I know I'm ultrasensitive. The term is uttered and I take it personally. I automatically bristle whenever I hear someone say, "The church should. . ." or "This is a real problem in the church" or "What the church really needs is. . ." Talking in these mass generalizations always makes me nervous. Being married to a music pastor has taught me when phrases like this come up it usually means either my husband or some member of the pastoral staff will be have to be gone ANOTHER night from home.
Forgive me for being a little defensive, but I wonder, exactly WHO are we expecting to solve the problem when we say, "the church should. . ."? If we think the "church body" needs to work on more effective discipleship, who SPECIFICALLY, should be working on that? Aren't ALL believers part of "the church"? Does that mean YOU need to work on more effective discipleship? If you hear, "the body of Christ needs to meet the needs of the elderly better", could it mean YOU need to meet the needs of the elderly better? If someone says, "the church is not sensitive enough to single parents", does that mean YOU are not sensitive enough to single parents? "The church has to reach out to troubled youths" translates to YOU have to reach out to troubled youths. Ouch, huh?
Lumping issues under the umbrella of "the church" leaves the responsibilities vague and open-ended. It doesn't require much of us individually then, does it? It's a way to get ourselves off the hook. I challenge you to start taking references to "the church" personally. We,"the church body", could accomplish so much more if we did.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Joke
Here's joke for you courtesy of my daughter who turns eight tomorrow:
Have you seen the movie, Constipation?
It hasn't come out yet.
Have you seen the movie, Constipation?
It hasn't come out yet.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
First Love
I've felt a heaviness this week, a burden I couldn't identify. All this talk about relationships and needs has been too much for my mind to take in. I can't figure out my responsibility to others or where to find the balance. While I feel fulfilled in my relationships with people, I know many people who do not and I honestly want to help them. But I tend to overcompensate, trying to make them feel important and loved, while wearing myself out. I wonder, am I really doing it for the sake of God and in the name of loving others, or am I trying to look good and be acceptable to people? I care about a lot of people. I want them to feel loved and appreciated, but it is physically impossible. What is my responsibility? How do I know when I should or shouldn't take the time?
As the Psalmist says, "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God. . ." I WAS feeling oppressed, so I asked God about it.
ME: Lord, I feel this burden I can't identify. I read a little portion of Psalms and got misty. What is that? Do I need a fresh filling of Your Spirit? Have I been trying to do things without You?
GOD: A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, you must love one another. (John 13:34)
ME: I'm trying, Lord. Show me how to work it all--caring for my family and building people up.
GOD: May my cry come before You, O Lord; give me understanding according to Your word. (Psalm 119:169)
ME: That's what I want. Give me understanding.
GOD: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:30-31)
ME: Are you saying, "Love God FIRST, then others"? Have I not been doing this?
There was the answer. Not, take care of yourself first so you can care for others. It was LOVE GOD FIRST and then love others. I won't be able to figure it out (DANG, I hate that! There are so many things beyond my puny brain!!). Instead, God was telling me, "Spend time with Me and I will direct you." Now that's something I can comprehend, a game plan I can follow. No, it's not crystal clear. I'm certain I'll question exactly what I'm supposed to be doing at times, but it's got to be better than the little hamster wheel I've been on. LOVE GOD FIRST AND HE WILL DIRECT YOU WITH OTHERS. The burden has lifted. Thank You, Lord.
As the Psalmist says, "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God. . ." I WAS feeling oppressed, so I asked God about it.
ME: Lord, I feel this burden I can't identify. I read a little portion of Psalms and got misty. What is that? Do I need a fresh filling of Your Spirit? Have I been trying to do things without You?
GOD: A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, you must love one another. (John 13:34)
ME: I'm trying, Lord. Show me how to work it all--caring for my family and building people up.
GOD: May my cry come before You, O Lord; give me understanding according to Your word. (Psalm 119:169)
ME: That's what I want. Give me understanding.
GOD: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:30-31)
ME: Are you saying, "Love God FIRST, then others"? Have I not been doing this?
