Monday, August 31, 2009

What I Want My Daughters (and sons) to Know About Sex

Hopefully e-Mom will forgive me if I stray slightly from her designated topic for this Marriage Monday--Mothers and Daughters Talk About Love. As I considered what to write, all that came to me was "the talk" I had recently with my younger daughter. Forgive me for having sex on the brain (you IRL friends, stop laughing right now!), but finding the worldly view of it too shallow, I make sure my kids know a fundamental truth about sex.

It's not just physical.

Something much deeper happens when two people come together in sexual union, more significant than our society will admit. Sex creates an emotional and spiritual connection, forever linking a couple even after the physical act is complete. It is serious business, not to be taken lightly or flippantly, not to dismiss as "a good time," not merely an activity.

Sex is God's way of bonding a couple together for life.

When I explain it to my kids, I liken it to scotch tape. If you put two pieces of tape together, sticky sides in, they bond pretty tightly almost immediately. Try as you might, it is hard to rip apart, nearly impossible to do without damaging the tape. If you do get the pieces separated, they aren't as sticky anymore and adhering them to something else isn't quite as effective.

Uniting our body with another binds us together like that tape. We become one, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We establish a connection which makes it tough to part without pain. And if we are able to separate from that person, the ripping apart makes us distrustful and wary, affecting our ability to bond with another.

It explains a lot about men or women who remain with someone they know isn't good for them. If they've slept with them, they've formed an invisible tie that is hard to break. And what about wives who find their disheveled bed head husbands cute or men who remain attracted to their wives through stretch marks and wrinkles? Aren't they able to do so because their connection goes beyond the physical?

We need to tell our children to protect their tape, not only for their own purity, but also to ensure the best bond with their future mate. "Saving oneself for marriage" is about more than preserving virginity. It is about providing the best possible soil for a marriage to succeed.

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Photo Credit: jepoirrier


Anonymous said...

What a great post! The visual of your example of scotch tape was PERFECT! :D
Have a blessed week!

Constance said...

Excellent post Tami! I think the tape analogy is perfect! You're right, purity is a small part of the big picture. It's funny, but God REALLY does know best doesn't he? Sex IS sacred because if it wasn't a deeper connection taking place, how else can you explain the depth and range of emotions that occur when that trust has been broken?

MiPa said...

I'm filing away the analogy of scotch tape to use in the future. It is a great picture.

Bless you for sharing the things you want your children to know. These past few weeks as you have prepared yourself to speak of these things with you daughter has allowed me to pray for you in that time, but also reminded me to begin praying now for my girls and the talks we will have in the future.

Have an amazing week!

Denise said...

Very good post.

bp said...

The tape is a great example, thanks for sharing that. I may use that some day in the future.

I think this is a great Marriage Monday post! God bless.

Hazel C. said...

Great post! Thanks for sharing these thoughts with us... I think someday, when I start having teenage daughters of my own (if God wills it!), I'll be returning again to this post in particular. :)

As for your question regarding my mom, if she didn't have to work abroad I think she would have done a better job taking care of us and we would have had a much greater relationship. But then if that happened, maybe I would not become a Christian like I am today, I probably would still be a practicing, religious and devout Catholic and most likely a member of the Marian Devotees/Sisters.
Things happen for a reason and I have learned, growing up, that I only have to trust that they happen for the good, always. :)

Wife of Rob said...


I LOVE the tape analogy! That is about the best one (and most accurate) that I think I've ever heard. What insight! Thank you for the great post!


Anonymous said...

Jumping up and down, and applauding wildly. Great stuff, Tami. (And right on topic.) Very well said! Your scotch tape analogy is brilliant, and I'm sure your children will make wise choices thanks to your counsel.

Actually, what you say about sex and emotional bonding is backed up by science. Something about our brain's "amygdala"... Another subject for another day. (Google it!)

Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today.

Hugs, e-Mom :~D

Melanie said...

That scotch tape analogy is great! I especially liked how you applied it in the second to last paragraph. Wonderful post! Thanks so much for sharing.

Amydeanne said...

great topic. reminds me of a marriage study we did years ago when we were first married!

Kayla said...

I use the tape analogy all the time with my students. Thanks for not being afraid to talk about hard subjets. I know it has helped me in my personal life as well as my "professional" life.

Love you

Lynn said...

Oh Tami,

This is an excellent post... Girl, filled with wisdom and truth..

I think I will put my daughter in front of the computer when she gets home from school to read this.

Thank you.

Betsy Markman said...

This is fantastic! Thanks!