Never Over

Picking my daughter up from school, I pulled into the parking lot, never suspecting to be moved, approaching it like any other task of the day. Many parents had their windows down, soaking in the last bits of warmth of the season. The radio in the car next to me gently sang, lulling me in my own seat, releasing me from any hurry to leave.

"Dad," the boy in the front seat of the neighboring car said suddenly, "How was court today?"

The radio filled the empty space.

"Dad, how was court?"

His father mumbled something then said, "It was okay."

"So are you and Mom finally divorced?"

Another pause and some mumbling.

"It's all over, bud," his dad said.

It didn't seem to bother the boy (yet he was the one to bring it up), but my heart broke. I don't know them at all, don't even know their names, but I ached for them. The weariness in the dad's voice, the boy's word choice, finally divorced, told me it hadn't been an easy road. Even as I sit here days later, the tears well in my eyes at the sadness of it all, the lives forever changed.

"It's all over, bud."

But it's not. It will continue in a different way. The conflicts and hurt feelings will still be there. They'll all have to work at getting along. They'll figure it out and adjust and it will be okay, but today I grieve with them. I weep for their loss and their pain and pray God brings healing. I pray He makes good of it.

Satan laughs, delighted at another family's demise. His attack has been strong and swift and destructive. He won that battle.

"It's all over, bud."

It's never over, just different. And before this family adjusts, Satan will pounce on another one.

How can we make sure it's not ours?



Photo Credit: quapan

Is Divorce Ever Right?

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It's complicated.

That's how she listed her marital status.

It's complicated.

There was never a better phrase to describe divorce.

E-mom has asked us to go out on a huge limb to answer this month's Marriage Monday question, "Is Divorce Ever Right?"

I'm swallowing pretty hard right now. This is a sensitive subject which has affected many people and families, including my own. I, IN NO WAY, want to cause grief to anyone who has suffered through the trauma of divorce. No one who has done so has entered into it lightly.

It's complicated.

God knows how tough relationships can be. He knew we'd need some help, so in His mercy He gave us some guidelines to follow. As I see it, and keep in mind I am no theologian, only an ordinary woman who seeks God in His word, scripture gives us three situations where God allows divorce without judgment from Him.

1. An unbelieving spouse wants to leave.

But, if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
1 Corinthians 7:15

2. Marital unfaithfulness.

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Matthew 19:8-9

3. You resolve not to remarry or be united with another.

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11

Sin occurs when we are joined with someone else, which God considers adultery, as stated in the Matthew 19 passage, not in the separation of divorce. If you plan to stay single, divorce is not sinful, but this can be a hard resolution to stick to.


And that's it. As unfair as it may seem, these are the only provisions I see in scripture. I understand this doesn't address many, many situations that come up in marriage including abuse, neglect, complacency, disrespect, addictions, negativity and controlling behavior. We live in a fallen world and in a fallen world, we humans mess things up. Satan gets his grimy mitts in there and stirs the pot of our lives, making things more difficult, clouding our perspective and judgment. He causes people to be cruel and insensitive to each other, intolerant, impatient and unloving.

Satan makes it complicated.

Which is why we desperately need direction from God to clear the muddy waters. If you are considering divorce, will you first look to see if your situation fits into these scriptural mandates? If not, will you ask God to show you what your next step is before you take drastic measures?

And if you have been party to divorce, can I tell you God's not mad at you? You don't have to feel guilty or bristle every time the subject comes up. No human being is in any position to condemn you and God doesn't either. He hurts for you. He wants to heal you. He will draw near to you if you will draw near to Him. Tell Him about it. Be restored.

Divorce.

It's complicated.

Indeed.

But God is a God of reconciliation and peace, not disorder. In Him alone will we find hope and restoration.


For more Marriage Monday posts, visit e-Mom at Chrysalis.