Running as if his life depended on it, the hamster went nuts on the little wire wheel, a rodent possessed. When his feet slipped, he regrouped and started up again. What was so compelling about it? Did he think he could reach something better? He just kept going and going and going. . .but getting no where.
I leaned my head close to the cage and whispered, "Hang in there, little guy. I know how you feel."
I've been running too--running the race, fighting the good fight, all that jazz. I've been striving and pressing on and persevering, all that important spiritual sounding stuff. Yet nothing I do seems big enough. If I run a little faster, maybe I'll get there. I tell God, I'm Your girl, God. I'm ready for something big.
But God says, What if this is all there is? Can you be happy with that?
What? Wait. . .no. . .You can't be serious.
What if this IS my big plan for you? Can you accept that?
But, Lord, these things that burn in my heart. . .what about those?
You mean your dreams?
Well. . .yeah. They can't be bad, can they? I want to use them to honor You.
Yes, that's nice and all, but would you be willing to give them up?
Why?
Just because I asked you to.
Wow, that's a tough one, Lord.
I know.
The hamster wheel squeaks and I remember the race, the sameness, the monotony.
You want me to do this forever?
I want you to do whatever I ask.
But it seems so meaningless, Lord.
Let me be the judge of that. The wheel is your exercise, remember? It's never for nothing. It's building your muscles, making you strong.
Yes. . .but sometimes it's exhausting, Lord.
I know.
Sometimes I don't think I can take another step. Am I really cut out for this world, Lord?
God inches in, close enough for the back of my neck to tingle and whispers gently, Trust Me.
My heart beats a little faster.
Trust Me.
I feel the need to kneel.
Trust Me.
What else can I do, Lord? I am Your servant. I love You above all.
With tears in my eyes, I get back on the wheel and keep moving, remembering that he who loves God obeys Him. May Your will be done, Lord.
6 comments:
Tami, you are such a blessing to me! I've been taking stock this week about the "monotony" of my life and wondering what I could add to make it more appealing/jazzy in ways that would also honor God. Maybe this is all that He is calling me to right now? I'm feeling the need for knee-time to assess as well. Bless you for sharing your heart.
Tami,
I look at you and think "No way. Her life is monotonous?" I think sometimes we see others and think their lives are MUCH more exciting than our own. If we walked in each others shoes we'd realize we are all the same, repeating many of the routines and commitments every day. I will try to think of it as exercising my muscles Tami. That was a good visual for me. Thanks. And I need to put blinders on and quit looking around.
I love your literary contrast between running the wheel and kneeling! I never thought about the need to kneel and worship as rest and a welcome relief from the treadmill of life. Oh my, the Lord knows what He's doing, doesn't He?
Good word, Tami. :~)
What's that He said in 2 Corinthians? "My grace is sufficient for you..."
May you find the grace to stay on that wheel.
OH my goodness - I came across your blog through a blog through a blog - I cant't remember. But this post spoke to me need today.
I am at a place of disatisfaction.& I can't quite name it. I keep praying "Lord please change my life" I love my husband, my church, my job, but I'm missing a 'something'. I want something that I want and I can't put my finger on it.
I do know it's the Lord but I want a bigger move of Him in my life - I have been praying this - but your post spoke to me - "if this is all there is - will I be satisfied'!!
My heart says yes Lord - but still please do something with me hahaha - so glad He loves and understands me. Thanks for your post.
Isn't that wonderful the way that God works? I found your blog through Robyn's "Overflowing Grace". I find myself thinking this sometimes too. Especially now, that I am a SAHM. I used to work outside the home, and while my work outside could not have been glorifying to Him (I wasn't a believer then) I sometimes wonder, is this all there is? And would I be willing to give it up? Surely I would, but kneel time is definitely necessary for me to be able to do it without kicking and screaming my way off that wheel. :) Please do come visit my blog sometime. http://msp31wannabe.blogspot.com You are going on my blogroll right this minute. Blessings to you!
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