I don't have to tell those of you reading this that the blogosphere can be an odd place. It is a microcosm of our world, containing all the elements of life without having to put a face or even a name if we don't want to, to our actions. We can find common ground among strangers and intellectual stimulation without ever leaving our homes.
But it is also easy to hurt one another. Without the aid of body language and tone, our words can come off as harsh and judgmental when they are truly meant to be gentle criticism. I've found that out the hard way a few times and gotten myself into some difficult situations with people who are my family in Christ.
I once had a "blog spat" with Shaun Groves, who expressed his frustration with the church putting on a show once a week and not taking the time to disciple its members. He is a Christian singer who makes his money putting on concerts so I didn't think what he did was much different and tried to point that out. We ended up spending FAR too much time justifying ourselves to one another until I finally realized I was wasting time and hurting a fellow brother. I had read his blog long enough to know he has a heart for the same God I do and for a generation of people I will never reach. Our little spat was doing nothing good to unify the body and further God's work. Stupid, Tami.
The reason I get into these predicaments is because I get a little tired of the love fests that generally happen in the comment sections of blogs. The commenters almost always agree and often incessantly praise the author (funny how this doesn't bother me as much on MY blog!). I want to scream, "Hey, aren't we supposed to be sharpening one another? As "family" aren't we supposed to be challenging each other? Where's the serious discussion that helps us all think and grow?" Yet every time I go against the flow of common (comment) thought, I regret it afterwards. The nature of the blog itself can be deceiving. We think we know a person because we've read about their lives and their troubles and been exposed to some personal thoughts, yet it is a very small part of that author. It's easy to assume too much from what we read. So if I've offended any of you out there in bloggyland, please know I mean no disrespect. If I comment on your blog at all it's because I've been reading it regularly which means I like what you have to say. If I comment a lot, I REALLY like what you have to say.
I wonder, is there a way to avoid this? If the blogosphere is a small representation of society, I think not. It's easy to offend others in real life too. People don't understand our sense of humor, don't know our sore spots, don't know the inner struggles we've had and comments sometimes hurt. This is an area I could truly feel despair over. No matter how careful I am, if I am involved with people, I will hurt them and they will hurt me. It's inevitable. If I think about it too much, being a hermit looks pretty appealing. Yet all over the New Testament, God calls us to encourage one another which implies involvement with each other. And I assume we need to attempt it whether we are understood or not. So I'll keep plugging away at it, praying I don't say the wrong thing and if I do, relying on God's wisdom to make something good out of it.
To all of my fellow bloggers, thank you. You've enriched my life with your thought-provoking posts. Know that I mean for my words to bring you good not harm. The problem is I am human. Forgive me if I have hurt you. That is never my intent. I may not always agree with you, but I respect you for putting yourself out there, opening yourself up to all kinds of criticisms. What you do matters. There are, without a doubt, people you will never hear from who are inspired by your words. May we all walk on in His spirit.
Thanks to mkreyness for his photo.
12 comments:
This was a nice "disclaimer" Tami! Thanks for your kind words.
I don't mind controversy on my blog, and sometimes I invite it. So feel free to speak your mind/heart in your comments. I'll respond back, and you can even comment again for a bit of "dialogue" if you want.
That said, rather than leave long- winded comments on other's blogs when I disagree, sometimes I take up the topic on my own blog, as a post. After all, we have the perfect forum in blogland for putting our views out there... so why not take advantage of it?
It seems the guys' blogs are more oriented toward theological debate, and so on. Men don't seem to take disagreement as personally. Maybe you could hang out with a few of them. :~)
Hugs, e-Mom
It is very hard to show tone in writing. I have the same problem with email and have had some "confrontations" that way (others initiating, me responding). I applaud you for trying to put it out there and try to shed some light on the issue. I enjoy a good comment- one that agrees or not- but worry sometimes about offending someone with what I write. I have been learning to write for me, just being honest, instead of trying to please the blogosphere. Thanks for opening this can of worms.
Thank you for this Tami! I want my blog to be a place where God can use others to sharpen me. And when disagreement comes from someone who has taken the time to get to know me (at least the me I put out there) it is much easier to handle than a random criticism. I think that is in part because tone is easier to read after you have had dialogue with someone else. But I know that I wear my feelings on my sleeve as well and need to be careful not to take comments too personally.
