Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Exactly what they need

I'm not a model mother.

My kids would concur. I think every one of them wished I would take a flying leap on Saturday. Frankly, it didn't sound like a bad idea to me either. This mom gig is tough!

Last week I growled into my husband's shoulder saying I needed a break from being a mom. I love my kids, I really do. They are awesome, no angels, mind you (unless you count the youngest the rest of them call "Perfect Baby Angel Child" who never gets in trouble. When will they quit beating that old drum?!). It's just that sometimes I get tired of the commitments, the laundry, the appointments, the money being shelled out, the late nights, the early mornings, the endless questions and minor crises I'm supposed to address at a moment's notice.

Don't say it. I'll say it for you. My whiny baby syndrome is kicking in again. You think God resists the urge to smack me the same way I do with my teenage daughter when hormones take over her mouth?

Believe it or not, my reality check came through a television program. A couple was divorcing and the husband was awarded temporary custody of the kids for two weeks. As the wife was getting the children ready to go with their dad, she put on a happy face, trying to make it easier on them, telling them how much fun they were going to have, assuring the older of the two it was going to be okay. But the minute the front door shut, she fell to the floor. I've never faced this kind of trauma personally, yet I couldn't help but cry along with her. As much as they wear me out, I can't stand the thought of living without my kids.

The truth is I prayed to be a mother. I yearned for it. And God answered my prayer, four times over. Despite my feelings of inadequacy, it is no mistake these kids live in my house. Though I'm going to mess up every single day, though I'm bound to lose my temper and get frustrated, though my body is consistently weary, He chose me the same way He chose Mary. It is a divine appointment. I am the best possible mother for each of them. No one else can give them what I can. When it gets overwhelming, I need to remember His promise:

He tends his flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart. He gently leads those that have young.

There is hope and help. I can do this mother thing as long as I hold His hand.

I pray as my children sit around with their friends and talk about the stupid things their parents do or did, they are gentle. I pray as they become parents themselves they will understand. And I pray for strength for mothers every where. May His spirit empower us to be exactly what our children need.


Brenda said...

Well said again Tami. Most of motherhood would not make a pretty Hallmark card. But the deep down feelings do. Oh and cute photo of you and kids.

Rachelle said...

Very well said Tami. I like the Hallmark thought too, Brenda, ain't that the truth!

Ann V.@HolyExperience said...

Yes, Tami, yes.
Only by His grace, taking His hand and the next step. Yes, isn't mothering hard? But this is our way to the Heights of Him.
Let's take His Hand, and His Spirit and press onward and upward. And when we are too tired to go on... we'll let the Spirit carry us...
Like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTUSB6eBoFs

I send love, sister...
All's grace,

Shalene said...

Tami, I feel you, I really do. As you may know, I have four myself (and also one that is a teenage daughter) so I know exactly what you are saying. You are the perfect mother for them. Just as I am sure you are the perfect wife for your husband. None of us is perfect, and I'd be willing to bet (if I were a betting woman) that you're children are gentle about you. I don't get the feeling that you have taught your kids to be unkind, and as unkind as kids can be sometimes, usually they learn maliciousness somewhere. Blessings to you, my dear. And thanks again for visiting my blog, and for the words of encouragement about my most recent "episode".

Anonymous said...

Tami: I can so relate to this. I have two under the age of three and I long for the days when I had energy for myself. But I also remember how long I prayed for these little guys and that I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Your kids are lucky to have you for a parent. I can tell from your writing that you have such a tender heart that loves deeply. So many kids don't have anything close to that!

Your kids all look so happy! It was also fun to see a picture of you, too!!