Monday, August 15, 2011

A Way to Overlook

I'm not sure when it happened, when I stopped thinking the best of her. I suppose it was about the time I assumed too much of her reaction. At some point I felt judged and found lacking and instead of mentioning it right away, I stuffed it. But then resentment built and my speculations (which may or may not have been true) grew, making me certain she thought ill of me.

We hurt each other. We disappointed and let down and got defensive. We pulled away.

Walls went up.

Grace fell.

And it's bothered me. A lot. I've always thought myself good at relationships. They've been easy for me. I've never had a tough time making or keeping friends, or I didn't use to. Why have my adult years muddied the waters of relationships?

God answered my prayers in an unusual way. When someone asked me about an entirely different subject and person, I heard myself say, "I know where she's come from and how hard it's been on her. I guess I love her so much I can't think bad of her."

A bell went off in my head taking me to my troubled relationship. That's what I've been missing.

I haven't loved her enough.

I haven't loved her enough to overlook the words that hurt, the things I assume she's thinking (which she may not be). I've forgotten what she's been through and how far she's come and the burdens she plows through every day in obedience to God who keeps telling her to go in.

I love her so much I can't think bad of her.

Why haven't I applied it to her?

Friendships can be complicated. The older I get, the more defeated I feel about being a good friend. Experience has taught me I can't meet the expectations of everybody. Demands on my time cause me to shrink away. I unintentionally disappoint. My own hurt feelings cloud correct thinking.

Walls go up.

Grace falls.

But does it have to be this way? Can't we do something?

We must love so much we can't think bad. Love looks past today. Love considers another's history, remembering that where a person comes from shapes the way they interact now. Love looks for soft spots and tries to be sensitive. Love acknowledges their work to overcome.

Love covers over a multitude of sins.

I love her so much I can't think bad of her.

Lord, make this true in all my relationships. Give me Your eyes to see into the past. Give me a greater, stronger, deeper heart. Help me love this much.

Photo Credit: :: Hello Mizu ::

1 comment:

Annie said...

I always love your open, honest, heartfelt posts. Thank you.