Sunday, May 19, 2013

Wrestling with God

People I love are going through major life stress, and though it's surely more painful for them, it affects me, leaving pits in my stomach, tears constantly on the surface, each hurt burrowing within. I really try to buck up, to be strong for them, to remind them (and myself) what is true about God, but I wonder what in the world He's thinking. It's like I'm watching them wrestle with God and there's nothing I can do. I pray, of course, and often, and yet God either tarries or says no. I don't get it and I beg for relief, but none comes. I watch them struggle and because of it, I hurt too, wearing out in my attempts to keep a stiff upper lip.

To be completely honest, it chips away at my faith and it's not even my trial.

Perhaps I'm doing my own wrestling.

I ask why and why not and why now. I wonder how long it's gonna take. I feel disappointed and overlooked and frustrated at how things turn out. I keep telling myself to trust, to hold on, that it's good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. I remember His way is perfect and He is faithful and good and loving, yet I feel irked and down right angry when nothing changes or things get worse.

I hear people say of their answered prayers, "It's a God thing" and I want to scream. Where is the God thing for the people I love? Why hasn't He intervened? Where is His hand? Why does it have to be so hard? Why won't He step in and take care of it the way He could?

Yet I know I have no other choice but to follow Him, to wait for His plan. A life without God . . . who could stand without Him? So I cry and I pray and I plead and I recite verse after verse after verse to recall what is true, to remember His faithfulness. I sing when I don't feel like singing and crack open my Bible every day and write pages and pages in my journal. Like Jacob, I stay in, I keep fighting, I don't let go or give up until God blesses.

. . . Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

Genesis 32:26

Some trials require a lengthy hanging on, a tenacious grip, and so as long as it's necessary I'll keep expecting and hoping and praying. I'll keep believing He is good and gracious. I'll cry along with those who are sad. I'll feel their hurt and beg for God's intervention and know that He is God.

I'm in this until God blesses.

Are you facing something that saps your strength, friend? Are you doubting God, wondering if He hears you? Hang on.

Don't let go until He blesses you.

Photo Credit: jqgill

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