How He Helped Me Say Yes

I knew He was telling me it was time to go to Africa for Jesus.

I knew when I read her words--"I would love, love, love for you to go with me for two weeks to Uganda next late May/early June."

But it FREAKED ME OUT!

Africa?! I never wanted to go to Africa, not even to visit. It's too far away, too outside the realm of my experience, too uncomfortable. Africa?! How could I help people in another culture and land I know nothing about? It didn't make any sense. Nothing prepared me for this. And how in the world could I come up with the $4000 I needed to go?!

While I squirmed and tried to find ways around it, God surrounded me with people who saw it clearly. My exercise buddies talked about how exciting it was and all I could say was, "I never said I was going!" but they knew. They knew what God was asking and they knew I'd eventually come to grips with it. A text from a friend concurred--"Just saying you're going and you know it and so do I!!" When I worried about how to come up with the money, my husband said without blinking, "That's not a big deal. God will provide it."

No one gave me an out. No one. I struggled to accept God's plan. I couldn't get away from the nagging thoughts. Fear sat in my gut. My heart pounded.

I hashed it out with God while cooking dinner one night, the vent fan humming, providing the appropriate backdrop to the fog in my head. Really, God? Are You really asking me to do this? I don't know if I can.

I stirred and took deep breaths and kept putting it out there.

This doesn't make any sense. Why me? Why now? What can I possibly contribute? What do I know about this?

My stomach churned and the meat sizzled and tears rested just on the surface.

I really have to do this?

And out of no where, the most comforting thought entered my brain.

I want this for you, Tami. This is my gift.

My mind flooded with images of breathtaking scenery and phrases from emails sent from the women urging me to join them in Uganda . . . I will take you on a safari, and a coffee safari, and show you the source of the Nile. There is something almost spiritual that happens when you see the Nile for the first time and think of its history! . . . I crave the discomfort because I get to see God show up in such BIG ways! . . . I promise you, a mission trip of this kind, will grow your faith exponentially. The privilege I was being given suddenly came into focus.

It IS a gift, one I can't refuse.

The next day I wrote an email telling my friend Kelly I was in, but I couldn't send it. I was still scared. If I did I was committed. I let it sit and took my daughters out to lunch.

We talked about this crazy Uganda idea at lunch and I told them about the email I couldn't send. Immediately Drama Queen said, "Mom, do we need to follow you up to your office and hit send for you?!" Princess Dawdle agreed. Even my kids knew. We came home from lunch, Drama Queen rustled up her dad and the four of us went up to my office. They gathered around me and watched me hit send.

I am in. Committed. Going to Africa for Jesus.

I still get scared sometimes. Lately God's been overwhelming me so much I'm afraid my heart can't take any more goodness. But when it feels scary and hard I remember His clear, comforting words.

I want this for you, Tami. This is my gift.

And somehow that soothes me. It makes me understand this is not a punishment, not a trial, not a test. This is a gift.

I accept, Lord. Thank You.



Photo Credit: floato

To Leave No Question of His Gift

As I watched her sing, it was hard not to be jealous. The notes seemed to fall without effort, each one perfectly placed in a pleasing ebb and flow, beckoning me to listen, soothing my spirit. Her passion proved she believed what she sang and I marveled at the beauty emanating from her. "What a gift," I thought, blinking back tears. Wow.

I always thought I wanted to be the best at something, to be recognized as a stand out in any field, but in that moment, I realized what I've really desired is to be so good at something others would have to know it came from God. Imagine. What would it be like to possess such skill that people could not help but see Him?

The potential is in all of us. The Bible says all believers are given a gift by the Holy Spirit. Why don't we all shine like that? Too often those gifts aren't obvious or public and we dismiss them as insignificant or unimportant. Or because they come easy to us, we think they are no big deal. When we devalue them, do we neglect them? If we think our gift is minor, do we fail to exercise it?

Any master has spent years honing their strengths. No one achieves any level of proficiency without effort. My singing friend has been doing it her whole life. Did she always sound so heavenly? Probably not. It took years of practice. Likewise, our gifts need exercising. Any area of gifting needs to be worked out to reach the point where God is clearly seen. Can we expect to display His supernatural touch if we ignore or downplay our talent?

I have a friend who says her gift is service. And BOY does she exercise it. That woman is always going. She makes me tired just watching her. She finds joy in doing whatever she can to help others. There must be days she'd rather hole up in her house, but she doesn't. Whenever a need arises, she finds a way to meet it, without thought to her inconvenience, without complaining. She sees it as a challenge and takes it on with gusto. The light in her eyes, the smile that accompanies her in every task seems so unnatural, yet draws others in. It is beautiful and I recognize a divine touch on her. There is only one explanation for her joy and ceaseless energy. By using her gift in even the slightest way she points others to God. She would not think her gift anything extraordinary, yet her consistent use of it, her continual practice has shaped a beautiful picture of God.

If we consistently use our gifts, won't we clearly display beauty like that? Won't others notice? When we work at them, gaining greater proficiency every day, will we leave no question of His touch on us?

Are you with me? Do you want your work to count like that, to make that kind of statement? Don't neglect the gift God's placed in you, my friend, no matter how small you think it is. Use it. Work at it. Others will notice your consistency and be pointed to the only explanation. Leave no question.