Wrestling with God

People I love are going through major life stress, and though it's surely more painful for them, it affects me, leaving pits in my stomach, tears constantly on the surface, each hurt burrowing within. I really try to buck up, to be strong for them, to remind them (and myself) what is true about God, but I wonder what in the world He's thinking. It's like I'm watching them wrestle with God and there's nothing I can do. I pray, of course, and often, and yet God either tarries or says no. I don't get it and I beg for relief, but none comes. I watch them struggle and because of it, I hurt too, wearing out in my attempts to keep a stiff upper lip.

To be completely honest, it chips away at my faith and it's not even my trial.

Perhaps I'm doing my own wrestling.

I ask why and why not and why now. I wonder how long it's gonna take. I feel disappointed and overlooked and frustrated at how things turn out. I keep telling myself to trust, to hold on, that it's good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. I remember His way is perfect and He is faithful and good and loving, yet I feel irked and down right angry when nothing changes or things get worse.

I hear people say of their answered prayers, "It's a God thing" and I want to scream. Where is the God thing for the people I love? Why hasn't He intervened? Where is His hand? Why does it have to be so hard? Why won't He step in and take care of it the way He could?

Yet I know I have no other choice but to follow Him, to wait for His plan. A life without God . . . who could stand without Him? So I cry and I pray and I plead and I recite verse after verse after verse to recall what is true, to remember His faithfulness. I sing when I don't feel like singing and crack open my Bible every day and write pages and pages in my journal. Like Jacob, I stay in, I keep fighting, I don't let go or give up until God blesses.

. . . Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

Genesis 32:26

Some trials require a lengthy hanging on, a tenacious grip, and so as long as it's necessary I'll keep expecting and hoping and praying. I'll keep believing He is good and gracious. I'll cry along with those who are sad. I'll feel their hurt and beg for God's intervention and know that He is God.

I'm in this until God blesses.

Are you facing something that saps your strength, friend? Are you doubting God, wondering if He hears you? Hang on.

Don't let go until He blesses you.



Photo Credit: jqgill

Honoring the Blessing

We saw Les Misérables over the weekend. Powerful movie. I cried and cried afterward, struck by the sacrifices and determination of others to bless my life, especially my mother. My time on earth has been relatively easy. I've not suffered poverty or sexual abuse or physical disability. I have never wondered when I'd eat again, never felt terribly unsafe, never had to hide from someone's anger. I've not been beaten or in bondage of any kind, never had to deal with an addiction. I've not feared for my life. I've not had health issues. I've always felt loved and cared for.

Why? Why have I had it so easy while others must struggle? Many times in the last few weeks I've pondered what that means, what it requires of me. I have been greatly blessed, in so many ways, through relationships and opportunities, through an easy American life, with freedom and access to resources. What responsibility is mine because of the blessing in my life? How can I honor the sacrifices of others, the privileged life I've been given?

How do I honor the blessing?

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
Luke 12:48

These words have reverberated in my mind continually. Much will be demanded from me, but what exactly? I scour my Bible and find one answer.

Love deeply.

Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply from the heart.
1 Peter 1:22

My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.

My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!
1 John 4:7-12 (MSG)

It's a pay-it-forward mentality. I can never repay my mother for all she's done to make my life blessed, but I can give the same sacrifices for my children, for people in my life. God says, "If you love me you will obey me. Obey me by loving others." I honor the blessing by loving others well, by offering my time, my resources, my heart. And as a result, my life is even more blessed.

God IS love, a love that doesn't make sense, that goes beyond human reason, that sacrifices just because. It's beautiful and other-worldly and noble and honorable. And real. And lasting.

May God open our eyes to the opportunities to love. May He give us courage and perseverance and faithfulness.

May He help us honor His blessing.



Photo Credit: jdv+