Monday, September 12, 2011

Letting Him Know

We stood on the balcony overlooking the ocean, waves gently swaying, the moonlight glistening off the water, his arms wrapped firmly around me, his breath warm on my neck and he whispered.

I want to make all your dreams come true.

He knew there were certain things I wished to happen on our 25th anniversary cruise. I told him I always wanted to parasail. He heard me talk about wanting to get some sun. He listened as I told friends how I wanted to sleep long and lay around and explore Jamaica and have romantic encounters on the balcony. Because I uttered aloud what I wanted, he knew what I was thinking, and he knew exactly how to give his wife an amazing trip.

He knew what it took to make my dreams come true. And boy did he ever!

I haven't always been so forthcoming about what I want. It seems self-centered and presumptuous to think he should spend his time making my dreams come true, doesn't it? Instead, I hid my desires, hoping for things that never came. I'd get resentful and wonder if he knew me at all, if he cared enough to figure out what I was thinking. There were too many hurt feelings and tears into pillows.

But as I've opened up and as he's learned to pull out the longings in my heart, I've made a surprising realization.

Men feel like men when they make their women happy.

If I don't communicate my inner thoughts and desires, expecting him to read my mind, he's going to miss the target. And feel defeated. Definitely not manly.

It means I have to risk his reaction and take the chance he may find it ridiculous, but it's worth it when he stands taller as I gush about how wonderful he is. It's win-win. He feels manly. I am contented and satisfied. Who knew it could build a man's ego to have a purring wife? When I tell him my wishes (which is not always easy to do), I give him enough knowledge to be Superman every time.

Have you found this to be true in your marriage? Does he enjoy making you happy? How much are you willing to open up to let him make your dreams come true?

See what other people think about the art of communication in marriage by joining e-Mom at Chrysalis for more Marriage Monday posts.


Joyfull said...

What a great post and other aspect to communication. Men really do want to make their wives happy. Thanks for sharing your real life experience and encouraging others toward better communication! Blessings to you.

Mac an Rothaich said...

YES! I hope this came through in my post too as it was something I learned about my man in the last few years and it is so beautiful! He feels more like a man when he is blessing me!! Oh I am feeling so mushy toward my man as I read through everyones thoughts this marriage monday!

e-Mom said...

Yippee, you've got it!!! Wonderful Tami. You've stumbled onto the gold.

Keep sharing your truths--with your DH, and with other women friends. So many others need to know what you now know. YAY!!!

Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday, as always.

(((Hugs))) e-Mom

Faith said...

This is sooo true! thanks for sharing a personal testimony of communication in your own marriage! It makes me want to go and grab my hubby and tell him more of my dreams! :) lol.....seriously, I am just learning to share with my own husband some of my dreams that are more long-term/long range and I'm finding that it makes him feel GOOD!

Shelley said...

Your posts ALWAYS make me smile - you are a gem. AND you guys look amazing in your recent pic - purple is you!! But you knew that.

Constance said...

This is so true! I think somehow as girls we are raised with this romantic fantasy that is exactly that, a FANTASY! What man could measure up to the images we see in movies or read about in books?

Long ago, once I recognized my husband's love language, I became grateful and less critical. He consistently shows me his love and commitment. I found myself asking,
"Would I rather have a bouquet of flowers that will be dead in a week or love/commitment in action?" That was a no-brainer!

If I need something (a hug, a cuddle, words of affirmation) I flat out tell him!! I guess my opinion is that it's the end result that matters, not how I got there!

Cheri Gregory said...

Tami --

Your opening lines sound like they come straight out of an amazing romance novel or romantic movie! How gratifying to know they come from real life...that "storybook" marriages aren't just for storybooks.

Your line "Men feel like men when they make their women happy" took me soooo many years to understand. I withheld happiness until Daniel did what I wanted the way I wanted. Needless to say, we were both miserable.

Paula Friedrichsen has a great book titled The Man You Always Wanted is the One You Already Have. Reading it was a huge eye-opener for me to quit holding out for Daniel to become some storybook husband and to start fully living the real-life story of our daily lives together with acceptance and gratitude.

The other night, I off-handedly commented to Daniel, as we were reflecting back on 23 years of marriage, "I am supremely happy right now." He responded (as only a Melancholy can!) "Hearing that makes me pleased...quite pleased." (On a scale of 1-10, that's about a 9 for him!) I realized that I need to say it out loud more often so that he knows he has a happy wife. I'd hate for him to spend any more time wondering or feeling inadequate.