Monday, April 18, 2011

Leadership in Marriage



The undermining is subtle.

We miss the implications of small gestures, flippant words. Something as simple as motioning the route I think he should take while driving starts the deflation. Questions assuming he didn't consider all options chip away at his confidence. Looking over his shoulder and having "suggestions" for every duty or decision tell him without words he is not trusted. Not letting him have the final say screams, "I know better." We want our husbands to be leaders, yet we take Satan's bait to second guess their every move.

Is it any wonder so many man cower? Our know-it-all attitudes, masqueraded as "help" speak louder than we know. If we nitpick each choice, don't they get tired of trying? We get fed up waiting for them to do it our way, and take it into our own hands, virtually saying, "Let me handle it, boy."

Boy. Ouch. How would you respond to that?

The biggest hurdle my husband must jump over in his task of leading our home is ME. My attitude. My distrust. It's a continual struggle to keep myself in check and let him do his job. So as I pray for my husband, I pray his wife will have the strength to trust his judgment and build him up by keeping her own mouth shut. It's a process and takes time, but I'm slowly learning. As I watch my husband stand taller and prove his trustworthiness, I'm relaxing and enjoying the fruits of his leadership.

And experiencing that blessed feeling of being taken care of.

Are you hampering your husband's attempts at guiding your family? Are you able to let some things go to make him feel trusted? Let your husbands lead, ladies. We may lose having things done our way, but gain security in exchange.

Go ahead. Give it a shot. Truly give him the reins. You may be surprised at how he'll bite off the task and bring you peace of mind.

Let him lead.

Find more thoughts on leadership in marriage by reading more Marriage Monday posts at Chrysalis.

7 comments:

Lisa notes... said...

"The biggest hurdle my husband must jump over in his task of leading our home is ME."

Ouch. I'm not sure I've thought of it that way before, but that is probably true for me too. I will carry this thought with me today to pray over. Thank you!

Christine said...

Yes, yes, yes, I am the barrier to his leadership! Great post. The driving thing hits home. Ouch! :)

Bobbi said...

I think you're right...My attitudes, ME...creeps up to demand leadership...and I'm not the leader. Great post...thanks.

Lisa Maria said...

Have you ever had to bite your tongue so hard it bled? ;-) I'd rather do that than continue in my old habits of 'mothering' my husband, trying to tell him what to do (especially when he's driving... boy is that one hard!)and just let him lead. What can I say.. its a constant effort and a work in progress.

e-Mom said...

Awesome, Tami! It's a blessing to come here as always. Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday, today.

Big hugs, e-Mom ღ

Cheri Gregory said...

"The undermining is subtle.

We miss the implications of small gestures, flippant words. Something as simple as motioning the route I think he should take while driving starts the deflation. "


Well put, Tami!

I know I was so much more careful when we were first married. In our first year of marriage, he repaired a blown head gasket on our car and the engine light stayed on. I asked about it, he assured me it was nothing, and 500 miles later we were stranded with a cracked engine block. I worked SO HARD to stay supportive and never once utter "I told you so" or anything that resembled it.

22 years later, I could learn a lot from that careful newbie wife I once was! Now days, I excuse my "hurdle" status by focusing all the obstacles he's strewn in my path -- disappointment, unfulfilled promises, unfair accusations.

It's so easy to insist that he love and accept me unconditionally, "warts and all," while simultaneously refusing to follow his leadership unless he perfectly matches my vision of my Prince Charming.

Heaven hep my attitude, my distrust, and my hypocrisy!

Cin said...

Ah...your words could me mine here. Yes, I can be the biggest obstacle because as I say "our hows are different." Different though is good. So good and I am learning slowly too. I pray for Sarah obedience often.
Thank you once again Tami.
Remembering you and your family a lot over the past few days.