There was the answer. Not, take care of yourself first so you can care for others. It was LOVE GOD FIRST and then love others. I won't be able to figure it out (DANG, I hate that! There are so many things beyond my puny brain!!). Instead, God was telling me, "Spend time with Me and I will direct you." Now that's something I can comprehend, a game plan I can follow. No, it's not crystal clear. I'm certain I'll question exactly what I'm supposed to be doing at times, but it's got to be better than the little hamster wheel I've been on. LOVE GOD FIRST AND HE WILL DIRECT YOU WITH OTHERS. The burden has lifted. Thank You, Lord.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Needs
"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19)
There it is in black and white--the WORD OF GOD. God will meet all my needs. I believe that, but quite honestly (I feel like I need to lower my voice at this point), sometimes I feel like He leaves me hanging. Some moments are down right hard and lonely and sad and I wonder what it's all about.
Judging by the comments from my last post and my own experience, I think we are disappointed because we expect God to meet our needs through PEOPLE. Our needs for belonging, companionship and intimacy always come through human contact. But does God have to do it that way? Can't He do it WITHOUT them? He did in the Bible. He dropped manna from heaven. He fed Elijah through ravens. When Jonah was disappointed in God, feeling depressed, God met his need for comfort in a small vine providing shade (Of course, He killed it the next day to prove a point, but still it met a need for comfort at least one day). When Hagar fled from Sarai to avoid her mistreatment, God met her in her loneliness, pain and despair. She says to Him, "You are the God who sees me" (Genesis 16:13). Hmm. Isn't that exactly what we seek from people, someone who sees and understands us? Later when she and Ishmael are sent away, she ends up in the desert, tired, starving and hopeless and God meets her again, reassuring her of His plan. (Genesis 21:8-21) David continually refers to God in the Psalms as his "refuge". Sounds like a need fulfilled to me. We have the same God. Couldn't He do the same for us?
But one of our needs is that we need people. They push us, stretch us, challenge us, teach us, love us. It reminds me of my feeling about food. I HAVE to have it, but I don't always use it correctly. Just like I want to eat when I'm bored or stressed, I want people when I'm lonely or hurting or don't understand what God is doing. But wouldn't it be healthier to take those needs to God? How does He meet them? I have no clue. I've been trying to figure that one out for myself.
Nine months ago, I felt God telling me not to expect so much from my husband. He told me to let Him take care of the need I looked to Kevin to fulfill. The trouble is I'm so used to getting what I need from people, I don't know HOW to get it from God. I've given it up to Him over and over and done fine, but I still don't get it. How does God meet our needs apart from people? Throw me a bone and give some ideas if you have them.
If we could figure this out, wouldn't our relationships be better? Our feelings wouldn't get hurt so easily and our egos would have less bruising. Wouldn't we be less critical, less demanding, less needy? I think we get confused because we are used to people supplying us with what we want. We expect them to do it even though such expectations result in a lot of disappointment and a high divorce rate. SHOULD we look to people to fulfill our desires? COULD God do it apart from any human intervention? What would that look like?
Lately I've asked God a lot when I am overwhelmed with emotion or need, "What am I supposed to do with this, Lord? What can You do? What are you wanting ME to do with it?" I wish I could say I have a definitive answer, but I don't. Somehow I get over it or through it and live to tell about it. Sometimes I think it's a huge, life long lesson in humility and perseverance. I seem to be forever in a molding pattern. One thing I have discovered is that when I need more self-discipline or greater decisiveness, I ask for His help and realize at the end of the day I did feel stronger. It's like He sends the Holy Spirit to swoop in making me more aware of my choices. I can't explain or describe it, but I'm going to keep trying it. Practice makes perfect, right?
And often in my frustration I hear Him whisper, "Trust me." Oy! THAT again?! But I realize making us rely on Him is love. He knows He is the only One who can actually meet our every need. Yes, He may use people to do it, but do others become a crutch for us? Do we lean on them, expect from them more than we should? When we depend on others are we relying on God? I wonder if He loves us enough to put us through tough times to tell us, "No, let Me do it. I'm molding you into something spectacular."
Can you trust God, no matter how lonely or painful it might be, to make you into something spectacular? Can you trudge through the rocky path so He can show you How HE alone can meet your needs? Can you see it as His gift?
