Buoyed

Though I prayed the entire 45-minute drive to the hospital, I noticed in the last ten minutes my breathing would get shallower, my heart would start pumping faster and the muscles in the back of my neck tensed up. Lord, it's so hard seeing him suffer knowing only death will fix it. Help me get through another day. He sat on the edge of his bed, hunched over the bedside table, head in his hands, struggling for every breath. One day he looked at me, his eyes watering, his nose running from the chemo and said, "I'm miserable, absolutely miserable." And there was nothing to do, no way to help him except be there and talk to him and try to take his mind off of it. And even though the pit in my stomach grew and my blood pressure rose entering those hospital doors, I did it every day until his death.

The alarm rang and the familiar fight with myself ensued. You gotta get up, Tam, there's so much to do. But it's too early. The night was too short. Doesn't matter. Remember what you have to accomplish before the kids get up? Lord, aren't I supposed to ENJOY life too? I don't want to live a rat race. I don't want to dread the day. Help me make the best of it, okay? This day is yours. It will be busy, but fill it with You. Let's make it count for something, okay? And my feet hit the floor.

The hurt look in her eyes upon seeing me jabbed me in the gut. Why, Lord? We're both trying. We're both doing what is right despite how we feel. When does the hurt go away? Then we pushed through the pain and had a pleasant conversation.

My jaw was clenched and I shut the dishwasher door with more force than necessary. Two Exedrins and three Advils later and my head was still pounding. Why was every person in my house an idiot? Were they TRYING to irritate the snot out of me? When will we learn where our socks go?!! Stupid people. . . no stupid PMS. Exactly what is the purpose of hormones, Lord? What am I supposed to do with this? "Just do the next thing, Tami," He replied. The day ended and no one was injured.

Martin Luther said, "To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing." Amen, brother!! Isn't that the truth?!

"For in him we live and move and have our being. . ."
Acts 17:28





Visit this week's host at Sting My Heart.