How He Helped Me Say Yes

I knew He was telling me it was time to go to Africa for Jesus.

I knew when I read her words--"I would love, love, love for you to go with me for two weeks to Uganda next late May/early June."

But it FREAKED ME OUT!

Africa?! I never wanted to go to Africa, not even to visit. It's too far away, too outside the realm of my experience, too uncomfortable. Africa?! How could I help people in another culture and land I know nothing about? It didn't make any sense. Nothing prepared me for this. And how in the world could I come up with the $4000 I needed to go?!

While I squirmed and tried to find ways around it, God surrounded me with people who saw it clearly. My exercise buddies talked about how exciting it was and all I could say was, "I never said I was going!" but they knew. They knew what God was asking and they knew I'd eventually come to grips with it. A text from a friend concurred--"Just saying you're going and you know it and so do I!!" When I worried about how to come up with the money, my husband said without blinking, "That's not a big deal. God will provide it."

No one gave me an out. No one. I struggled to accept God's plan. I couldn't get away from the nagging thoughts. Fear sat in my gut. My heart pounded.

I hashed it out with God while cooking dinner one night, the vent fan humming, providing the appropriate backdrop to the fog in my head. Really, God? Are You really asking me to do this? I don't know if I can.

I stirred and took deep breaths and kept putting it out there.

This doesn't make any sense. Why me? Why now? What can I possibly contribute? What do I know about this?

My stomach churned and the meat sizzled and tears rested just on the surface.

I really have to do this?

And out of no where, the most comforting thought entered my brain.

I want this for you, Tami. This is my gift.

My mind flooded with images of breathtaking scenery and phrases from emails sent from the women urging me to join them in Uganda . . . I will take you on a safari, and a coffee safari, and show you the source of the Nile. There is something almost spiritual that happens when you see the Nile for the first time and think of its history! . . . I crave the discomfort because I get to see God show up in such BIG ways! . . . I promise you, a mission trip of this kind, will grow your faith exponentially. The privilege I was being given suddenly came into focus.

It IS a gift, one I can't refuse.

The next day I wrote an email telling my friend Kelly I was in, but I couldn't send it. I was still scared. If I did I was committed. I let it sit and took my daughters out to lunch.

We talked about this crazy Uganda idea at lunch and I told them about the email I couldn't send. Immediately Drama Queen said, "Mom, do we need to follow you up to your office and hit send for you?!" Princess Dawdle agreed. Even my kids knew. We came home from lunch, Drama Queen rustled up her dad and the four of us went up to my office. They gathered around me and watched me hit send.

I am in. Committed. Going to Africa for Jesus.

I still get scared sometimes. Lately God's been overwhelming me so much I'm afraid my heart can't take any more goodness. But when it feels scary and hard I remember His clear, comforting words.

I want this for you, Tami. This is my gift.

And somehow that soothes me. It makes me understand this is not a punishment, not a trial, not a test. This is a gift.

I accept, Lord. Thank You.



Photo Credit: floato

How God Tells a Middle-Aged Woman to Go To Uganda

It's a slow process, taking a few years.

First, He introduces her to books that annoy her, books that suggest she should be concerned about the world, not just her little part of it. He unsettles her with the idea that one person can have a global impact. She is not happy about it, but decides her heart could use some work, so she starts to pray for God to help her care.

Then He uses Facebook of all things, to bring back two women from her past, people she hasn't spoken to in years, who she never knew to be Christians. He unites them with the common thread of His Spirit and their communication is easy. They both read her blog and use it in different ways. One woman, Kelly, uses it as a basis for an impromptu speech half way around the world in Uganda. The other, Angie, asks to use it as an appeal for funding for her orphanage in Uganda.

It seems odd, this coincidence. Two women who don't know each other, both connecting on Facebook with her at the same time, both working in the same remote region, both reading her blog and taking the time to write. She tries not to think about it too much, but the coincidences don't go away.

Nearly every time she hears from one, she gets a note from the other within a week. Their correspondence hints at the same thing. When she tells Angie she's living her worst nightmare, being sent to Africa for Jesus, Angie says:

I know that someday you are going to come visit me, because voicing your worst fears the way you have, God has a knack of making us face those fears! LOL! But that's okay, I will take you on a safari, and a coffee safari, and show you the source of the Nile. There is something almost spiritual that happens when you see the Nile for the first time and think of its history!

Then her dear friend gives her a book about a young woman serving God in Uganda. Her Bible study co-leader has a daughter who takes a mission trip there. She can't get away from it. Uganda is everywhere! Kelly tells her this:

I have this feeling that God wants us to team up somehow. I feel there is something BIG that could come from that. So much of your daily writing resonates with me and I save many of them because they help me with my call in Uganda and in writing talks.

And if that isn't enough, Kelly sends her this note from her prayer partner, a woman she's never met:

I have goosebumps--again. I was going to call you today because several times yesterday while I was in prayer and again this morning, I got the same message . . . One of your key prayers of needing someone to join you is going to be answered . . . someone is being called to join you. Now of course, I don't know if it is Tami, but Tami will know.