There it is in black and white--the WORD OF GOD. God will meet all my needs. I believe that, but quite honestly (I feel like I need to lower my voice at this point), sometimes I feel like He leaves me hanging. Some moments are down right hard and lonely and sad and I wonder what it's all about.
Judging by the comments from my last post and my own experience, I think we are disappointed because we expect God to meet our needs through PEOPLE. Our needs for belonging, companionship and intimacy always come through human contact. But does God have to do it that way? Can't He do it WITHOUT them? He did in the Bible. He dropped manna from heaven. He fed Elijah through ravens. When Jonah was disappointed in God, feeling depressed, God met his need for comfort in a small vine providing shade (Of course, He killed it the next day to prove a point, but still it met a need for comfort at least one day). When Hagar fled from Sarai to avoid her mistreatment, God met her in her loneliness, pain and despair. She says to Him, "You are the God who sees me" (Genesis 16:13). Hmm. Isn't that exactly what we seek from people, someone who sees and understands us? Later when she and Ishmael are sent away, she ends up in the desert, tired, starving and hopeless and God meets her again, reassuring her of His plan. (Genesis 21:8-21) David continually refers to God in the Psalms as his "refuge". Sounds like a need fulfilled to me. We have the same God. Couldn't He do the same for us?
But one of our needs is that we need people. They push us, stretch us, challenge us, teach us, love us. It reminds me of my feeling about food. I HAVE to have it, but I don't always use it correctly. Just like I want to eat when I'm bored or stressed, I want people when I'm lonely or hurting or don't understand what God is doing. But wouldn't it be healthier to take those needs to God? How does He meet them? I have no clue. I've been trying to figure that one out for myself.
Nine months ago, I felt God telling me not to expect so much from my husband. He told me to let Him take care of the need I looked to Kevin to fulfill. The trouble is I'm so used to getting what I need from people, I don't know HOW to get it from God. I've given it up to Him over and over and done fine, but I still don't get it. How does God meet our needs apart from people? Throw me a bone and give some ideas if you have them.
If we could figure this out, wouldn't our relationships be better? Our feelings wouldn't get hurt so easily and our egos would have less bruising. Wouldn't we be less critical, less demanding, less needy? I think we get confused because we are used to people supplying us with what we want. We expect them to do it even though such expectations result in a lot of disappointment and a high divorce rate. SHOULD we look to people to fulfill our desires? COULD God do it apart from any human intervention? What would that look like?
Lately I've asked God a lot when I am overwhelmed with emotion or need, "What am I supposed to do with this, Lord? What can You do? What are you wanting ME to do with it?" I wish I could say I have a definitive answer, but I don't. Somehow I get over it or through it and live to tell about it. Sometimes I think it's a huge, life long lesson in humility and perseverance. I seem to be forever in a molding pattern. One thing I have discovered is that when I need more self-discipline or greater decisiveness, I ask for His help and realize at the end of the day I did feel stronger. It's like He sends the Holy Spirit to swoop in making me more aware of my choices. I can't explain or describe it, but I'm going to keep trying it. Practice makes perfect, right?
And often in my frustration I hear Him whisper, "Trust me." Oy! THAT again?! But I realize making us rely on Him is love. He knows He is the only One who can actually meet our every need. Yes, He may use people to do it, but do others become a crutch for us? Do we lean on them, expect from them more than we should? When we depend on others are we relying on God? I wonder if He loves us enough to put us through tough times to tell us, "No, let Me do it. I'm molding you into something spectacular."
Can you trust God, no matter how lonely or painful it might be, to make you into something spectacular? Can you trudge through the rocky path so He can show you How HE alone can meet your needs? Can you see it as His gift?
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Questions
Have you sat in a room full of people and felt very alone? Have you looked around and wondered if anyone there really knew you? Does it make you feel unnoticed, unneeded and unnecessary? And the big question--Does this happen to you at church?
Whose fault is it? Are the people around you at fault because they don't approach you? What if they're sitting there thinking the same thing about you? Are you at fault for not extending yourself? How does this happen in a fellowship of believers?
Is true fellowship, not church socials, but a meeting-of-the-minds-I've-got-your-back kind of fellowship possible in our frenzied society? Are you missing connections with other believers? Do you long for people to think of you, notice you, call you? Would feeling connected enhance your life? How?
