Thursday, November 05, 2009

But I Love You

Nothing really weighed on my heart that afternoon, unless you count the Bible study lesson I felt inadequate to lead. I wasn't sad or afraid or worried. Just a little tired and very aware of my imperfections.

I took advantage of a quiet vehicle all to myself for half an hour to worship God, singing my favorite choruses.

"There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like you do. I could search for all eternity long and find there is none like You."

"I worship You, Almighty God. There is none like You. I worship, O Prince of Peace. That is what I want to do. I give You praise, for You are my righteousness. I worship You, Almighty God. There is none like You."

"I love You, Lord, and I lift my voice to worship You, O my soul rejoice. Take joy, my King, in what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear."

"As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship Thee. You alone are my strength, my shield. To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship Thee."

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeing You as a precious jewel, Lord to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."

"Who are we, that You would be mindful of us? What do You see to keep looking our way? . . ."

Though I kept singing, my soul asked the questions over and over.

Who am I, Lord? What do You see? How can I be the right person for Your work?

In the middle of my singing, my heart was pricked with one sentence, catching my breath, bringing tears immediately.

But I LOVE you.

Me? This obsessive woman who thinks too much, feels too much, talks too much? Why? I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I just do it. I'm sure to mess up. I have before. I will again.

I felt acutely my smallness.

Suddenly I understood my Calvary, my curse, my cross.

I am human.

But I LOVE you.

And because He loves me, some day, when my life here is finished, I will be complete in Him. Until then, He will fill my holes with His spirit and use me. Isn't that the most incredible thought? He wants to use us, US, giving us a front row seat to His work?! And when an insignificant woman gets a little weary, the God of the universe, the Creator of all things, the all powerful, all knowing, eternal God who could change the whole world with a snap of His finger, takes a quiet moment to say,

But I LOVE you.

Incomprehensible, but true.

But I LOVE you.

That is all I need to trudge forward. Lead on, Lord. I will follow.


Caroline said...

What a wonderful meditation. It ministered to me in a deep way. Thank you. Yes He leads, we follow.

Jaime Kubik said...

SUCH good words! And words I needed to read this morning! I loved those praise songs! Thank you for reminded me that God loves me despite my inadequecies!!