Monday, November 19, 2012

Gift Swap

I fell in love with my husband because he was the life of the party, yet could talk deeply for hours. Our first months of dating were characterized by stares from others as we spilled into restaurants, movie theaters, bowling alleys, you name it, bursting with laughter, and once the laughs subsided, staying up very late, very, very late, talking about life and God and our dreams. I liked that he was adventurous, wanting to experience things I wouldn't have dreamed of doing on my own. He was fun, yet deep, silly, yet grounded.

I knew from the beginning we approached the world differently. He was the social half of our pair, the guy who talked forever after church. I was the introvert, the one who did better in smaller, more intimate settings, who felt anxious waiting for him wondering who I should talk to.

He wanted to try new things. I was thankful I had his hand to hold while we did.

He was the big picture guy, the man who thought up grand ideas and described his vision with excitement. I was the practical one throwing water on his parade saying, "But how are you going to do that?"

He was the go-er, the do-er. I was the homebody.

He talked. I listened.

He forged paths. I forged relationships.

He led people. I read them.

But I've noticed, after 26 years "as one," our strengths and gifts are wearing off on each other. The lines between who he is and who I am are blurring. He asks questions that smack of me--"Did you think so-and-so seemed sad today?" I'm the one talking his ear off. At the end of a busy week he longs to retreat home. He's waiting on ME while I chat it up after church.

Much remains the same. There's still laughter and deep talks. He still has to push me to spend money and go on trips and I still need lots of quiet and thinking time, but I love it when I see bit of him in me or me in him. We've maintained our personalities, yet expanded them a bit, incorporating some of the other. We're rubbing off on each other. There's something charming about that, don't you think? We are individuals, yet a unit as well.

Truly we are one.

You know how they say couples who are together for a long time start to look like each other? I wonder if this is part of it. Does it start in their personalities and reactions merging? Does it come from deep within and work its way out? I'm all for it and find the transformation very beautiful.

So my dear Kevin, I'll keep honing my social side as you become more introspective. I'll welcome the changes our union makes in me. I look forward to becoming more alike, to looking more alike. But I refuse to grow a moustache, even though I could. I love you, babe. I'm honored to be associated with you. I'll be by your side forever, but a person's gotta draw a line.

Have you seen your spouse shape your personality? Have you swapped gifts?

Find more thoughts on gifting in marriage by clicking over to Chrysalis for more Marriage Monday posts.


dianne said...

This is precious and sweet. Thanks for sharing.

Rachelle said...

I love true of you both. I can see you on the beach now, that old couple...holding hands...;)

Love you!

Rachelle Dawson said...

There's no way to not be affected when you live closely with someone for many years. In the same way our parents shape how we think, act, and see the world, so do our spouses. It can be a great opportunity to learn from each other.

e-Mom said...

You guys are great TamiB! Loved this. I totally get the picture of you two.

We're turning into each other these days too. In fact, we often say exactly what the other is thinking. It's uncanny.

Anyhoo, I think you would look cute with a mustache... LOL!

Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today.

Hugs, e-Mom

Constance said...

I actually think that's how marriage should be,a constant process of growing. I know that a lot of Dave has rubbed off on me and that's a good thing because they're the qualities that attracted me to him in the first place! It's wonderful to be so completely comfortable and at ease with someone who knows us so well. We retain our uniqueness but incorporate the best of our spouse into making us a better person.
Thanks for sharing,

Miriam Pauline said...

I'm tempted to just post on my blog "what she said" (except I'd have to say 17 years and change his name). Otherwise, I see us in this post. And we are drawing more and more in line with each other as we each exercise our gifts. Thanks for sharing in such a poignant way.

Happy Thanksgiving my friend!

nice A said...

You have all the qualities for a long-lasting marriage. Wow, 26 years and still so sweet! I really love your post. Thanks for sharing.