What We Miss By Hiding

I often get discouraged at how impossible it is to please everyone. Of course I want people to think well of me, I mean, who wants enemies? But the older I get, the more I wonder if it's just not possible in an earthly world. We humans take our impressions, our past experiences, our wounds, our insecurities and use them to make assumptions about others which may or may not be true. Sometimes our notions hurt others, but more often we hurt ourselves as we assume too much (usually in a negative light concerning us) about the behavior of others.

And we hide, hoping our weaknesses aren't exposed.

And yet every woman I know has insecurities, even the ones who seem "together." All have issues in their past that cloud their thinking. All possess sensitivities and deficiencies and addictions they fight to overcome. Why do we assume otherwise? Why do we keep our tender spirits guarded thinking no one has the same trouble we do? How has Satan blinded us into believing we are inferior to each other?

And why do we keep it all inside? Why aren't we out there talking about our struggles, dispelling the idea that we must maintain a certain persona to be respectable and accepted? Why don't we let the pressure out and work on our problems together? Why do we hide ourselves, think the best of others, the worst of ourselves and live lonely lives when there are people out there dealing with the same things we are? What are we afraid of?

Would sharing ourselves in a vulnerable way--opening up our struggles, our weaknesses, our ugly thoughts--help us relate to each other better? Would knowing where others have come from and what demons they fight make us softer towards each other? Would hearing of their pain make us want to fight for them instead of retreat from them? Would sharing our humanness make us better grace givers?

The truth is we stink. All of us. At some point in our lives, we've all been an unpleasant aroma to our Lord. What makes us think we're alone in that?

I say it's time to break Satan's chains and be honest, open, authentic. I say it's time to risk damaging our pride for the pursuit of real, uplifting relationships. Isn't it time we worked together? Isn't this why He gave us each other?

It's time to quit hiding, to quit feeling isolated, to stop yearning for more meaningful friendships. They are attained at a cost--our vulnerability. It may seem too much to pay, but every time God's given me the courage to admit to my own failures, others breathe a sigh of relief and together we say, "How can we work on this?"

Stop hiding, my friend. Open up. Be honest. Push aside your wrong assumptions. Find common ground and support.

Know what you've been missing.

Disagreement

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

I freely admit it. I'm a people pleaser. I hate it when I sense someone doesn't like me. Because of my people pleasing nature, I have a difficult time when someone doesn't agree with me too. My spirit stirs and I feel their disagreement personally. If you don't like my baby (in this case, my idea), you must not like me. Wah, wah.

Every week in Bible study we get into great discussions. And sometimes, like last week, I felt one woman challenging my thinking, not buying what I was saying or at least not relating to it. My insides lamented, "Well, she doesn't agree. She thinks I'm wrong. This will affect how she sees me." I'm not really sure why I felt this way. She was polite, listened carefully and did not belittle me in any way. She just didn't agree with me. I guess the little girl in me who wants everybody to like her thought a dissenting opinion nullified me as a person.

After study concluded, the familiar you-should-have-kept-your-mouth-shut feeling hounded me. I wondered if my thoughts and opinions changed the way others saw me. Would my Bible study friends find me ignorant or weak? Would they think less of me?

But God laid my fears to rest when the woman I thought may change her tune about me, came to me and said, "Tami Boesiger, I love you. I love how you think."

You have no idea how those words soothed me, friend (well, maybe NOW you do). You taught me it's okay to think differently and express varying opinions. We can love each other without subscribing entirely to the philosophy of the other. We can accept each other knowing God asks unique things of individual people. Instead of fearing disagreement, I should be excited about it as a chance to learn another viewpoint I haven't known. I should welcome the opportunity for growth in my own life from the challenge. I should delight in discussion arising from not seeing eye to eye. It makes me think. It forces me to back up what I believe. Such mature discussion truly provides for "iron sharpening iron."

I was challenged again later in the week through my posts about beauty (Outer Beauty is Important to God and More Talk on Beauty). Because of her comments, I knew a dear friend did not agree with me. My first thought was, "Oh, great. She thinks I'm off the deep end. Now she'll lose respect for me. " But then I remembered Bible study and thought, "No, let yourself be sharpened, Tami. Instead of worrying about defending yourself, really consider what she says. You might learn something." And of course, I did.

Disagreements, even those with our fellow believers, are not bad. As long as we do not take them personally, put ourselves aside for the sake of true communication, and sincerely listen to one another, they serve to make us better.



Photo Credit: Pedro Moura Pinheiro

Much More Than Singing

Fifty teenagers from seven different churches and many different schools, on one stage, worshiping the same God.

A sight to behold.

Though I'd heard them before and knew what was coming, from the moment they opened their mouths, I felt the Holy Spirit move. These weren't kids just putting on a show. Their expressions were genuine. They were not performing, they were praising and celebrating in their own hearts, personally, yet together. In one accord.

When they sang "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus", holding hands, heads held high, single-minded in purpose, resembling an army ready for battle, I had to blink away the tears. They are ordinary kids (I know 'cause I live with one of 'em), yet breathtaking in their sincere resolve. Clearly God has captured their hearts. What hope. What promise. What an example.

I heard my son raving about the experience to someone saying, "It's been awesome. You meet these people and it's like, hey, I love Jesus, you love Jesus, we're cool and we're tight. It's awesome."

And it showed. God at work. There was no mistaking His presence as these kids sang with one voice. I choked back tears all night recognizing a very good God in our midst. It was something very special.

It made me wonder, why can't we reproduce the same oneness, the same allegiance in our communities among people who love God? What happens in adulthood that makes us mistrust each other, judge each other? Occasionally we experience such unity in a church family, but rarely are we able to cross church borders and maintain it. Is it possible to capture oneness and enthusiasm in "the real world"?

If only we could, think of how Jesus would be exalted. No one could miss Him. And our world would be changed. We could be God's glory displayed. Imagine being a part of that! Wow.

Fifty ordinary teenagers showed me it's not impossible. They unveiled true beauty and made me yearn to recreate it.

Lord Jesus, show us how.