The Wrong Measure

I'm taking this week off to celebrate with my husband. I hope you enjoy this from the archives, originally posted February 6, 2007.


I have a big problem.

I'm too concerned about what people think.

I hate it when someone doesn't like me. I can't stand it when someone doesn't approve. A sour look can drive me crazy wondering what I've done wrong to cause it.

I know I'm not supposed to win the approval of men, but of God. (Galatians 1:10) I know I'm supposed to work for the Lord and not for men. (Colossians 3:23) I know this in my head, but when I sense disapproval it hurts.

It is especially painful for me among my spiritual family. Even Christians don't always see things the same. I know it's okay. We can't all be the same and reach a hurting world. Our unique experiences and personalities help us relate to a variety of people. I can get that in my head, but find it so discouraging in reality. There are/will be fellow Christians who don't approve of me. OUCH! I can hardly take that. I know it is easy to misunderstand and fail one another. I've done it many times and despite my best efforts, I'll do it again. If I didn't have the Holy Spirit nudging me along, I could easily become immobilized. It's hard to meet all the expectations of fellow Christians. I wonder, if they can love the same Lord as I, can't they see my heart? As a matter of fact, no, they can't. We are all clouded by our own impressions.

I shoot myself in the foot when I give the opinions of others this much weight. It's a heavy load to carry, trying to do everything right for all. Impossible too. BIG problem.

"I long to worship Jesus with the heart of a child, in a state of pure and true adoration. Yet so many things of the world cloud my thoughts and pull on my heart until it's no longer just a girl in the arms of the Father."
~ Darlene Schacht ~

I want to be a little girl again, unaware of any expectations. I want to sense God's pleasure apart from the human faces before me. I want to hop in His lap, feel His acceptance and forget the world.

"Do what you are called to do. Use the gifts God has given you. Don't worry about the expectations of others," said my friend. I need to follow her wisdom with greater determination.

Lord, forgive my wandering eyes that want to please the people around me. Help me focus on You and only You. May my efforts bring glory to you regardless of their human merit. Soli Deo Gloria.

Revealing Satan's Best Trick

More play days necessitate more reruns. This post originally appeared October 21, 2008.



Woman A notices Woman B's workout routine is starting to pay off, catches sight of her own hips in the window and grimaces. Woman B wishes she had hair like Woman C, who wonders how Woman A got her teeth so white.

Woman X offers Woman Y a breath mint. Woman Y immediately starts analyzing whether she needs it or not while Woman X hopes being polite does not expose her own halitosis.

Woman D becomes paranoid as Woman E keeps staring at her waist, certain she notices her PMS bloating. Woman E envies Woman D's belt.

Woman R sighs as she steps away from the sink, thinking her hair looks bad. Woman S frowns at her reflection, silently bemoaning the new wrinkles she sees. Woman T enters the bathroom, smiles at them both, secretly wishing she was as together as they are.

Woman L is self-conscious of the zit on her chin as she talks with Woman M who is embarrassed her earrings don't match her shirt.

Woman F wishes she were as thin as Woman G. Woman G longs for a chest like Woman H. Woman H wants to be as young as Woman I. Woman I yearns for pretty eyes like Woman F.

Eyes roam. Comparisons abound. Satan laughs.

What is a woman to do?



Photo Credit: I wish i was the Royal Trux

What do you reveal about yourself in the way you handle criticism?

It was obvious she wasn't there for help. She wouldn't take our suggestions. She got defensive and even a little irritated. Why would a person come to a writing group if they weren't willing to consider how readers interpret the work?

But then I wondered, what do I reveal about myself in the way I take criticism?

When I dismiss it, am I arrogant?
When it crushes me, am I weak?
When I'm ready to take it on, am I belligerent?
When I let it define me, am I a people pleaser?

How can we use criticism in a God-honoring way?

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.

Proverbs 19:20

Amen. Lord, protect our hearts and give us the courage.

Satan's Best Trick

Woman A notices Woman B's workout routine is starting to pay off, catches sight of her own hips in the window and grimaces. Woman B wishes she had hair like Woman C, who wonders how Woman A got her teeth so white.

Woman X offers Woman Y a breath mint. Woman Y immediately starts analyzing whether she needs it or not while Woman X hopes being polite does not expose her own halitosis.

Woman D becomes paranoid as Woman E keeps staring at her waist, certain she notices her PMS bloating. Woman E envies Woman D's belt.

Woman R sighs as she steps away from the sink, thinking her hair looks bad. Woman S frowns at her reflection, silently bemoaning the new wrinkles she sees. Woman T enters the bathroom, smiles at them both, secretly wishing she was as together as they are.

Woman L is self-conscious of the zit on her chin as she talks with Woman M who is embarrassed her earrings don't match her shirt.

Woman F wishes she were as thin as Woman G. Woman G longs for a chest like Woman H. Woman H wants to be as young as Woman I. Woman I yearns for pretty eyes like Woman F.

Eyes roam. Comparisons abound. Satan laughs.

What is a woman to do?



