Monday, November 05, 2007

The Dirty "S" Word

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
Want this button?



Even though I think it an important, Biblical concept, the word makes my eyes roll back in my head. It causes me to picture a giant with his thumb on my head, smashing me to the ground, all the while chuckling, "Heh, heh, heh." That's not MY husband and honestly, I'm not sure I know any husbands like that. Isn't there a less volatile word we could use?

I submit for your consideration (pun completely intended) one word: TRUST.

My computer's dictionary defines trust as "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something".

I can already see my husband standing taller.

Now I know it can be hard to submit to a guy you see in his underwear every day, but can you TRUST him? Can you trust that the man who comes home to you each day, the man who has CHOSEN to share his life with you, the man whose own body warms you to sleep every night, has your best interests at heart? Can you love him enough to believe in him? He may not even think he has it in him, but if you do, he'll want to try harder. And when life tears him down and he needs a boost, he'll come running home to refill.

I must admit this hasn't (and doesn't) always come easy for me. In the early years of our marriage I "submitted" to my husband by thinking I knew more than he did without telling him. I was very quiet and gentle in my "suggestions", yet he saw right through it. He sensed my distrustful attitude. And it made him feel he didn't quite measure up. There's something very sad about that. The world is tough enough without feeling like a failure at home too. I love him too much to do that to him any more. I mess up quite a bit and when I can't let go of doing things my way I have to remind myself this attitude says to him, "I know better. You can't handle this. I don't trust you." That isn't fair. He works very hard to make me happy. I want to do the same for him. I want him to find his home truly HIS, a place where he can be loved and accepted and respected and TRUSTED. Providing such a place may mean sacrificing what I want, but doing that over and over makes him work just as hard to please me.

My husband says submission would not be an issue for women if men truly loved their wives and served them like the Bible teaches and I think he's right (See, men DO have good ideas!). My husband loves me by helping me and listening to me, valuing my opinion and making me a priority. He makes me want to love him more and I do so by trusting him. It's no easy task on anyone's part, but it produces a cyclical effect that strengthens a marriage and provides great security.


It doesn't have to be a dirty word. It is not holding women down. It is building men up. And when men are strengthened, they can carry us up with them.

Join e-Mom at Chrysalis this week to see what others think about submission.


e-Mom said...

Tammy, every word of this post is phenomenal. Your re-definition of "submission" to mean "trust" is right on. I was thinking the same thought earlier today. :~)

It was really hard to choose, but here's my favorite quote: It doesn't have to be a dirty word. It is not holding women down. It is building men up. And when men are strengthened, they can carry us up with them.

Thanks so much for linking up to Marriage Monday. (((Hugs))), e-Mom

e-Mom said...

I apologize... I misspelled your name. "Tami" suits you much better. :~)

Lori said...

Believe me, when I say, I think submission come hard for all of us. I am a work in progress. I haven't and I am sure I won't master this for a long time. I just keep turning it over to the Lord and keep trying.


I really enjoyed your post and your honesty.

Brenda said...

Still hard after 23 years. And your husbands words were the exact conversation my husband and I had on the way home from church! I think the word "submission" brings to mind my dog cowering when I scold it. Obviously that is not what God intended when he described the Proverbs 31 woman. Good article Tami. It has been on my mind since Sunday too.

Emiley Bond said...

This is SO good, Tami! I am forwarding it to my Bible Study group!! Thanks for sharing your wisdom. ~Emiley

Denise said...

I love that - "It is not holding women down. It's building men up." That is an awesome way to look at it! Sometimes we just need our thoughts to be redirected like that!

Living Beyond said...

Excellent post - love it to bit - you got from the beginning with ICK lol - love it - thanks

Anonymous said...

Amen, amen, amen, amen!!!

You go, girl!

Dianne said...

good thoughts! definitely a different perspective but it makes sense.

lori said...

OH YES...YOU are right in this one and I think actually my husband has said the exact same thing yours did...
Submission would not be an issue if men loved and served...

If we enter into a is all about TRUST and PROMISE..
amen sister!!
great post!!

Mrs. Klar said...

After reading your blog I was reminded of a book I read right before Ben and I got married. It was called You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband by Darien Cooper. It kinda put submission into prospective for me. "Woman was created from ma, not from his head to be commanded by him, nor from his feet to be his slave. Rather she was taken from his side to complement him. Near his arms to be protected by him and close to his heart to be loved by him." It helped me see submission as a good thing, and not as an enslavement. Great post yet again!! Love you

Connie Marie said...

Another post worth reading. God bless you as you live "trusting" in your husbands best interests for you. My husband also loves me into willing submission!

Molly Coddled said...

As soon as I read submission reworded as trust I knew you were on to something. I not only will use this new wording in my life, I will use it when I speak to other women. Thank you, thank you because as much as I like to think the word submission doesn't bother me... I KNOW that I can trust Him.

Jacob C. said...

Don't mean to troll, but I'm pretty sure the Bible meant "submission" in accordance to what most would initiall assume-i.e. inferior. Doesn't the Book say it is a shame for women to speak in church?
I guess, though I try, I don't understand how some parts of the Bible are used for literal sense (like hating homosexuals), whereas other words aren't to be taken literally, like the Earth is flat, men can live in the belly of giant fish, and woman was created from the rib of a man. Help!

Tami Boesiger said...

Jacob C.,

I agree that much of the Bible can be confusing. I don't always get everything or like what I read myself. I do believe, however, that it can ALL be taken literally. I think a man DID live in a belly of a fish and woman was created from the rib of a man, but I can't think of anywhere that it says the Earth is flat or that we are to hate homosexuals. As far as women speaking in church, I know what you're talking about, but not sure how to address that with you as I don't have a great handle on it myself. My understanding and application of it is I should not teach or try to teach men which can be hard to determine.

I think the problem with the whole submission thing is misinterpretation. The Bible NEVER refers to women being inferior.

Which reminds me of the confusion involving the Bible--interpretation. Everyone interprets it differently which makes it difficult to know what you should do. For me, I pray and read MANY passages concerning any issue to make a decision.

Hang in there. The Bible is a difficult, but very worthwhile book to comprehend. You're not alone in your confusion.