Thursday, January 31, 2008

Riding the Wave

It was one of those weepy mornings where the slightest bump will cause a tear to spill out. Blasted hormones. Worse yet, it was Sunday and worship tends to bring out my emotional side without any help from nature. Here we go, God, I thought and walked into church.

I didn't start out too good. I looked around the room and for every person I saw, I could name an accompanying sorrow. Despite my desire to push through, I couldn't shake my sadness for what people must endure. I couldn't help but think about the disagreements, misunderstandings and hurt feelings that come with being human. We cause each other pain. It's not on purpose most of the time, but it happens. And it will happen. While singing worship songs, I wished I could get over how life inevitably brings grief. So I sang. I shut my eyes and sang, desperately trying to praise Him in all things.
"How great is our God.
Sing with me how great is our God
that all will see how great, how great is our God."
Sing with me. I thought of all the people in the room who were suffering. Sing with me how great is our God. I thought of those who'd been hurt, some I hurt myself. Forgive me. Can we unite in this one thing? Can we sing together how great is our God? A few tears escaped and I longed for relationships to be easier. Sing with me. Please. Sing with me.

Maybe hormones played a role in what happened next (the Lord knows they were doing a number on me), but I think it was more than that. The Holy Spirit had been hovering all morning.

The song ended and I stood there, not knowing what to do with everything swirling inside me. Trying to find a way out of my emotional pit, I made a beeline to a grieving woman. The special music had been a song sung at her grandson's funeral only a few weeks before. It seemed logical that focusing on someone else could get me out of my funk. Without saying a word, I tapped her on the shoulder and gave her a hug. As I expected, she started to cry, but what I never saw coming was my own response. I absolutely could not hold back the dam and buried my face in her shoulder to hide it. I didn't know her grandson. I'd never even met the kid, but the longer we embraced, the stronger the weeping from both of us. Our bodies trembled in muffled sobbing and I wondered why this was affecting me so much. When I tried to collect myself and pull away, she brought me close again and held me there as if to say, "It's okay, honey. Let it all out." And another wave let loose.

The Holy Spirit whispered, "Let it go, babe. It's okay to feel sad about your loss. You've lost loved ones through death, relationships through life, and Paradise itself, where being human became difficult. Don't wish away your emotions. Cherish them. Let them lead you to Me."

Truly, the Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.

Even, or perhaps especially, a hormonal mess of a woman.

For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Sting My Heart.


Brenda said...

I saw you with her after church and thought you were providing comfort. I should not assume. I have a challenge for you. This Sunday look around and count how many have had prayers answered! And I look forward to the day when Hormonal times are a thing of the past!

Rachelle said...

Great advice. Focus on the good, there is a lot of that too. Love ya!

Denise said...

Thanks for sharing this, really heart touching.

Dianne said...

Yes, thanks for sharing. I'm not very comfortable with tears, especially not my own! This blessed my heart today.

Heather@Mommymonk said...

I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who has those kinds of Sunday Mornings - where we just need to let the dam break. My husband looks at me with wonder and asks, "What is going on?" I sometimes don't even know - my spirit is just tender before the Lord. He does pour out His compassion on us.

Jaime said...

I had a moment like that just yesterday in the car when the song "Held" came on the radio. I couldn't hold back the tears. Music does that to me so often. But I do think God uses what he can just to get us to keep turing to him again and again! Love you and your loving tender heart. Kevin may love your brain (and I'll admit, it's nice) but I get dibs on the heart!

Denise said...

I agree with Jaime - music gets me too. It seems to tug at my heartstrings and provides such a great opportunity for release. I noticed you up there, but had no idea the strength it took for you to hold on and press forward. The music is always so moving - I can't imagine a Sunday morning without it. You have such a great heart, Tami! Thanks for sharing it with the rest of us. Denise R.

e-Mom said...

Yes, when it comes to grief, the only way out is through. Babies and children just let the wave of sorrow wash over, and then it's gone. I'm trying to learn to do the same. Tears can be so healing.

I'm so sorry for your loss (and your friend's.)

Off-topic, but your blog's "new clothes" are gorgeous.


e-Mom :~D

Anonymous said...

A vital part of worship is being real with God. A vital part of church is being real with our fellow believers.

At your weakest moment, you each poured out God's perfect ministry of healing. It's hard to comprehend the vastness of God's ways when they often come in such simple acts. Extravagant.

You are God's beauty displayed.

Lynn said...

Wow Tami, Wow,

This is a wonderful post... Thank you for taking me along with you to this place of surrender.

Sometimes we all need a good cry with the Holy Spirit. Love you, Lynn

Living Beyond said...

This is a wonderful REAL post - I have been there and done that and it's a wonderful place of freedom where the Spirit ministers to us even in our lack of understanding why. Thank you for being so real.

BTW love your new look!!

Kara Bird said...

Even though I'm reading this months after it was written, I needed it so badly today. Thank you Tami. You have no idea how huge this was for me today. Love you. Miss you.