Photo Credit: I wish i was the Royal Trux

No Other Option

"To be intimate with others is to reveal our innermost selves to them, including our emotions, thoughts and desires. For such deep sharing of the soul and spirit to occur, people must respect and trust each other. ... In a world controlled by sin, however, to choose to be intimate is to choose to be hurt. Yet Jesus calls us to this kind of intimacy with Him and with one another."
~ Kenneth A. Schmidt ~

We celebrated every birthday together. We knew every minor detail of each other's families. We walked, prayed, laughed, and cried together. We didn't always see eye to eye on every issue, but we knew we had each other's backs.

Yet slowly things began to change. I can't put my finger on what happened exactly. Did I say too much? Did I do too little? Did I give off a bad vibe? How did I fail this friendship? It's easy to dismiss it as part of life. Relationships change, I know, but the knowledge does nothing to ease the pain that lingers in my heart.

I think I have a little Horton in me. "I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one hundred percent." When I give my heart away to someone, I consider them a friend for life. I may not give them the time they deserve, I may get annoyed or disappointed, but my heart does not waver. When I love someone, I will always love them. So when a friendship goes awry, it hurts. A lot. For a long time.

I look at the relationships I enjoy now and wonder how many will exist in five years. Will they get tired of me? Will they grow weary of my thinking? Will they think me too full of myself? Will I do something stupid to offend them? How long will it take for them to realize my human weakness? When will they see me for the sinner I am?

I have a friend who says she appreciates my transparency. I understand it is meant as a compliment, but opening myself up that way comes at a cost. For every person who truly sees me, how many others dislike what they see? Letting people in opens me up for hurt. Big time hurt. Do I want to risk that?

It makes me want to hide myself and say very little. Even as I write this, I am tempted to delete it all and not reveal so much of what goes through my mind, yet God tells me, "Be who I created you to be." This is who I am, a woman who over analyzes and sincerely wants to love and be loved. I am compelled, truly compelled, to talk about my struggles and victories in hopes that it may point others to my perfect, loving God. If people are aware of His presence and blessing in an ordinary woman, will they be attracted to Him? If I don't let people see where I've come from, how can they see God's transforming work?

Yet some won't understand. Some will miss His hand completely and see only the failures. Some will be disappointed. Some will expect more. Sigh.

I was discussing this with a wise man last week, explaining how past hurts made it hard for me to want to put myself out there. This man, who has seen his share of hurt at the hands of people he loved and trusted, said to me without a bit of hesitation, "But we have to. It's what we do."

I know he's right. Jesus is all about relationships and I must be too. Living with people can be exciting and fulfilling, but it can also be tricky and confusing and down right painful.

But we have to. It's what we do.

I have to risk it because I love God and trust He knows what's best for me. He tells me, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." So I will. I will love deeply and experience joy in my relationships. And sometimes I will hurt deeply and experience the comfort only He can give.

We have to. It's what we do.

Lord, give me courage. Give me perseverance. Give me grace. May I reflect You more than myself.

Join Bonnie at Ink It Blog for more In "Other" Words.

Answering the Call and Accepting the Charges

When I glanced down at the paper and noticed my "occupation" listed as HOMEMAKER, I was glad there was no mirror in the elevator so I didn't have to look at my screwed up face. I love my family, but I'm tired of being identified that way. I know it's not right, but I imagine the people typing in the information or the people reading the form are thinking HOMEMAKER is code for "loser without a job".

Maybe it got to me because I spent the day before feeling frustrated that I wasn't seen as important. When you're a HOMEMAKER, people don't ask you about your "job". They don't find it or you interesting and I find conversations are nearly always centered on someone else. Maybe I'm tired of living in the shadow of others or having everyone else's needs be more important than mine. (Boy, my self-centeredness is making its way front and center--ouch!) Maybe I'm tired of waiting for it to be my turn to shine (or worried it never will be). Or maybe I'm just feeling old (getting a mammogram and glasses in the same week will do that to ya). Most likely I am just plain tired and could use a nap for a good attitude adjustment.

I know the title HOMEMAKER doesn't begin to explain who I am and what I do, just as any title doesn't come close to describing the work of its holder. So I have to ask myself, what is my real problem?

I sat down and talked with God about it and He brought up this:

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

I must have an ego problem. I want to be impressive. I want to be recognized. I want the praise of others.

But I want to be used by God more.

There is no room for arrogance and self-centeredness in His work. He knew I'd have a problem with it I guess, and so He gave me this HOMEMAKER gig. And I do like my life, very much. I just need to quit looking around and put my nose to the grindstone in what He's asked of me.

As for those who seemed to be important--whatever they were makes no difference to me; God does not judge by external appearance. . .
Galatians 2:6

I don't have a fancy title or impressive credentials, Lord, but I have You. I am secure in You. Forgive me for playing the comparison game. I don't have to prove myself. I am who I am, Your servant, Your child, Your chosen instrument for the jobs You give me.

By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. . .
1 Corinthians 15:10

Who Am I Fearing?

Worrying about what other people think can immobilize me. Susie's words about fearing God instead of man really resonated with me. I give it this week's Note of Distinction. Click on one of the links to see for yourself.