He takes all these signs to get it in her head that some day she'll be going to Uganda. She can handle some day. It's there, but not too threatening, something you can plan for, like saying some day you'll need to replace the furnace or paint the house. Some day gives her time to adjust to the idea.

And God lets her simmer for a while. Kelly emails here and there. The communication is still open. She reads about Angie's orphanage and just waits in her content some day.

For almost a year.

A year of doing what's before her, satisfied in the work He's given, keeping the some day in the back of her head, but not rushing it, waiting very patiently, secretly hoping it's a long way off.

And then, out of no where, God moves. It starts as an email from Angie, thanking her for a little money she'd sent. The next day she writes a blog post titled, Playing it Safe, where she talks about how God doesn't let His people play it safe. She herself writes:

I have to ask myself some tough questions. Do I want to experience more of God if it means leaving my comfort zone? Am I willing to do hard to know Him better and grow in faith? If I play it safe, will I miss being part of God's work? Will I miss knowing Him in a deeper, more meaningful way? Do I want to risk that for personal safety?

My fearful human self whispers, "I want You, God," but my pulse quickens. What if it hurts? What will He require of me? I can't know and I suppose that is the gift we give Him--trust without knowing. So I pray, "Yes, Lord, whatever You want," but ask for His mercy to come alongside. I breathe deeply and hang on.

Is God leading you out of your comfort zone to draw you closer to Him, to show You more of His love? Do you think Christians can play it safe?

Kelly responds boldly:

Good blog! Serving as a missionary is certainly uncomfortable, but now I crave the discomfort because I get to see God show up in such BIG ways! It's one of the reasons I struggle when I have to come back to my comfortable life . . . I love reading your blog every day and I would love, love, love for you to go with me for two weeks to Uganda next late May/early June!

Some day has been given a specific time frame.

Some day has come.

The middle-aged woman panics, yet she knows. Her husband, her friends, even her children agree.

God wants her to go to Uganda.

How can she say no?

How can I say no?



Related post: He's Sending Me WHERE?!

He's Sending Me WHERE?!

It's overwhelming.

The need, the ways I could help others, the time required to make a difference in people's lives.

I see pain in eyes buried in brave faces and wonder what I can do about it. How can I make life better for them, more peaceful, fulfilling? What can I say? What can I do to ease the burden? Do I have the energy, the time, the abilities, the resources?

And then there's the people I don't know, children looking for sponsorship, heartbreaking stories of persecuted Christians in foreign lands and stolen little girls thrown into prostitution.

So. Much. Need.

If I understand God correctly, I'm supposed to do something about it. I'm supposed to be a light that shows the way to Him. I'm supposed to overcome evil with good. I'm told Love covers over a multitude of sins.

But what can I, a middle-aged woman in Nebraska, do? I can't make a dent in reaching the vast needs, not even in my own little community. What does God expect of me?

I pray about it, and He tells me to do what's before me, to worry about today, to listen, to read His Word, to obey. I guess all I can do is what He places before me.

So I go to Bible study. I talk with hurting friends. I take care of my family. I listen to people's problems. I pray. I make phone calls and send cards and drop an email here or there. I schedule coffee dates to hash over what God's doing. I write blog posts. I hug. I tell my stories to whoever is interested. I make myself available.

I think it makes a difference. Though my actions don't seem monumental, they matter. At least I've been content that I'm doing what God's placed before me. But I never stop praying for more opportunities, for more ways to help. Suddenly God has answered those prayers in a very surprising and scary way.

He's telling me to go to Uganda.

Yes, you read that right, Uganda, as in AFRICA! He's sending me to Uganda, which is completely crazy. As a teenager, it took me MONTHS to decide to become a Christian because I was afraid God might make me go to Africa for Jesus. I've never wanted to go on a missions trip. Never. Truth be told, I'm kind of a homebody. I'm the girl that cried every day the first two weeks of college, and I was only 30 minutes from home! In deciding on work opportunities as a young adult, I purposely chose jobs that kept me close to my roots. The furthest I've ever lived from where I grew up is an hour away.

But God's been very clear.

I'm supposed to go to Uganda.

And the questions whir again. Why ME? Why NOW? What can I possibly do? What do I know about Africa, or missions, for that matter? I've never had a heart that leans that way or an adventurous spirit. Being sent to Africa for Jesus is one of my biggest fears. WHY?

God answers in His trademark, expected way.

Trust Me. Do what is before you and let me take care of it.

So I do. And I will. But I know from experience that I can do very little on my own. I need your help. Start your engines, people! Bring on those prayers.

There's way more to tell about God's crazy plan. If you're one of those people amazed by His mysterious ways, stay tuned, friend. Already this has been an amazing journey of faith and faithfulness and is giving me a whole new perspective of God. I pray you'll join me as I share the story in weeks to come.



