails to be sent, bills to be paid, people to have coffee with, bathrooms that need cleaning, Facebook begging to be checked, floors to be vacuumed . . . I'll use any excuse to avoid it.

But avoiding it doesn't get the job done and for reasons I don't understand, God has given me this task. I have to do it.

So though I feel inept for the job, though everything in me would rather be doing something else, I sit myself down for a few hours each day and give it a shot. Some days little gets done. Some days I'm surprised at what comes out. But every day I keep in the back of my head the words of David.

To the faithful you show yourself faithful . . .

Psalm 18:25

I must do my part--show up. As I am faithful to do that, God is faithful to bring the ideas. And every year, to my astonishment and delight, a script gets finished.

It's true for other areas of my life where I feel inadequate too. I'm not the best mother in the world, but He fills in my gaps as I keep at it every day. No matter how well I prepare for Bible study, there's always a little twinge of nervousness going in, knowing one comment could send discussion in an unexpected direction. A clarinet player is only as good as the reed on her horn which changes often. I might not know the right thing to say to a hurting person. But in every case, I push through and do it anyway, resting in the assurance of His faithfulness to me as I make myself available. If I do my part, He'll do His.

It takes the pressure off and puts things in perspective. I'm not writing a script. God is. I don't have to make it beautiful. God will. I just have to show up.

To the faithful He shows Himself faithful.

That's a promise to spur us on, to remind us it's not up to us. It tells us to keep going in and be patient and wait for the amazing things God will do. We don't have to do it all. We just do our part.

How can you be faithful to see His faithfulness?


Photo Credit: apollonio&battista

One Big Picture

. . . With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

2 Peter 3:8

If to God every day is as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day, does He see all our days as one? When He looks at us, does He see us at every age?

When I first came to know Him, as an awkward, shy adolescent, did He see the woman I would be today? When I felt abnormal because of my weight, did He whisper, "Just wait. It'll get better," but I didn't hear? When I cried in my bedroom as a teenager, wondering when my turn for love would come, did He see my wedding day? When I chided myself for not speaking up at my dad's 50th birthday party, did God know He would have me do it at Dad's funeral fourteen years later? When I felt sick about my parents' divorce, did He see the comfort I would give my friend going through the same thing shortly after?

And what about now? When I stress about writing projects, does He see the completed work? When I worry about the future of my kids, does He see who they are at 40? Does He shake His head and say, "Just hang on, Tam. The trial will be worth it"?

When we worry about what is, does He see the big picture? Does He see what WILL be, the end result to His perfect plan?

The thought comforts me somehow and encourages me to be patient. When I think about painful times and imagine Him knowing, in the precise moment of our pain, how it turns out for our best, I wonder why I ever worry or fear anything. There is a plan for each of us. Every day is part of it. He sees each tear, each victory, each burden, each celebration as one unit, one beautiful tapestry He constantly creates with our name on it, weaved together specifically and purposefully. Gently. Lovingly. Completely good.

Does this help you accept and cope with your difficulties?



Photo Credt: mararie

Some Things You Have to Do By Yourself

She's laid in a hospital bed hundreds of miles from home since the middle of January without an end in sight. I can pray for her and her family, and I do so constantly. I can send encouraging words and help with her kids and donate money for expenses. But I can't do it for her. I can't take her place for even one day.

Some things you have to do by yourself.

I got asked to speak at a MOPS meeting and I rallied my troops, asking for prayers from my faithful warriors, but they couldn't write the speech for me. Their prayers buoy me, motivate me, inspire me, calm me, but when the day came, they couldn't walk up to the podium with me.

Some things you have to do by yourself.

I know the anxiety that keeps her awake at night. I can sit up with her, tell her all the right things, distract her as much as possible, pray with her, but I can't make her mind stop racing. I can't shut off the worry, the uncertainty. I can't make it go away.

Some things you have to do by yourself.

I understand the pressure of his responsibility. I help as much as I can. I stand alongside. I support. I listen. I work. But the buck doesn't stop with me. I don't make the final decisions or give account for every penny spent. I can be done when I choose to be. He is only done when the job is finished.

Some things you have to do by yourself.

