Monday, February 13, 2012

For the Sake of the Union

It's hard to talk about, so I avoid it.

But it keeps nagging at me, making me snap at him for no reason, which really isn't fair. How can he address it, if he doesn't know about it?

But I don't want to be the naggy wife, the one to bring up problems. He never has anything for me to work on. Does it mean I'm demanding, selfish, expect too much? Am I making too much of nothing?

But it doesn't go away.

I give myself all kinds of reasons why I shouldn't mention it. It's my problem, not his. Maybe I'm not loving unconditionally. We've talked about it before and didn't get anywhere. It makes us both defensive. There's no way to resolve it really, so what's the point?

But I keep picking at him. I feel like I'm keeping secrets. A little wedge forms between us and I value my marriage too much to let it grow. I've got to bring it up.

And though he doesn't have anything new to say, he listens. I get it off my chest. There's no resolution, but there's honest communication. And when I see him making new efforts in the coming days, I know I've been heard.

It was worth the risk.

I see that even if he can't solve the problem, he shows he loves me. My jabbing stops. The distance fades. We are one again.

Do you ever keep things from your spouse, fearing the confrontation, hurt feelings, a possible argument? Does it help to keep it in?

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

Proverbs 14:1

Are you tearing down your own house by not calmly talking about it? Can you take a risk for the sake of your marriage?

1 comment:

Denise J. Hughes said...

Wow. You are so right. Sometimes it's the "little things" I don't want to mention. I feel petty even admitting that something so minute is actually bothering me. It is, after all, my problem.

But then the distance grows. And we both begin to notice.

Prayerful courage. Bless you for demonstrating prayerful courage. It inspires others to do the same.