My husband blames it on the fact that I'm slightly older than he is. For the first year of our marriage I thought myself more sensible and mature than him. To be honest, I probably struggled with it the first TEN years of our marriage. I knew his easy-going, trusting, everything's-going-to-be-okay personality. He's the idealist. I'm the realist. He's the music major. I'm the math major. He's creative, right-brained. I'm a left-brained planner. He says, "Imagine this" to which I reply, "But how are you going to do that?" I figured I thought things through more, paid closer attention, possessed greater street smarts (talk about laughable!). He was young and naive. I learned the "proper" way to do everything.
But my artsy, dreaming husband is also very smart. He called me on my attitude. "You think you know better than me," he said repeatedly. And I couldn't disagree! I questioned his ideas and second-guessed his job decisions. I even suggested which route we took while he was driving. I found myself becoming a nag and didn't like it. I prayed God would make him more of a take charge kind of husband so I wouldn't have to worry about making sure he did things right.
But in His good form, God turned the tables on me. He told me it was MY problem. I didn't trust my husband.
My Kevin was trying to be responsible, but I hampered him by doubting his every move. My questions translated into mistrust which suggested disrespect. I had to learn maybe he DID know something and let him run with it. I had to let go of control and LET him be the man he wanted to be.
"You think you know better than me."
It sounded like something one would say to their little sister. I didn't want to be an annoying little sister. I wanted to be the treasured, cherished wife. Something needed to change. And it was me.
I won't say it's been quick or easy, but it's happening. I'm learning to let go. I'm finding he is quite capable of handling a lot of things. I'm learning there's freedom in letting him take care of stuff without being involved.
I'm learning to trust my husband.
And now I'm a woman who feels taken care of, who's husband's got a track record of good decisions. I am the one who breathes a sigh of relief when he says he'll handle it. He's proven he is trustworthy. Relinquishing my control was totally worth the security I've gained in my marriage.
Do you think you know better than your husband? Is your distrust hindering his ability to take care of you? What might you gain by giving up control?
Give it shot. Trust your husband.
For more stories of trust in marriage, visit our host e-Mom at Chrysalis.