Photo Credit: Jeff Kubina

A Plea for HOPE

It started when I read a book called Crazy Love. The gnawing guilt made me hate it. I couldn't believe (or didn't want to) that God calls all of us to the mission field, to care for people we've never met or had any exposure to. Don't I do enough here, in my own little world?

Then, if my conscience hadn't been pricked enough, I picked up Radical and the guilt grew. Does God hold me responsible to meet the needs of the whole world? Really?

It's not that I don't want to care, I just can't relate. How am I to have a heart of compassion for people I don't even know? How can I add world missions to an already crowded schedule and tight budget? My hardness and apathy for the underprivileged and starving in our world bother me. How can I call myself a Christ follower and not feel anything? What is wrong with me?!

So I've been praying about it, that God would give me the right heart, that He would make it more real to me. And then last week, I got an email from a girl I knew in high school, a woman I haven't spoken to in probably thirty years, asking me to give a shout out to the HOPE center in Uganda. She and her husband started the center to meet the needs of orphans from 0-5. The need is great as AIDS has devastated the area.


To be honest, I have never understood the hearts of missionaries. I can't imagine leaving everything here, including family and relationships to meet the physical and spiritual needs of a culture I don't understand. I have great respect for the sacrifices they make and see their work as a high calling I could never aspire to. I just don't feel the tug. But I want to care. I pray to care.

And she emailed me. Out of nowhere. It's no coincidence.

She explains the center this way:

The HOPE Center is a licensed non profit within Uganda, that gives us the right to be here and the right to help the people. They are called NGO's here (Non Government Organization) 501 (c) 3 in the states. We are a licensed 501 (c)3 as well so we are tax deductible. What license we do NOT have yet is an orphanage license. We have focused on getting registered with the government as a NGO and then you have to get registered within the district you are operating in. Those things we have done just 3 weeks ago. Now we start the orphanage license process. Nothing in Africa is fast. Things that are done in a day in the states takes 3 weeks here.

Her heart breaks over the needs, those they can and cannot meet.

The poverty, I pray daily for God to keep my heart as His, and for me not to get numb to what we see. Again today, had yet another mother crying, desperate, hopeless, wanting us to take her children so that they would live, she has no job, no way to get a job, and even if she got a job, it wouldn't be enough . . . I had to turn this mother away. It is not legal for me to take in children without a license, and when they have known parents, unless that parent is extremely ill.

They are completing the paperwork and waiting to become licensed, literally trusting God for each day.

I have never been happier in my life, there is something to be said about living every day, every minute, every second, in complete faith. I have always loved the Lord, and have grown closer to Him with each stage of life, but relying on His promises daily brings a whole new closeness to Him that is unexplainable. 

What I find most fascinating is the way she looks at their life and work:

When people would ask us before we left how could we give up our lives and move to a 3rd world country, our response was very easy. We honestly feel very blessed that God has chosen us. We do not feel like we are sacrificing anything but the convenience of America, and it really has shown me just how lazy I am.

Now keep in mind these are people who took their every last penny to a foreign country, money which she said is "long gone," to meet the needs of complete strangers. Wow.

As you can imagine, this ministry is in need of funding. My friend's husband has been back in the States for four months, working to raise more money. Their most urgent need is for a van to transport children. Would you consider giving to their cause? Take a look at their work and pray about your involvement.

Their Mission Statement
The HOPE Center Uganda Happenings (a blog)

When I told her she was living my worst fear, being sent to Africa for Jesus, she replied with this:

I know that someday you are going to come visit me, because voicing your worst fears the way you have, God has a knack of making us face those fears! LOL But that's okay, I will take you on a safari, and a coffee safari, and show you the source of the Nile. There is something almost spiritual that happens when you see the Nile for the first time and think of its history!

It sounds appealing, doesn't it? You think God's working on my apathetic heart? Mmm hmm.

Do me a favor, would you? Take few moments to consider their mission, their hearts, their center. Would you be willing to support their efforts to reach the orphaned and abandoned children of Uganda?

Truly God works in mysterious ways. Who would have thought He'd answer my prayers with an email from a woman in my past. Having a personal connection softens my heart, piques my interest, makes me want to know more. Maybe there's hope for me.

Thank You, Lord.

Misconceptions

"It is insufficient to proclaim that the Church of God has a mission in the world. Rather, the God of mission has a Church." ~ Tim Dearborn

God has spent my entire lifetime teaching me I am not all that. This quote is yet another reminder.

Mission work of any kind is not about what I can do for God. It's about letting God use me for His purposes, whatever, wherever they may be.

Missions are not the well-laid plans of men, but an extension, an outpouring of who we are in Christ.

Being involved in mission work is not optional.

I don't need any special skills to be involved in missions, only a willing heart.

The point is not to show others to Christ, it is to BE Christ to them.



Thanks to Laurel Wreath for hosting this week!