Time With Superman

We watched the old Superman movie with Christopher Reeve last night. The first half of that movie where Clark Kent is some other dude with strange hair is just weird. Maybe I didn't get the full effect of it since I slept through most of it, but what I did see involved lots of psychedelic music and a story that didn't make any sense. After Clark's earthly father dies, he tells his mother (who looks like she ages thirty years over night) it's time to go and he walks to the North Pole and throws a green crystal thingy into the wilderness. The snow looks like quick sand as it swallows the crystal. Our kids did not appreciate our color commentary but I figured since there was no dialogue and only freaky music, we were doing them a favor.

Me: What is the deal with his mom? Why does she suddenly look so old? Why is he going to the North Pole? How did he get there so fast?

Kevin: He ran. He has to go there to make his fortress.

Me: Why did they use this guy? He doesn't look eighteen. Why didn't they just use Christopher Reeve and give him longer hair or something? And how does he know he's supposed to do this? There were no directions on the crystal thingy.

Kevin: Just watch. He's going to throw it.

Me: How can he hold that crystal and not be weak? I thought it was kryptonite. And why is the fortress in the ice? Why doesn't he seem more cold? He's not dressed very warm.

Ladies Man: Could you guys be quiet?

Me: What? There are no words. We're not missing anything.

Kevin: Now he's going to throw it and his fortress will rise.

Me: Have you watched this recently? How do you remember this? Weren't we like ten when this came out?

Clark pitches the crystal and it bobbles in the snow.

Me: Look, it's Jabba the Hut. How did he get there?

I found myself quite hysterical, but Ladies Man was getting annoyed.

Ladies Man: STOP!

Kevin: Now his real parents are going to show up.

Me: How do they get there? Does Jabba the Hut give them a ride?

Kevin: No, they're holograms. Wait for it. Here it comes. Here comes his dad.

Me: Where? That just looks like a blob.

Kevin: It's his head.

And that's when, to Ladies Man's relief, I lost interest again. If I have to work to see a head who sounds like he's talking in a can about really boring, sci-fi stuff, it just seems like too much effort. I snoozed again until hunky Christopher Reeve showed up. But I was still torn. He was so cute and Lois Lane so annoying. I'd wake up, take a peek at Christopher Reeve and then when Lois Lane started screaming I'd drift back into lala land.

Even though I probably only saw forty minutes of the movie, the time spent was totally worth it. I enjoyed a couple of hours planted in our big chair, cuddled up with my own Superman, snoozing at will, waking only to make stupid comments spurring his laughter and my satisfaction. Life is good.

Unless Kevin thinks I'm like that Lois Lane. Ew. Shoot me now.