You say in Proverbs, "When words are many, sin is not absent" and I know the more I write here, the more likely I am to fall. It scares me, Lord. I know people cannot hear my tone of voice as they read. They aren't able to clue into my body language or see the tears in my eyes. They don't know how long it takes to choose the right word or find words at all. They can't see how I agonize over being respectful and sensitive while trying to relay what You've put on my heart. There is no way for them to know how many words, paragraphs, posts are left out in an attempt to spare feelings.
But You know, Lord. You know my heart's intent. At the core of who I am is a woman who desperately wants to honor You and point others Your way, but I am human. Despite my best efforts, I will fail. I do fail. When words are many, sin is not absent. I have hurt people, Lord, not intentionally, but that doesn't make my heart hurt less. I have offended and will probably, unknowingly do it again. You know how that grieves me, Lord. So much so, that many days it does not seem worth the risk.
Yet something in me, something I sense as Your spirit will not let me rest if I quit. Even on my lowest days a questions haunts me. How do you tell God no?
So today, Lord, I ask You to go before me. I echo the words of Moses saying if Your presence does not go with me, do not send me. What else will distinguish me from all the other people on the face of the earth? Don't let me be self-indulgent, wasting words and time. Give me wisdom and discernment, grace and sensitivity.
Mostly, Lord, get me, this very ordinary woman, out of Your way. Speak to us, Lord. May those who come to this blog look past me to see You.
I love You, Lord. I want to be Your girl. Enable me to do so.
In Your Holy name I pray,