The clock hits 3:15 PM and the rat race begins. I hit the elementary first, pick up two kids there, venture over to the middle school to pick up another, then drop two off at home before I take the youngest to her piano lesson. I go home, greet my high schooler and help with some homework before taking myself and my younger son to a chiropractic appointment, letting husband bring home younger daughter. There's just enough time to cook dinner and snarf it down. Older son goes off to a show choir performance for some civic group, older daughter stays put to do homework while the rest of us go off to an elementary school program. We're supposed to stay at the school for a meeting, but since we have a bunch of college kids headed over to the house in around an hour, we decide to skip it in favor of getting the younger kids ready for bed and picking up the house. When we get home, one of our former college kids has stopped by unexpectedly and is sitting in the living room working on his lap top, hosted by older daughter. While we catch up with him, a friend stops by needing someone to talk to, so I head out to the front porch with her, while husband visits with college guy. In the meantime, younger daughter needs someone to listen to her read her reading homework. Since older son is back, he's sent in to get her started. Friend leaves and I relieve older son while husband sets out drinks and snacks for college study. I put younger daughter and younger son to bed, wander downstairs where older daughter is waiting for help with Algebra while college kids are streaming into the house. I sit down at the dining room table with older daughter while the video tape for study starts in the next room. We finish graphing equations and I join husband and college kids sprawled out in the living room where we discuss Truth and God and the world until around 12:30 AM.
People tell me I need balance.
But as I look over this day (and of course, all my days are not all like this), what should I cut out? We need to attend our kids' events. We need to help them with homework and take them to appointments. It is a privilege to provide a place for college kids to hang out and figure out life as adults. I am honored when people come to me for a listening ear and enjoy giving any help I can. People need a safe place to go. If not at my house, where? Every activity is important. Every act is done to further another human being. Is it right to turn people away so I can achieve "balance"? Yes, I get tired. Yes, I've had times I've felt completely spent, but is that wrong?
But here's my biggest problem: I don't think BALANCE is Biblical.
Jesus says if we are to be great in the kingdom of God, we are to be a servant and those who want to be first must be slaves of all. (Mark 10:42-45) SLAVES. Does that sound like balance? Jesus says, "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." (Matthew 5:41-42) When Jesus was grieving the death of John the Baptist and tried to get alone, people followed Him. "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." (Matthew 14:14) He stayed so long it was dinner time so He told the disciples to feed them yet too--a mere 5000 of them! The saints of the early church certainly didn't display balance. "Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you." (1 Thessalonians 2:9)
Someone will say, "but you have to take care of yourself to be any good to anyone else." Yeah, but I can use that as an excuse not to do things also.
I've been told:
You need to learn to say no.
You need a break.
You're going to burn yourself out.
I understand the concept, but have a hard time living it. Don't get me wrong. I base nearly everything I do on how it will affect my family, but there are times it seems God brings things, important things, into my life that cause my family to sacrifice time together. I've been told a few times I am too busy, I need to pare away some things in my life and honestly I've felt that way often, but how do you tell someone you know you can help, no? And if I don't do what I do, someone else will have to do it. Is MY time more important than theirs? Where is "the balance?"
5 comments:
Wow! And I thought my life was busy. May I suggest that you have found your *balance* and that as long as you are following God's lead you will know when to say "no." What a privilege that your children see you and your husband not only ministering to the college kids, but also putting their needs as importance as well, and sharing the workload among all the family. ((hugs)) and rest when you can!
Tami, this is a wonderful, awesome post! The picture that came to my mind was you, when you are old, looking back over your life. I see you nodding your head and smiling to yourself about how full and rich your life has been because you followed the Lord's leading, you followed your heart and your natural giftings, and you invested yourself in people -- in relationships -- and made a countless number of people's lives better. I see you remembering all those exhortations to find "balance" and shaking your head thinking, "they just didn't get it." And I see the Lord embracing you with a huge hug and a smile, saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Balance, schmalance. You go, girl.
Wow Tami. That's a really interresting thought. I think it's interesting how we emphasize the importance of some things in life, like balance,and don't always pause to think, "Is this how God sees it?" I think this is very profound. I often resort to whining when I feel like things are spinning out of control, but who am I to say that's not how God wants it to be? I think the only thing I would question in my own life, is what things do I do that are not necessarily what God wants me to do, that put a damper on my relationship with Him. Perhaps those are the things I should be trimming away. Great thoughts friend!
Interesting thoughts from a day in your life. As I look at biblical responsibility - I think I the Scriptures are clear that my family should be number one relative to my ministry - I need to help my children spiritually first. I have ministry opportunities with my children and their friends. If I miss it with my children (and they go down the wrong path), I will forever live with the results. College students I once ministered to, I may never see again. I want my children to get the best of my efforts. Maybe you could ask your children what they think of the college ministry....what do your children say about your schedule? A cyberspace friend.....
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your gentle warning about shortchanging my children. I have struggled with this (as you wisely ascertained) and asked God many times about it. My family is my priority, but it seems God keeps sending people my way. I would love for you to pass along the scriptures you have found that say your family should be number one. I have never been successful finding them.
Thank you for having the courage to leave your comment. Know that I have mulled it over all day.
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