What can we do about it? Are we all so busy keeping our heads above water in our busy world that we don't have time to get to know others? What are we missing out on? Have we become self-centered, wanting everyone else to do the work? How much time does it take to ask someone how they are and listen intently to their response? How hard is it to tell the truth when asked? If we want to be known, don't we have to open up and let ourselves be seen?
Can you see the two extremes? Where do you fit in between? What would you like people to do for you? Are you doing it for them? What do you expect? What will you do? How can we foster fellowship?
Whose fault is it? Are the people around you at fault because they don't approach you? What if they're sitting there thinking the same thing about you? Are you at fault for not extending yourself? How does this happen in a fellowship of believers?
Is true fellowship, not church socials, but a meeting-of-the-minds-I've-got-your-back kind of fellowship possible in our frenzied society? Are you missing connections with other believers? Do you long for people to think of you, notice you, call you? Would feeling connected enhance your life? How?
What can we do about it? Are we all so busy keeping our heads above water in our busy world that we don't have time to get to know others? What are we missing out on? Have we become self-centered, wanting everyone else to do the work? How much time does it take to ask someone how they are and listen intently to their response? How hard is it to tell the truth when asked? If we want to be known, don't we have to open up and let ourselves be seen?
Can you see the two extremes? Where do you fit in between? What would you like people to do for you? Are you doing it for them? What do you expect? What will you do? How can we foster fellowship?
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Rollercoaster Ride
My emotions have been all over the place this last week. I spent three days being so depressed and disappointed the tears would spill out with the slightest bump. Then came the big anniversary and I felt so happy and blessed. I wanted to be spontaneous and impulsive and completely irresponsible. Would you believe we seriously contemplated getting matching tattoos to commemorate the day? My husband being willing to do it was SO romantic. I was disappointed in myself that I didn't have the guts to go through with it. (Do I get any credit for giving us both temporary ones?) So there were two days of sheer joy in the gift of my marriage and being so happy I could hardly take it. Now I've had a few days of being sentimental and wistful and thinking about the passage of time and how it changes life.
Those of you who know me well are thinking, "So what's new?" I've always been this moody and this week is no exception. I've always considered it a flaw in myself. Aren't Christians supposed to be steady, even, able to handle the storms of life with strength and grace? Can I really be a rock if I switch from joy to tears in the same day? There are some days I feel things so deeply it seems like a burden. Why can't I roll with the punches without thinking about everything so much? Why does the slightest thing, a comment, a phone call, a song on the radio change my entire mood? These extreme emotional changes can't be a strength. I must have a lot of growing to do in my faith.
But this week it occurred to me that even though I'm all over the place emotionally I FEEL something every day. My life is not passing by unnoticed. I am not going through the motions. I am aware (admittedly, sometimes TOO aware) of significance in every single day. Though sometimes I think it's a curse, I am rarely bored. I can find joy in something as small as a cup of cappuccino on a quiet Saturday morning and even grief can be good, for I know I honor my dad's memory when tears come so easily. Both extremes assure me I am experiencing my life. I am living it and getting as much as I can out of it. Maybe my moodiness isn't all bad. Though it makes me feel weak much of the time, God promises me when I am weak, He is strong. I can deal with that.
Come on in, Lord. I'm an emotional weakling, but I thank You for it. It makes me conscious of my need for You. Turn my weakness into strength.
Those of you who know me well are thinking, "So what's new?" I've always been this moody and this week is no exception. I've always considered it a flaw in myself. Aren't Christians supposed to be steady, even, able to handle the storms of life with strength and grace? Can I really be a rock if I switch from joy to tears in the same day? There are some days I feel things so deeply it seems like a burden. Why can't I roll with the punches without thinking about everything so much? Why does the slightest thing, a comment, a phone call, a song on the radio change my entire mood? These extreme emotional changes can't be a strength. I must have a lot of growing to do in my faith.