These tough things wear on us and we wish we could pass the baton to someone else, but it's okay really, good even, to have to do some things yourself. It's God's opportunity to reveal Himself to YOU. You feel firsthand the strength of prayer. You have the front row seat to a miracle. You sense your active part in God's grand plan. You learn His promise to never leave you or forsake you. You take His hand, breath deeply and allow His power to flood over you. The blessing comes to YOU.

Some things you have to do by yourself.

But it's in the alone times that God's Word comes alive. Only then do we understand "he will never leave you nor forsake you" and KNOW it is meant for us. When we are all by ourselves, the strength must be attributed to Him.

Some things you have to do by yourself.

But God is faithful. He will make Himself known.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

Psalm 62:5

What have you had to do by yourself? Did you see God as a result?



Photo Credit: aussiegall

Are You Looking For Rescue or Relationship?

In the dark of night, my restless soul convinces me problems are larger than life. Panic grips my heart and I'm quite certain I can't handle it. "Help, God! Lord, save me," I think. And I wait for His rescue.

He doesn't come, so I utter it again.

"Lord, You promise You'll be with me wherever I go. I need You now."

Peace doesn't flood my body.

"Are You coming, Lord? Where are You?"

Nothing. I expect Him to swoop in, to relieve my anxiety, and I really believe He can, but when He doesn't, I'm left struggling, floundering, disappointed.

Why doesn't He come?

Doesn't He say, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest?" (Matthew 11:28) I'm coming. I'm weary and burdened. Where is the rest?

Come: to move or travel toward

If I'm laying in bed waiting for His relief, how am I moving or traveling toward Him? Do I want the supernatural so I don't have to do anything? I'm calling out to Him, but is that truly coming? Am I asking Him to do all the work?

Am I seeking His rescue, but not Him?

When I pray out in desperation, I'm really asking for resolution quickly. What if He wants more for me? What if He'd rather let me suffer some for the sake of developing a relationship, an ongoing source of hope and peace? Does He withhold immediate relief so I keep coming back? Does He love me that much?

Which would you rather have--immediate rescue or permanent relationship?



Photo Credit: {Balazs}

Retaining Me

I like to think I am better now than I've ever been.

I mean, I should be, right? Shouldn't I have grown spiritually, emotionally, mentally through the years? Shouldn't I have learned from my mistakes and gotten wiser and gained greater trust in God through my experiences? Shouldn't I know more, be more? Isn't God transforming me? Shouldn't I be different?

But when I cross paths with people I knew ten years ago, twenty years ago, a lifetime ago, I can't say I see it. I talk to old friends, wondering if they notice my progress, yet our conversations fall in similar patterns, we take up our old roles and I realize the essence of who we are hasn't changed that much. I may have improved, but it isn't a marked difference.

I want to look back and see huge progress, great strides, triumphs and victories, success, but I only see a little smarter version of who I was at ten. Sometimes that bothers me. If I'm not remarkably altered, how will others see God's touch in an ordinary person?

I look in the mirror and though the image gets older, the inside feels the same. I will always be the shy girl sitting in the corner observing what's going on, soaking in the body language, understanding what's NOT being said, feeling present, but not a part. I will always wonder where others get their moxie, their appeal, their strength. I will always recognize others know more, do more, ARE more than me.

Will I ever outgrow that?

Yet, I am "fearfully and wonderfully made." God had a reason for designing me as He did. If I don't resemble the original me, if I don't retain qualities consistent with me, if I "grow" so much that little Tami is no longer there, have I missed being His unique creation?

I am Tami, the woman who overthinks everything, dreams of the beautiful and romantic, and longs for escape. That doesn't change when I learn how to forgive or put myself out there or take a risk. Needing time alone to think is a permanent need in my psyche, even though I've developed good, healthy relationships. There's nothing wrong with it. It's me. And it's okay.

Because God wants to use me just like I am now AND when He's done some transforming work. I am His creation He continues to teach and mold, but I will always be Tami.

His Tami. The one He created for a reason, with purpose and a specific design. He wants to make me more like Him, but He still wants me.

His touch has been significant. His shy little girl now leads Bible studies and sings in front of hundreds of people every week (with my eyes closed, but still doing it!). I've held people while they cried and marveled at how many spill their guts to me. Listening has taught me what questions to ask and how to ask them. I've felt God bring the right words and mustered up the courage to say them. I AM changed, but my essence is the same. It has to be the same, for He made me that way. He's working on me, for sure, but His work serves to make Tami more like Jesus.

