Monday, June 01, 2009

Being the Right Person

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis

I want him to catch his breath when I walk into a room. I want him to spend his days noticing, and telling me about, every wonderful quality I have. I want him to surprise me with diamonds and take care of everything that worries me. I want him to be impressed with my cooking abilities and housecleaning skills. I want him to think me the most capable mother on the planet. I want him to say nice things about me to his friends and think I am the hottest thing he's ever seen. I wouldn't even mind a little drool.

At the very least, shouldn't he notice the efforts I make to make his life easier?

But loving doesn't work that way in God's economy. He calls us to a higher standard. He tells us being a good mate is not about getting what you want. It's about being what he needs.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

My husband doesn't need a high maintenance wife.
He doesn't need me adding to his stress with big expectations.
He doesn't need to work himself to death to afford expensive presents.
He doesn't need to walk on eggshells to keep me happy.

My husband needs a welcoming atmosphere to come home to.
He needs a team mate and sometimes a coach, but never a taskmaster.
He needs a confidante, not a mother.
He needs a lover, not another person to please.

It's a tall order and I fail regularly. It requires me to swallow my own selfishness and an awful lot of snark from time to time. But when I work to give him what he needs, instead of expecting what I want, he appreciates it. He wants to reciprocate.

When I build him up, he's stronger. When he's stronger, WE'RE stronger. Being the right person, the right wife for my husband, will bring out the best in him.

Give a shout out to Christine and read more Marriage Monday posts at Fruit in Season.


Denise said...

Enjoyed this post.

MiPa said...

When I build him up, he's stronger. When he's stronger, WE'RE stronger. So true! When I'm being the wife he needs me to be, our marriage is strengthened and he is more naturally what I need (without the expectations of what I might want). Great post my friend.

Christine said...

You have such a wonderful perspective and way of expressing what we all feel. It is the way of the flesh to look to only our needs, and yet we try to rise above it in our words and actions. Great post!

Brenda said...

I really like this Tami.

tonya said...

I love what you said, "When I build him up, he's stronger."

I think as wives with our love and respect, we can encourage our husbands to do things that seemed impossible to do.

Great post!