He always has a lot to say, my husband. Most days I am up for it and enjoy listening and adding my two cents. I'll hop up on the kitchen counter to get comfy or motion for him to follow me upstairs while I tend to laundry. "I'm listening," I'll say, "keep talking," as I move into the next room. He's even followed me into the bathroom on occasion and does so without missing a beat. I love hearing what he has to say, I really do. The older he gets, the more profound he gets (or maybe I'm just rubbing off on him--yeah, that must be it!). But some days. . .well, some days my insides are screaming, "Oh, honey, please stop talking." I say nothing and remind myself how blessed I am to have a husband who wants to share so much with me. I know it is not common and recognize it is one way he honors me, but there are days it seems like extra noise on top of an already noisy house. Of course, I think I'm pretty smooth, discreetly hiding it, but does my body language give me away?
When I'm having a hard time concentrating on what he's saying, I don't look at him much. I don't ask questions. I kick into Martha mode and secretly hope he notices how distracted I am, all the while feeling guilty for not giving him the attention he deserves. My body language would say, "I'm sick of you. Could you please leave me alone?" but it's not indicative of what my heart feels. I don't want him to interpret wrongly, so sometimes I'll say something like, "Honey, I really want to hear about this, but I'm trying to do too many things at once here. I'm sorry." He is truly not an annoyance to me, but he probably gets that feeling sometimes.
Do you suppose there is some body language I get from him that is not a true reflection of his feelings? We interpret other people's words wrongly on occasion. It wouldn't be totally far-fetched to think we misinterpret their body language too. Could his polite nod I perceive as a dismissal really be him trying to figure out how to make things happen for me? When there's tension between us and he takes a deep breath, it may not necessarily mean I expect too much. It may only be a way for him to release his frustration. The pat I interpret as, "Neat, honey, now be on your merry way," may be his way of saying he needs some time alone, not just time away from me.
Why haven't I figured this out before? The lesson is not to assume too much in my husband's body language. Our bodies, as well as our mouths, don't always tell the whole story. They react like our insides. They lash out like our tongues. They become lazy as we grow weary. Proverbs tells us, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense," which in my mind includes those offenses that are spoken or otherwise.
Poor guy, my Kevin. I analyze his every move. Lucky for me he's a lot better at this overlooking business than I am. Maybe he'll start rubbing off on me soon.
For more Marriage Monday posts, visit our guest host, Lynn, at Spiritually Unequal Marriage.
7 comments:
Tami,
Fantastic Post. You made me laugh and smile. So well written!
I was astonished to hear your husband talks all the time. Further still he follows you around talking. Wow! In my minsitry, most women are desperate to get their guys to utter a single word.
I thought your post was insightful, and you have a heart of real compassion.
Thank you for joinin Marriage Monday today. Have a blessed week. Lynn
Tami ~
I agree with Lynn. I feel like I have to chase my husband around the house just in hopes of hearing one word out of his mouth!!! Count your blessings that your husband has so much he wants to share with you - but if you do feel you have had your fill, hand him the phone! I could sure use the adult conversation around here!!!! LOL Love ya! Denise R.
Tami, I could say the same things as the other commenters. Send him over here, I'll listen!
But your insights about body language seem right on. I probably need to be more careful about my own, and how I interpret my husband's. Of course, for many of us, "body language" is almost all we get as far as husband-communication, we we probably WAY overanalyze it!
Thanks for another great post.
As the "talker" in our household I hope I'll be more careful about giving my husband a little space after reading this. I know when his body language irritates me. I'm sure mine is all positive ; )
Wow...First, your guy talks! Wow! :) And, this is beautifully written (I hopped over from Lynn's site). Second, I have a daughter who follows me around. So I get that feeling you're describing. I do. I know this is "Marriage Monday", but, my body language surely puts out those negative vibes to her, and I know it's nothing but damaging. Thanks for the reminder to be mindful of the stories we tell, both verbally and nonverbally.
Our husbands sound very much a like and this post has given me something to think about. I love that we can talk for hours together, each of us adding in equally. I don't think I ever told him that specifically though.
Interesting thoughts about body language, especially how we can misread others. Good stuff. And btw, my husband doesn't follow me around talking, but he does seem to want to talk when he sits down at the computer and I'm in the other room! I do need to watch my body language in that respect, I guess.
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