The years are starting to sound a little old to me. I am seeing the effects of aging more all the time and honestly, I'm not all that thrilled with it. I got freaked out when I went to renew my driver's license. I looked into the eye machine and it was so blurry I couldn't tell if they were numbers or letters. Thank the Lord for a gracious DMV lady! Last night I had a dream that suddenly the gray hairs in my head tripled. And yesterday I couldn't help but wince a little when my son said with eyebrows raised really high, "You're going to be 44?!" No reservations about growing older here, huh?
But when I think about what age I'd like to be, nothing stands out. I don't want to rush forward and miss something and I can't think of any year I'd want to live over again. I have no desire for the sleepless nights in my 20s and 30s with infants. I don't want to navigate the whole dating thing--it was bad enough the first time! I don't even want to be a carefree kid again, because as I recall, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I was supposed to be then. It was a little stressful! I was in the best shape of my life when I was 30 and 31, but I was probably dumber then too. It's a close call, but when choosing between smart or beautiful I'd have to pick smart. It doesn't fade as quickly as beautiful. Plus, my dear husband tells me what he finds most attractive about me is my head (still don't get that one, but hey, I'm not complaining).
So yes, I'm getting older. My hair is getting more gray in it. The wrinkles are getting deeper. I've never been considered "hot" and I've resigned myself to the fact it ain't gonna happen now. But I am happy, truly happy and content in my life. These 44 years have taught me much about life and God's great love and waiting on Him. If I dwell on what I've lost in youth I'll never appreciate what I gain with age.
It seems a little ironic to me that the verse I clung to as a young woman wondering how any man would ever want to marry me is the same verse I cling to as my body decays.
But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7
There is much more to me than what anyone sees on the outside. Though my exterior fades more every day, my interior, my heart, is getting better all the time thanks to the Spirit's work. Having another birthday means God's not quite done with me yet. He's still fine tuning which means every year I get a bit better. His grace to me and in me is producing something more meaningful and eternal than a youthful appearance.
Oh Lord, thank You for another year, another year to know You better, another year to experience Your surprises, another year to be better than the last. Fulfill Your plan in me. Continue to make me more than I am today.
Read more Thankful Thursday posts at Sting My Heart.