I have a big problem.
I'm too concerned about what people think.
I hate it when someone doesn't like me. I can't stand it when someone doesn't approve. A sour look can drive me crazy wondering what I've done wrong to cause it.
I know I'm not supposed to win the approval of men, but of God. (Galatians 1:10) I know I'm supposed to work for the Lord and not for men. (Colossians 3:23) I know this in my head, but when I sense disapproval it hurts.
It is especially painful for me among my spiritual family. Even Christians don't always see things the same. I know it's okay. We can't all be the same and reach a hurting world. Our unique experiences and personalities help us relate to a variety of people. I can get that in my head, but find it so discouraging in reality. There are/will be fellow Christians who don't approve of me. OUCH! I can hardly take that. I know it is easy to misunderstand and fail one another. I've done it many times and despite my best efforts, I'll do it again. If I didn't have the Holy Spirit nudging me along, I could easily become immobilized. It's hard to meet all the expectations of fellow Christians. I wonder, if they can love the same Lord as I, can't they see my heart? As a matter of fact, no, they can't. We are all clouded by our own impressions.
I shoot myself in the foot when I give the opinions of others this much weight. It's a heavy load to carry, trying to do everything right for all. Impossible too. BIG problem.
"I long to worship Jesus with the heart of a child, in a state of pure and true adoration. Yet so many things of the world cloud my thoughts and pull on my heart until it's no longer just a girl in the arms of the Father."
~ Darlene Schacht ~
I want to be a little girl again, unaware of any expectations. I want to sense God's pleasure apart from the human faces before me. I want to hop in His lap, feel His acceptance and forget the world.
"Do what you are called to do. Use the gifts God has given you. Don't worry about the expectations of others," said my friend. I need to follow her wisdom with greater determination.
Lord, forgive my wandering eyes that want to please the people around me. Help me focus on You and only You. May my efforts bring glory to you regardless of their human merit. Soli Deo Gloria.