I always appreciate it when you drop my place. The dialogue is always edifying. Blessings to you!
I guess I look at the blogosphere as visiting someone's home. I would never offer a contrary opinion unless I was specifically asked for it. It may have to do iwth my personality too - I can disagree and not feel a need to let the person know. Some bloggers "ask for it" - they put an opinion out there and welcome differing points of view. For the most part, I look at the blogosphere as a place where I can just be me and get my thoughts out in a somewhat cohesive manner, and I tend to assume that's what most of the blogs I visit are doing. BTW - you are always a gracious and intelligent commenter and poster!
Thanks for your responses, ladies! I wonder, how much risk do you take on your comments or your blogs? Do you play it safe or do you try to rev up discussion? How do you decide what you do or don't include when you write? What guidelines do you give yourself?
You're so right on target with this, Tami. Electronic communication seems to have such a high potential for misunderstanding attached to it. I find I'm easily misunderstood in email, because as you and your commenters have pointed out, it's so difficult to convey a tone of voice and there is certainly no body language to further make the message clear.
I find that most people don't want to be "contrary" on blogs except for a certain few blogs that tend to invite that. I don't want to create controversy because like you, whenever I do, I immediately regret it. I suppose I'm more comfortable expressing contrary opinions in person -- that way, a conversation can take place to make sure we understand each other and find out if we have any points of agreement or not.
I often express "contrary" thoughts on my blog and I'd expect to get more people disagreeing with me (which would be fine). But I assume people just read my post and if they like it, they might leave a comment, and if they don't, they just click away to somewhere else and leave me in peace. The beauty of the internet... why start an argument when it's probably going to be misunderstood anyway?
Recently someone vehemently disagreed with a post of mine, and instead of leaving a comment, she emailed me privately, which I appreciated. I think most people don't feel right having an argument "out in public."
Anyway, great post!
(Sorry, it's always a love fest when I'm on your blog.)
Hey this sounds like progress to me on this topic!
Maybe that's why I use so many smiley faces and ;) faces... because there's no body language and I'm always afraid I'm going to be misunderstood. hmmm... this is a tough topic though. Thanks for having the guts to bring it up, and to sharpen us when we need it! (And sorry to continue the love fest but... we really do love you Tami!) Please keep sharing your thoughts with us! We need that wisdom! :)
~Kara
To answer your question in your comment above: When I encounter a point or two in my comments that I disagree with, I try to back up my differing thought with relevant Scripture. I feel the freedom to share that way on my own blog. But I try to do it with kindness and with respect... I suppose more in the role of "teacher" than as a "sparring partner."
Nice discussion here!
Good question about guidelines, Tami. Again, I think much has to do with your personality. I for one have trouble dealing with conflict, so I don't invite a lot of argument and discussion probably. Although I do love to argue and discuss and would enjoy doing it in email. I think the blogosphere we enjoy is due largely to the fact that it differs from a highly opinionated forum, even Christian ones. I think you ahve a good balance of presenting your thoughts confidently . . . always enjoy your posts! In fact, you've kind of inspired me to get away from the community chit-chat kind of posts that draw people to my blog and just start posting what's really on my mind, even though that probably means fewer readers and comments. (Sorry this got long!!)
I too, find it difficult to post controversial comments in a clear non-threatening way. Someone suggested to me, reading my comments aloud before posting them. That has helped somewhat.
Secondly: instead of countering w/my opinion, I just leave a related scripture w/reference.
You said: "I get a little tired of the love fests that generally happen in the comment sections of blogs. The commenters almost always agree and often incessantly praise the author (funny how this doesn't bother me as much on MY blog!). I want to scream, "Hey, aren't we supposed to be sharpening one another? As "family" aren't we supposed to be challenging each other? Where's the serious discussion that helps us all think and grow?"
I love that! It's very insightful. I've felt the same way, and have sometimes had to wonder about people misunderstanding the spirit of what I say in my own comments.
All we can do is make sure we're truly motivated by love and try to show it. Jesus Himself was misunderstood, so I guess we can expect it to happen to us, too. Don't give up on "iron sharpening iron." It's true love (if done in love), even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.
Cyber-hugs!
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