Monday, March 07, 2011

Learning to Trust My Husband

My husband blames it on the fact that I'm slightly older than he is. For the first year of our marriage I thought myself more sensible and mature than him. To be honest, I probably struggled with it the first TEN years of our marriage. I knew his easy-going, trusting, everything's-going-to-be-okay personality. He's the idealist. I'm the realist. He's the music major. I'm the math major. He's creative, right-brained. I'm a left-brained planner. He says, "Imagine this" to which I reply, "But how are you going to do that?" I figured I thought things through more, paid closer attention, possessed greater street smarts (talk about laughable!). He was young and naive. I learned the "proper" way to do everything.

But my artsy, dreaming husband is also very smart. He called me on my attitude. "You think you know better than me," he said repeatedly. And I couldn't disagree! I questioned his ideas and second-guessed his job decisions. I even suggested which route we took while he was driving. I found myself becoming a nag and didn't like it. I prayed God would make him more of a take charge kind of husband so I wouldn't have to worry about making sure he did things right.

But in His good form, God turned the tables on me. He told me it was MY problem. I didn't trust my husband.

My Kevin was trying to be responsible, but I hampered him by doubting his every move. My questions translated into mistrust which suggested disrespect. I had to learn maybe he DID know something and let him run with it. I had to let go of control and LET him be the man he wanted to be.

"You think you know better than me."

It sounded like something one would say to their little sister. I didn't want to be an annoying little sister. I wanted to be the treasured, cherished wife. Something needed to change. And it was me.

I won't say it's been quick or easy, but it's happening. I'm learning to let go. I'm finding he is quite capable of handling a lot of things. I'm learning there's freedom in letting him take care of stuff without being involved.

I'm learning to trust my husband.

And now I'm a woman who feels taken care of, who's husband's got a track record of good decisions. I am the one who breathes a sigh of relief when he says he'll handle it. He's proven he is trustworthy. Relinquishing my control was totally worth the security I've gained in my marriage.

Do you think you know better than your husband? Is your distrust hindering his ability to take care of you? What might you gain by giving up control?

Give it shot. Trust your husband.

For more stories of trust in marriage, visit our host e-Mom at Chrysalis.


Marsha Young said...

Most of us wives have been "called on our attitude" at one time or another.

I try to remember that the role of "helpmeet" (old-fashioned, I know) includes "help-me" in the concept. :)

Trust is indeed a wonderful bridge for communication.
Have a wonderful day - Marsha

Miriam Pauline said...

Wonderful post! Here we have two left-brained, opinionated math majors. Leads to entirely different conflicts--and makes trust and submission a gift from God. Love your honesty.

Lynn said...

Oh Tami,

What a beautiful reflection of growing in love and allow the Lord to work in your heart. I LOVE reading every word. Oh that every young wife could tune in and read this. Awesome. Have a wonderful week. Lynn

e-Mom said...

Boy can I ever relate. Why is it that God puts us together with our opposite? (Could it be that opposites attract for a reason?) If we were exactly the same as our spouse, how dull would that be?

I read an article by Barbara Rainey (I think) at FamilyLife Today. She talked about "The Superior Wife Syndrome" in a similar fashion to your post. How many of us are out there? Must be millions.

I too have learned how to trust in my husband's leadership, even though he approaches things in a vastly different way. (He's the entrepreneur, I'm the academic.) We've learned so from each other over the years, that now he's a political hound and I'm the entreprenuer.

God certainly knew what he was doing when he put ALL of us together.

A wonderful post, and thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday.

((Hugs)) e-Mom ღ

Jona said...

it's certainly hard to have two drivers inside a car :D i'm glad you're following where God's leading you. very inspiring post :D
my Marriage Monday
A Time To Weep and A Time To Laugh

Mac an Rothaich said...

I am the artsy one and he is the math head. We had a similar situation early in marriage but he didn't trust me. He really struggled when ever I would take the kids out of the house. It is amazing how different personality styles can make trust harder. It is so doable and worth it as you said though! Oh, and I have my trust short comings toward my man too, and he has proven he loves to take care of me. Great thoughts!

tonya said...

I love your honesty. I too, am a realist. Right now I am in philosophy and I have realized that I am very pragmatic, too. Make sure something works before trusting it. That is me. :) It is amazing how God can shine through each person and how they deal with life.
Thanks for sharing.