Though I may not recognize it, there is a difference. God is transforming my mind, but not my essence.

Do you ever get frustrated you aren't changing more for God? Could it be He only wants to change your thinking patterns, not your essence?



Photo Credit: manolo guijarro

What We Miss By Asking Why

Sometimes things don't turn out how I think they should, how I'd like them to. We sold our first house SEVEN YEARS after we moved out of it. My kids didn't get jobs I prayed for them to get. A video we submitted twenty years ago to America's Funniest Videos got initial approval and we signed papers, but it never aired. I've prayed for and expected miracles which never came. Hardest of all is the waiting. God always requires waiting.

I spend a lot of time asking God why. What's so terrible about revealing Your plan? Why would it be so awful for my child to get that job? Where are You, God? Are You hearing me at all?

Disappointment. Frustration. Aggravation.

But God never promised to meet my every whim. I pray for things that would make my life easier. He answers to make me holier.

“True peace comes from embracing what is, not from ceaseless striving to change everything around me to make my life more safe, secure, comfortable.”

Dan Meadows in The Mosaic Bible

Do I struggle when I fight what IS? Would I feel better if I just went with what God gives without asking why, without doubting His goodness? God doesn't make mistakes. He gives each of us gifts we may or may not like. Disappointment, frustration, aggravation come when we refuse to accept what He's given or how He's working in our lives.

It's like a little boy who asks for a glass of milk and his father gives him a cow.

"A cow?" the boy whines, "But that's too hard. I don't want to work at this. I just want milk."

"I could give you a glass of milk, but soon it would be gone and what would you learn?" his father replies, "With a cow you gain a new skill, get all the milk you'd ever want and have plenty to share. Isn't that better than one glass of milk?"

When I complain about my life, when I ask God to cure my problems quickly, am I asking for too little? Am I asking for a glass of milk when He wants to give me a cow? Am I missing true peace by not accepting what is? Do I get stuck and distracted in my "if only"s? Is wanting easy causing me more trouble than necessary on the road to something great?

What do you think?

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Beyond What I Deserve

I am a blessed woman.

I don't know why. I'm nothing special. I'm a self-absorbed, obsessive, over-analytical, pleasure monger of a person. My thoughts are not always sweet. I complain. I whine over the minor and overlook His provisions and want more. I disappoint myself, and surely my heavenly Father, more than I'd like.

But my heart leans toward God. And for reasons I don't comprehend, He cleans me up, makes me new, gives me second chances. If this weren't enough, he lavishes me with His goodness, with beautiful relationships, genuine care and concern, inspiration, unending mercy. He gives me what I don't deserve.

I am a blessed woman.

How does one respond to such favor, to gifts I have no right to claim?

Go and do likewise.
Give as I have given to you.
Forgive and listen and be gracious.
Love as I have loved you.

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 2:1-5

I cannot repay God for all He has done for me, but I can follow His lead. I thank Him by loving His own.

Go and do likewise.

How will you thank God today?



Photo Credit Yogendra174

A Reason to Be Happy About the Scars

As a Christian, I expect God to protect me. Oh, I don't say it out loud, but my attitude declares it. Whenever something bad happens, my first response is, "Why, God? Why did You let this happen to me? What did I do wrong?"

See? I think if I do what I'm supposed to, my life should be cushy and care free. But God doesn't work that way. He tells us to take up our cross and follow Him. He says blessed are you when men persecute you. Sound like easy street?

“No wound? No scar?
Yet as the Master shall the servant be,
And pierced are the feet that follow Me;
But thine are whole. Can he have followed far
Who has no wound nor scar?”

Amy Carmichael

Jesus promised, "In this world you will have trouble." Don't we know it?! We will experience pain and heartache. Difficulties will be part of our existence. We can expect wounds and scars.

And we should be happy about them.

For those scars are visible reminders that Jesus has called us to walk closer with Him. In our trials, we have no where else to turn, so we look for Him. He says, "Come, my child. Look at Me, not the problem. Let Me show you real peace. Come." We're forced to look beyond what we can see to His greater good, His better plan. To Him.

Our scars are markers of His touch, never to be the same again. They are evidence of healing. They are daily reminders of His goodness. They speak to how He's delivered us. They proclaim His work.

I'll be happy about my scars, because I know how He's brought me through.

I am changed forever.

For the good.

Can you be happy about your scars?

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