But this week it occurred to me that even though I'm all over the place emotionally I FEEL something every day. My life is not passing by unnoticed. I am not going through the motions. I am aware (admittedly, sometimes TOO aware) of significance in every single day. Though sometimes I think it's a curse, I am rarely bored. I can find joy in something as small as a cup of cappuccino on a quiet Saturday morning and even grief can be good, for I know I honor my dad's memory when tears come so easily. Both extremes assure me I am experiencing my life. I am living it and getting as much as I can out of it. Maybe my moodiness isn't all bad. Though it makes me feel weak much of the time, God promises me when I am weak, He is strong. I can deal with that.
Come on in, Lord. I'm an emotional weakling, but I thank You for it. It makes me conscious of my need for You. Turn my weakness into strength.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Happy Anniversary
I'm feeling excited and happy today. It is my 20th wedding anniversary. TWENTY YEARS!! The best of my life.
I will never forget the feeling I had my first week of marriage. I had a very good childhood and was very much a homebody, but my first days as a married woman were so comfortable it was a whole new feeling of home. I remember thinking, "This is me. This is what I've been wanting. I feel more myself than ever before. I'm finally home." Yes, we've had times that weren't exactly blissful, but that feeling of home has never gone away. With him is where I belong.
How does twenty years with the same person change you? Here's what I've learned from my husband:
1. Buck up! Be a Boesiger!
2. Talking--I talk A LOT more since I got married. He's rubbing off on me!!
3. Bedtime is NOT the best time to get into a deep discussion.
4. Saying nothing is not the same as not noticing.
5. Your mind is more attractive than your body (still in shock about this one).
6. Don't be afraid to do something differently than anyone else does it.
7. He likes who I am, not who I think I should be.
8. Do what God has called you to do. Don't worry about what other people think.
9. He will always pick me first. (Mmmm, HUGE gift. Thank you, honey.)
10. I am wholly and dearly loved.
Happy Anniversary, Kevin. I LOVE being married to you. You have consistently shown me what unconditional love is all about. I'm sorry I've made it hard for you sometimes. It is my honor (and so much fun!!) to be your wife. Thank you for twenty wonderful years. Let's shoot for forty more! I love you.
I will never forget the feeling I had my first week of marriage. I had a very good childhood and was very much a homebody, but my first days as a married woman were so comfortable it was a whole new feeling of home. I remember thinking, "This is me. This is what I've been wanting. I feel more myself than ever before. I'm finally home." Yes, we've had times that weren't exactly blissful, but that feeling of home has never gone away. With him is where I belong.
How does twenty years with the same person change you? Here's what I've learned from my husband:
1. Buck up! Be a Boesiger!
2. Talking--I talk A LOT more since I got married. He's rubbing off on me!!
3. Bedtime is NOT the best time to get into a deep discussion.
4. Saying nothing is not the same as not noticing.
5. Your mind is more attractive than your body (still in shock about this one).
6. Don't be afraid to do something differently than anyone else does it.
7. He likes who I am, not who I think I should be.
8. Do what God has called you to do. Don't worry about what other people think.
9. He will always pick me first. (Mmmm, HUGE gift. Thank you, honey.)
10. I am wholly and dearly loved.
Happy Anniversary, Kevin. I LOVE being married to you. You have consistently shown me what unconditional love is all about. I'm sorry I've made it hard for you sometimes. It is my honor (and so much fun!!) to be your wife. Thank you for twenty wonderful years. Let's shoot for forty more! I love you.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
What was His answer?
It's August 6th.
Did I get my miracle? No.
Am I disappointed? Very, very much.
Do I understand it? Not at all.
I'm sad. I've been looking for God all this week and last. I've been praying hard and waiting, waiting, waiting. It occurred to me yesterday that He may do the miracle in a different way than I might expect, so I stayed open for anything, expecting to see Him solve the problem any where, at any turn. But He didn't. Well, not yet at least.
I really didn't lose hope until I went to an anniversary party this afternoon. I felt the tears brimming the moment the song began:
"How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me?
Things so undeserved, that You gave to prove Your love for me.
The voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude.
All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee."
"To God be the glory, to God be the glory,
to God be the glory for the things He has done.
With His blood He has saved us, with His power He has raised us,
to God be the glory for the things He has done."
We had that song sung at our wedding. Was He saying, "Tami, you've got your miracle. Why do you ask for more? Can't you be thankful for all I've done?"? It made me feel guilty and certain the miracle I wanted was not coming.
