Tuesday, April 28, 2009


I'm an ordinary person. In seconds I could give you a list of my glaring faults. I have nothing for a person to be intimidated by, yet I've been told before one gets to know me, I seem unapproachable. Last week an anonymous commenter on this blog said they were glad to know I was human. Sheesh. What kind of vibe am I sending out? What kind of rose-colored glasses are people looking through and where can I get some?

What about you? What do you say without words?

Lots of women don't LOOK like they need friends. They come off very confident, very sure, very together. But are they? Really? I can't tell you the number of "together" women I've talked to who are lonely and seeking deep, meaningful relationships.

Are we guilty of assuming too much about each other? Why do we compare ourselves and come up short every time? Why are we so easily intimidated? Why should a size 12 think she's not in the same league as a size 6? Why do we come to conclusions about people we don't know? What do we base those opinions on? Is it fair to write ourselves off as inferior for things we only see on the outside?

She may have a beautiful wardrobe, but it doesn't mean she's feeling as good as she looks. In fact, most women I find very beautiful don't see it in themselves at all. She may look as if she has a slew of friends, but what if everyone thought that about her and no one called?

Every woman I've ever met can point out ten faults for every strength admired by another. Behind every pretty face is a person with thoughts and feelings and insecurities. If we started looking at each other through that knowledge instead of envy, would it change how we related to each other? Would we let our guards down? Would we reach out more?

I'm guilty of getting ready in the morning and sighing as I take that final look in the mirror (for reasons I will not mention--why would I identify my flaws for you?), but I don't think I'm the only one. The "together" woman sitting across the aisle from me in church probably did the same thing, as did the beautiful woman singing special and the lovely woman who has an easy hug and smile for everyone. The pastor's wife did it and the lady in choir with the perfect nails did it and so did the pretty young thing with the hunky husband as well as the driver of that expensive new car.

We need to quit letting Satan fill our minds with these false assumptions. The truth is we all feel inadequate. We all wish we were better. We are all in the same boat. Let's start being on the same team instead of sizing up the competition.


MiPa said...

Amen to that last paragraph! Well said my friend.

Jill said...

Wow, I am sorry. I left my comment in fun. I never meant it to be anything negative.

Kelly said...

Sadly, because of our very nature, the Bible says that "Man looks at the outward appearance......" But isn't that the struggle and challenge for us in every area of our lives --- to not be so distracted by that which is temporary, but rather to transfixed on the eternal?! I think we would do well to follow God's example and look and seek, instead, to know each others heart! :)

Annette said...

Wow. You are amazing at sharing your heart on your blog. Thank you. You are beautiful.

Susan said...

This was great Tami!

You are really gifted a getting your point across.

You are real, and VERY approachable to me.

I find that comment ODD...

Thanks for sharing what we all experience, but are too insecure to admit.

You're the best!!!!

Anonymous said...

I guess that interacting w/ Christian women really isn't any different that worldly women. I apologized. Nothing was meant to be hurtful or mean. To me, Tami wrote the blog in fun to add a twist to her page. Poking fun at our concerns, I thought I was just going along. Never meant to make Tami feel bad. She puts her heart out there to help us all. Any way, enough with this site. I'll just hang on my own.

Tami Boesiger said...

Dear Anonymous (and Jill?),

Help me here. I'm confused. You sound offended and hurt and I don't know why. Rest assured my feelings were not hurt AT ALL. You were completely on in your interpretation. I did write the butt post to be silly and fun.

Perhaps I need to explain myself. I only mentioned the anonymous comment in this post because you stumped me with the "you do have a human side." I was NOT offended, just didn't understand how anyone would get the impression I wasn't. (I see it more often in a day than I like.) The comment got jumbled in with my thoughts on connection and the impressions we give others. I did not mention it here to retaliate. It just came out with the other stuff.

How did you get hurt in this? Please don't write Christian women off because of a strange encounter on a silly blog. It is so hard to completely understand a person's words without their tone and body language.

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. It was not my intent either. Please e-mail me if you wish to discuss this privately (You can find the address on my profile). It kills me to think my words might bring pain to someone else. It is the very opposite of what I try to do. I would love to iron this out with you.

Love you,

Rachelle said...

Its so ironic to me, that a post on assumptions, ends with people writing a whole lot of assumptions about others. Why is everyone so edgy about a word, or words written and then so easily misunderstood, without hearing or seeing the others reaction let alone hearing the way it was said. I don't know, I think we are all WAY too quick to judge, or make assumptions about someone. I know I have been told (by more than 1 person) that the way I answer the phone makes me sound grumpy, or not very inviting. Why should someone make those assumptions about me, just by the way I say "hello"???? Ok, now I'm rambling, anyway, like the post and your thoughts.....miss you lots!!!

Brenda said...

But he said to me,'My grace if sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor 12:9

Jaime said...

WOW! I don't know which is more thought provoking.....the blog or the comments! I've always wanted to look at myself through another's eyes, I can't imagine I'm alone in this. Bottom line, if we're all in the same boat, why don't we just row together?

Linda said...

I am guilty of:

Not reaching out to someone who I wanted to befriend because I thought their life was too full to include me.

Love hopes all things. Love does not seek its own.

Not being patient enough to wade past first impressions and let their heart be known.

Love is patient.

Assuming God was blessing someone more than me and wishing I could have the same.

Love is not jealous.

Not reaching out to lonely women in my life or not even seeing they are lonely.

Love is kind. Love bears all things.

Making too quick an assumption about someone's intentions.

Love does not act unbecomingly.

Most of all, I have been hurt when the same things happened to me.

Love is not provoked and does not take into account a wrong suffered.

Love never fails.

Lord, help me live your way.

Vicki said...

Good post. Honest and to the point - which I appreciate about you.

I think we all need to remind each other of who we are in Christ - our security & identity are in Him - nothing else matters near as much, but the flesh sure can trip us up:-) As to anonymous' comment, I think she just meant she was glad to see your human-ness...which you reflect all along.