Wanting to cultivate

I had lunch with my mom today. My mom is great. She is smart and fun-loving and thoughtful and giving and beautiful. Growing up, whenever people would tell me I looked like my mom, it was the hugest compliment. I hope I age as well as she has--no gray eyelashes on this woman! Last year, when she went to ask a few questions about Social Security issues, she was actually asked to show some identification to prove her age! She is an incredible person in her own right (there's many more posts there), but she always makes me feel like a million bucks, like there's no one on the face of the earth quite as amazing as me (see how awesome she is?!). I found myself jabbering on incessantly with her today. She made me feel confident and capable, which, if you read this blog regularly, you'll know is not always the norm for me.

On the way home I wondered why I can be so animated with some people like my mom and with others be so boring and quiet. Why can I be at ease with some and intimidated by others? Why is it easy to spill my guts with one person, yet put my guard up with another? What makes the difference?

In looking for the answer, I thought about other people who bring out this feeling in me. When I was dating my husband I liked him because he was one of the first men I knew who enjoyed my sense of humor. He would actually listen intently and chuckle, like he thought I was cute or something (go figure!). He still makes me feel special when he laughs at my silliness. I see the same look in my kids' eyes as they try to call me "old school", yet smirk favorably and shake their heads at my goofy comments. "Mom," they say with a giggle (and sometimes a blush). Approving smiles of friends put me at ease, giving me permission to be who I am without reservation. The acceptance makes me feel so alive. In the presence of people who love and appreciate me and my uniqueness, I absolutely thrive.

I don't think I can be alone in this. I'm assuming you've felt this too. Which makes me wonder, what do I need to do to make others thrive? How can I show them the kind of love and appreciation that will make them flourish? How can I make people feel comfortable enough to let their real selves come out and shine?



I suppose first I have to know them. I have to hear their words and remember them so they know I was really listening. I have to look for THEM, not their outward appearance, but their heart. I have to find the good. I have to appreciate where they have been. I have to love them in my smile and show my appreciation in my eyes (a pat on the arm may not hurt either). Do you suppose this is how people felt in Jesus' presence, the love and acceptance appreciating their uniqueness? Is that why people were drawn to Him? Is that why WE are drawn to Him?

I know it's a tall order, but I want to love others this way. I want to give them permission to be themselves and watch them thrive. I know I'll probably fail more than I succeed, but I'm going to give it my best shot. How about you? You want to revel in the joy of another?

Photos courtesy of pesotum and orhan at flickr.