Then a couple came up to us, talking about a completely unrelated topic and the woman said out of the blue, "The Lord is in control. He's not always in our time frame, but He's always in control." I found myself mesmerized by her, as if it was only God and I in that room. And though I don't know her well, she gently patted my back as she walked by, like God adding, "It's okay. I've got it covered. TRUST ME."
I got home and checked my e-mail finding this in a forward from my aunt, "Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later..."
So God said no, but He didn't leave me hanging. He didn't forget me. He spoke very clearly.
I appreciate that and recognize He didn't have to give me indisputable confirmation of Himself. But tonight I can't sleep wondering, "Why, God? Why? Why couldn't it be yes? What do You want from me?"
He says, "Don't look to people to solve your problems. Look only to Me!" How I wish I knew what that meant. He whispers, "Trust me" and "Just wait". I'll try with everything I have, Lord. What other choice do I have?
"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" (Isaiah 30:18)
I will wait for You, Lord, I will, but I need Your compassion tonight. This hurts.
Did I get my miracle? No.
Am I disappointed? Very, very much.
Do I understand it? Not at all.
I'm sad. I've been looking for God all this week and last. I've been praying hard and waiting, waiting, waiting. It occurred to me yesterday that He may do the miracle in a different way than I might expect, so I stayed open for anything, expecting to see Him solve the problem any where, at any turn. But He didn't. Well, not yet at least.
I really didn't lose hope until I went to an anniversary party this afternoon. I felt the tears brimming the moment the song began:
"How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me?
Things so undeserved, that You gave to prove Your love for me.
The voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude.
All that I am and ever hope to be, I owe it all to Thee."
"To God be the glory, to God be the glory,
to God be the glory for the things He has done.
With His blood He has saved us, with His power He has raised us,
to God be the glory for the things He has done."
We had that song sung at our wedding. Was He saying, "Tami, you've got your miracle. Why do you ask for more? Can't you be thankful for all I've done?"? It made me feel guilty and certain the miracle I wanted was not coming.
Then a couple came up to us, talking about a completely unrelated topic and the woman said out of the blue, "The Lord is in control. He's not always in our time frame, but He's always in control." I found myself mesmerized by her, as if it was only God and I in that room. And though I don't know her well, she gently patted my back as she walked by, like God adding, "It's okay. I've got it covered. TRUST ME."
I got home and checked my e-mail finding this in a forward from my aunt, "Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later..."
So God said no, but He didn't leave me hanging. He didn't forget me. He spoke very clearly.
I appreciate that and recognize He didn't have to give me indisputable confirmation of Himself. But tonight I can't sleep wondering, "Why, God? Why? Why couldn't it be yes? What do You want from me?"
He says, "Don't look to people to solve your problems. Look only to Me!" How I wish I knew what that meant. He whispers, "Trust me" and "Just wait". I'll try with everything I have, Lord. What other choice do I have?
"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" (Isaiah 30:18)
I will wait for You, Lord, I will, but I need Your compassion tonight. This hurts.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
When God Says No
I've prayed about the same problem for over seven years and God's answer has been a consistent no. I've spent many sleepless nights worrying about it, yet I know struggling through those long nights have taught me what it means to "trust in the Lord". God has sustained us, beyond what I thought possible and I have been thankful. I know that character and faith are built in trials and I am growing because of the nos (Is anyone else yawning yet?).
But last week I asked God, "Could the answer be yes yet? Could the solution be easy just this once?" I asked Him for the miracle I've wanted for seven years and asked Him if He could do it by August 5th (I don't know why this particular date, but it stuck in my head for some reason.) Is that bad, asking God for something in a certain time frame? I'm not sure, but I do know Jesus answered those who were persistent and bold. I did add that I understood His way was best and I would continue to trust Him no matter what. I've tried to wait expectantly, because when we ask we are to believe and not doubt (James 1), but I've also not gotten my hopes up. I have experience hearing His nos.
In high school I spent many nights praying for a boyfriend and God kept saying no. Though it crushed my heart then, I actually see the benefit of that one now. He was right. I was better off in the long run. Good call, God!
