Monday, March 28, 2011

Don't You Quit

My words had done it again. Offended. Hurt. Caused conflict.

Sigh.

It was not my intention. I work hard to be respectful, positive, open-minded, loving. Yet you can't please everybody. You can't predict how others will react. You can't know how past experiences jade those around you.

And so sometimes, though they were not meant to, words will wound. When mine do, it both saddens and scares me. It quiets me. It triggers my hiding instinct.

But God tells me I cannot hide.

Sigh.

When it happened this time I prayed. I sought counsel. I let it go, but my heart was still heavy so I headed to the gym. Time to burn off some steam, I thought. I needed a release from myself, from my sadness, my stewing, my fear. Could a hard workout make me too tired to think? Can a person sweat out emotional turmoil? I was determined to try. I stepped onto the treadmill intending to completely wear myself out. I had just jacked up my speed when God spoke loud and clear.

Don't you quit until I tell you to.

No problem. It was going to take a while to rid myself of the anxiety I felt. My mind wouldn't shut off.

Lord, it will happen again. There's no way to protect myself.

Don't you quit. Not until I tell you to.

My heart rate jumped, my breathing quickened, but I was there until He said to stop.

I will do whatever you tell me, Lord, but when someone gets upset, it's so hard.

Don't you quit.

Sweat beaded in my eyebrows, trickled down my neck, my back, in the creases of my elbows.

I don't mean to hurt others and yet I do. It's only a matter of time before it occurs again. I'm not sure my heart can take it.

Don't you dare quit.

And then I realized He wasn't talking about running.

Don't you quit until I tell you to.

What is God asking you to do? Is He telling you not to quit? Is He pushing you into greater reliance and trust on Him?

Don't you quit.

2 comments:

maudie-mae said...

I hope you remember that you are not responsible for others' reactions, only your own. Keep it up!

Marsha Young said...

Tami - Yep - those "hiding instincts" are always ready to kick in.

But thankfully, you talked to Him, and He told you to "not quit" trying to reach out.

Have a peaceful day.