Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Blind Side Questions
We finally saw the movie everyone's been talking about. I understand its popularity. What a great story.
But it's true confession time on this blog again (surprise, surprise). I came away feeling more defeated than inspired (Let's blame it on hormones and a weary body, 'kay? That's my excuse for everything, huh?).
Sandra Bullock's character is so spunky and strong and knows how to get things done. She's a mother bear who makes sure her cubs get their due (and looks good doing it!). Me? Not so much. I'm the woman who sits back and wonders what God's doing in her kids' lives. I don't march in and tell anybody how to deal with my children or how to get through to them. Have I slighted them?
The impact this woman made on one young man's life is dramatic. I want to do that. I want to touch people. I want to help them be who God has created. I want to introduce them to a life in Him which exceeds everything the world has to offer. I want to make a difference and point others to an amazing, Almighty God.
And yet my efforts seem so small. I know God's economy differs from the world's, that He measures hearts not results, but how much is enough for God? Can a Christian ever rest?
I've always had a desire to do something great for God. I read a blog post this week by Smoochagator that has me examining my motives again. I've questioned for years if I'm truly trying to bring glory to God or only wanting to make a name for myself. I wish I knew the answer. I possess a very real fear of messing up this life. I don't want to miss out on what God wants me to accomplish. I don't want to meet Jesus face-to-face and have Him shake His head at me in disappointment. And yet this desire to be better and do more puts a tremendous burden on my shoulders. Is it self-imposed? Can pressure be from God?
People who know me tell me I AM accomplishing great things for God. Why is it not enough? Why must I always want more? Is God whispering to my soul or Satan taunting my ego?
How much is enough? Did Jesus not lay down His very life for us? Does He expect less from us? Where is the line between striving and resting in His grace?