I've spent a lifetime asking Him to make me skinny. I've gotten a lot of nos on that one, but I sort of see a bigger plan in play here. If I was what I wanted to be physically, I may have never come to God in the first place. I'd be way more self-centered than I already am. Dealing with weight issues has slowly taught me discipline and denying myself (still working on these, of course)--good qualities in a servant.
The toughest blow I ever got was when my parents divorced. I prayed for them for twenty years and it took me a while to get over His resounding NO. But even though my world came crashing in for a little while, I survived one of my greatest fears. God showed me He was God. He told me I didn't need to understand why. He listened to me cry and whispered, "Trust Me."
Then a couple days ago I woke up feeling down, wanting to sense God's presence more than usual. I asked Him to let me see Him in a way I never had before. I asked for a fresh filling of His Spirit. I asked Him to show Himself big and unmistakable. I waited all day, scrutinizing perfect strangers, looking for His touch in every encounter, but nothing unusual happened. Why? I was sincere. I was expecting Him. My eyes were wide open. His answer this time seems to be, "Haven't I given you enough already? Do I really have to put on a show for you to trust Me?" He reminded me of John 20:29, "Then Jesus told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.'"
So I'm not sure how to approach this new request for a yes. I'm not assuming He'll answer no, but I'm not putting all my eggs in the yes basket either. Do you think He understands that? I laid the prayer out there and I'm waiting to see what He'll do. Thy will be done, Lord. If August 6th comes around and nothing has happened I'm not going to abandon God. I will not pout or scream "no fair!" (well, at least not in public). Yes, I may be disappointed, but I won't doubt God's existence or His love for me. I won't stop asking for bold things either. One of these days the answer's got to be yes and if I never ask, I'll never get it.
But last week I asked God, "Could the answer be yes yet? Could the solution be easy just this once?" I asked Him for the miracle I've wanted for seven years and asked Him if He could do it by August 5th (I don't know why this particular date, but it stuck in my head for some reason.) Is that bad, asking God for something in a certain time frame? I'm not sure, but I do know Jesus answered those who were persistent and bold. I did add that I understood His way was best and I would continue to trust Him no matter what. I've tried to wait expectantly, because when we ask we are to believe and not doubt (James 1), but I've also not gotten my hopes up. I have experience hearing His nos.
In high school I spent many nights praying for a boyfriend and God kept saying no. Though it crushed my heart then, I actually see the benefit of that one now. He was right. I was better off in the long run. Good call, God!
I've spent a lifetime asking Him to make me skinny. I've gotten a lot of nos on that one, but I sort of see a bigger plan in play here. If I was what I wanted to be physically, I may have never come to God in the first place. I'd be way more self-centered than I already am. Dealing with weight issues has slowly taught me discipline and denying myself (still working on these, of course)--good qualities in a servant.
The toughest blow I ever got was when my parents divorced. I prayed for them for twenty years and it took me a while to get over His resounding NO. But even though my world came crashing in for a little while, I survived one of my greatest fears. God showed me He was God. He told me I didn't need to understand why. He listened to me cry and whispered, "Trust Me."
Then a couple days ago I woke up feeling down, wanting to sense God's presence more than usual. I asked Him to let me see Him in a way I never had before. I asked for a fresh filling of His Spirit. I asked Him to show Himself big and unmistakable. I waited all day, scrutinizing perfect strangers, looking for His touch in every encounter, but nothing unusual happened. Why? I was sincere. I was expecting Him. My eyes were wide open. His answer this time seems to be, "Haven't I given you enough already? Do I really have to put on a show for you to trust Me?" He reminded me of John 20:29, "Then Jesus told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.'"
So I'm not sure how to approach this new request for a yes. I'm not assuming He'll answer no, but I'm not putting all my eggs in the yes basket either. Do you think He understands that? I laid the prayer out there and I'm waiting to see what He'll do. Thy will be done, Lord. If August 6th comes around and nothing has happened I'm not going to abandon God. I will not pout or scream "no fair!" (well, at least not in public). Yes, I may be disappointed, but I won't doubt God's existence or His love for me. I won't stop asking for bold things either. One of these days the answer's got to be yes and if I never ask, I'll never get it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)