When Little is Big

I've been feeling itchy lately. I feel like there's something I'm missing, or rather, missing out on. I've been praying for God to give me something new, something different, something more to do for Him. (I know, I know, what am I thinking?!) Maybe it's that my kids are getting older which, dagnabbit, means I'm getting older too. I've wondered if it's a midlife crisis thing, wishing I had made more of a mark in my lifetime, feeling insignificant putting "Homemaker" on forms. All I know is I wish for something BIG to do for God.

Because I know myself, I realize this restlessness may not come from a pure desire to proclaim God, but a longing to be recognized as doing something great. And I hate that too. So I've been praying for more opportunities or different opportunities to be used by God, but I've told Him I won't go looking for them. If that is what He wants, He'll have to bring them to me. Only then will I know it is of Him and not my own selfish desires.

Then yesterday, I was sitting with a friend, listening to her air her frustrations and concerns. She wasn't looking for advice, but needed a sympathetic, nonjudgmental ear. Though I understood her pain, I felt helpless to do anything about it and wondered how my involvement made a difference. Then God whispered to me "Don't you see? This is important to me. This IS a big thing."

As I prepared for Bible study and later soaked in the voices of wisdom and experience from Godly women, God said it again, "THIS is big."

This afternoon I waited in a doctor's office for more than an hour. I listened to a woman basically process her divorce out loud. It all started with my innocent, "How have you been?" After she was called back, I got frustrated with the long wait. I watched my kids entertain themselves quietly, wondered what to make for dinner, and thought of a million other things I could be doing. And God struck again, "This is big to Me. Being humble, putting yourself behind the needs others is important." Leaving with the new appointment I sighed thinking about all such commitments our family has to get to in the next week and God said, "You honor Me by taking care of others."

I want my service to God to be less ho-hum. I want it to be exciting and inspiring and full of the awareness of His Spirit. I know that can happen, because it has before, but God wants more from me. He wants me to be faithful in all things, whether they bring tingles or only a half-hearted smile.

"We are not built for the mountains and the dawns and aesthetic affinities, those are for moments of inspiration, that is all. We are built for the valley, for the ordinary stuff we are in, and that is where we have to prove our mettle."
~ Oswald Chambers

I honor God by being faithful, faithful to what He has given me. Sometimes that may mean an exciting opportunity, but mostly it means persevering in the ordinary, developing a spirit of service and getting rid of my own selfishness. I prove my love and point to my Lord when I trudge through the every day with a sense of divine calling.

Lord, forgive me for missing the big opportunities you place before me every day. Forgive me for wanting more. May I be faithful to what You have given me. May I bring You joy and glory in the little things.





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