Letting Go, But Holding On

In a few months, he'll live somewhere else. He'll have a life apart from us, two and half hours from home. There will be no more garbage left by the computer, no more hooting and smacking the table to make his siblings jump, no more wandering the house at night when he can't sleep, no more hiding behind corners to see how loud he can make his sister scream.

Our family will never be the same.

I keep telling myself it's part of life. Children grow up and move on. It's what we've been working for his whole life. He's ready for the next thing and frankly I'm a little excited about what my own future may hold. But none of this takes away the ache in my heart. It still feels like loss.

In setting out one of his new pictures, I had to move another of him at five years old, the ring bearer in a wedding, and a little pang shot in my chest. When he decided on a college this week, it seemed more real, and I shed a few tears. He's begun the "lasts" at school--the last homecoming, the last drum line show, the last show choir competition. . .*SIGH*

But God, in His mercy, tells me, "Concentrate on what you WON'T be losing."

I'll still get his phone calls telling me who he is even though I already know. "Hey, Mom, it's Keygan."

Since he's going into the same field as his dad, I'll get to watch them "talk shop."

Because he's never shied away from it at any age, I know he'll always have a hug ready when he sees me.

We'll have an excuse for family road trips.

I won't lose the pride I feel when he does his thing and does it well. The kid knows how to charm even his mother.

I will always and forever be his mom. He will always and forever be my son. No distance, no age can take that away from us.

I may be losing my little boy, but I'm gaining a man, with interesting ideas and a fun sense of humor and a slew of gifts I'm anxious to see God hone. What is there to be upset about?

Thank You, Lord, for the gift of this son and the privilege to watch him grow. Make him into Your vision of what he should be.


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