Monday, March 26, 2012

Romance: It's the Little Things

When the gentle breezes of summer evenings blow, I'm captured by their lilt and intoxicating aroma. I long for moonlit walks ending in passionate kisses and secluded outdoor rendezvous. Something about the evening breezes of summer put me in a romantic mood. But you know how often those summer breezes have translated into nights of passion? Few. Very, very few.

It's not like these moments never happen. In twenty-five years together we've collected a few special memories. Before having children, we once spent all night on the floor of our living room, the only light being the soft glow from our Christmas tree. It was so beautiful, it still makes me sigh. We've enjoyed slow dances, my nose nuzzling his neck, soaking in his glorious familiar scent, the music and the swaying and his tight hold making me nearly float. We've stood entwined on a balcony overlooking the ocean, the moon shimmering on the waves below. We've taken advantage of an empty house with music and candles and taking our sweet time. We made memories in the moonlight on our 25th anniversary.

But these moments aren't the norm. Hardly. If I long for them too much, I put unrealistic expectations on my husband and am left feeling disappointed. Is there a way to find romance in the every day? Is it possible for small fixes to hold us over for the spectacular moments that are few and far, far between?

I say yes. I say we just need to open our eyes to romance living in little things. It's him looking at you from across the living room and saying, "You wanna come sit by me?" It's getting cozy on the couch and hearing, "I like this." It's in heart-felt words like "I'm so proud of you" and "You are beautiful." It's the gentle way we stake our claim on the other in public, him slipping his arm around my waist, me running my hand up under his sleeve, actions no one else would have the right to do. It's sighs when we part for the day, the goodby kiss seeming inadequate. It's clearing the table and taking the kids to school when it's not your turn. It's honest words without fear. The beauty of romance is there if we open our eyes and risk uttering what's in our hearts.

I sat next to my husband in church yesterday and snuggled in under his arm. As I rested my hand on his leg, I noticed it's looking older, the veins more prominent, the skin looser, a few age spots appearing. But before I could lament over it, my husband, having no clue what I was thinking, not even looking at me or his lap, put his hand on top, tangling his fingers with mine. And it occurred to me that no matter how old my hand looks, his will always be grabbing it. He doesn't see the age or the wrinkles or the spots (or maybe doesn't care). He only wants my hand.

Even sitting in church can be romantic.

Perfect settings and candles and soft music and flowers are wonderful, but not necessary for romance. Having these kinds of expectations only sets us up for disappointment.

True romance requires a keen sense of appreciation for the little things.

How do you find romance in your every day?

Read more about romance at Chrysalis.


Denise said...

Amen, beautifully said my friend.

Lisa Maria said...


I loved this have such a beautiful style of writing. You express what I feel so eloquently. It IS in the little things and I especially love "He doesn't see the age or the wrinkles or the spots...he only wants my hand" Brilliant and just what I needed to hear today!

Thank you for sharing such an inspiring post!

Lisa Lewis Koster said...

You have a wonderful way with words! I too have fond memories of a night by the light of the Christmas tree. Thanks for the reminder!

Monica @ my red & purple life said...

I love this. My husband and I have been married for just about 2 years and we have a ten month old son. Sometimes life can get challenging, but I'm committed. I hope twenty five years from now I can write a post like this. The little things are so important, and the big things become wonderful memories to cherish. Thank you!


Constance said...

I agree with the touches that only we can lay claim to! Sitting in church together, pressed in close or holding each others hands while the other is raised in worship, all things that keep us connected, little things really...little things say so much though!
Thanks for sharing!

Mac an Rothaich said...

Totally relate!

e-Mom said...

Absolutely, yes. The little things are just as effective as the big things. Blessed is the man who knows this secret about pleasing his wife.

Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Tami.

Blessings, e-Mom @ Chrysalis ღ

Julie Arduini said...

We definitely share a lot of the same ideas on this. If we wait for those firework moments, we will end up disappointed much of the time. I'm like you, so many of our romantic moments are right in church with a simple touch. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a kind comment

Alicia The Snowflake said...

Beautifully said! I do agree that romance is in the little things. Sometimes we just need to open our eyes and pay attention to them. Thanks for the reminder!

Christine said...

I love your memory of the Christmas tree and spending the night on the living room floor. One of our favorite romantic things is sitting by the fire and tree during the holidays. Wonderful post! We had the same idea- romance is in the daily journey...