The Summer Blues

It happens to me every year at this time.

Activities slowly dwindle. School dismisses. And I'm left feeling empty. I want to die down as the busyness does. I carry a general malaise, wishing to hide and ignore everybody, everything. I long to sleep and read and nothing else. I envy my kids who seem care free. I'm just tired, wondering if any of the things that fill my time matter, if they're worth the investment. I feel dry. Used up. Unmotivated. Uninspired.

The guilt for feeling this way compounds my problem. There's nothing for me to be depressed about. What kind of a whiny baby am I?

I take it to God and am honest about my feelings. He says nothing, just let's me get it out. And I keep doing the next thing though my heart's not in it. I go on like this for a week before I realize I'm missing His touch and a sense of His Spirit working in me.

"Why have you left me, God?" I ask. And He shows me this:

" . . . Be strong, all you people of the land," declares the Lord, "and work. For I am with you," declares the Lord Almighty. "This is what I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt. And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear."

Haggai 2:4-5

He tells me I'm just tired, to give myself a break, to remember He is with me always, even when I don't feel it. He says keep doing what you're doing until I tell you to stop. He says, "I know. I see."

And though I don't understand and don't really feel much better, I know what I must do. Be strong and work. Know His Spirit is with me. Do not fear.

It's enough to tackle some outdoor jobs I've put off, to cook a decent meal for my family, to spur me to write a blog post I don't want to write. And that is something, isn't it? Eventually these summer blues will pass. My job is to keep moving forward until they do.

Do you ever feel like this, questioning your significance, your place in life? Does the change of season put you into evaluation and degradation mode as it does me? Can you join me in doing what is right, regardless of how you feel?

Be strong and work.
Know His Spirit is with you.
Do not fear.


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Photo Credit: VisualTreats

Are You Looking For Rescue or Relationship?

In the dark of night, my restless soul convinces me problems are larger than life. Panic grips my heart and I'm quite certain I can't handle it. "Help, God! Lord, save me," I think. And I wait for His rescue.

He doesn't come, so I utter it again.

"Lord, You promise You'll be with me wherever I go. I need You now."

Peace doesn't flood my body.

"Are You coming, Lord? Where are You?"

Nothing. I expect Him to swoop in, to relieve my anxiety, and I really believe He can, but when He doesn't, I'm left struggling, floundering, disappointed.

Why doesn't He come?

Doesn't He say, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest?" (Matthew 11:28) I'm coming. I'm weary and burdened. Where is the rest?

Come: to move or travel toward

If I'm laying in bed waiting for His relief, how am I moving or traveling toward Him? Do I want the supernatural so I don't have to do anything? I'm calling out to Him, but is that truly coming? Am I asking Him to do all the work?

Am I seeking His rescue, but not Him?

When I pray out in desperation, I'm really asking for resolution quickly. What if He wants more for me? What if He'd rather let me suffer some for the sake of developing a relationship, an ongoing source of hope and peace? Does He withhold immediate relief so I keep coming back? Does He love me that much?

Which would you rather have--immediate rescue or permanent relationship?



Photo Credit: {Balazs}

What to Do When Life Chips Away

I worry about my kids, money, disappointing others, getting it all done.

Schedules demand. Needs abound. Responsibilities pull. Illness strikes. My heart tugs with "I should"s, bringing exhaustion when I try and guilt when I don't.

Annoyances like broken cars and unfair criticism and freak accidents and disappointing glitches leave a crack, oozing out confidence and trust.

I fret over making a difference, not wanting to waste my time here on earth, leaving a legacy and pleasing God, and all the while the devil taunts, whispering in my ear that it's not enough.

I plug along, doing the next thing, but before long I find myself going through the motions, performing out of obligation and sheer perseverance.

Where is the joy?!

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters . . .

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David.

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near . . .

Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,: declares the Lord.

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace . . .

Isaiah 55:1-3,6-8, 12
(emphases mine)

Perhaps it's time to expend my energy in a different way.

Come.
Listen.
Hear.
Seek.
Call.
Turn.

All verbs. All action. All doing.

But all GOD focused. All a refuge from life and its accompanying drainers. All a way to hide away and recharge.

Is life chipping away at you? Do you wonder where your joy is?

Come. Listen. Hear. Seek. Call. Turn.

And you WILL go out in joy and be led forth in peace.



Photo Credit: Center for Invasive Species Research

An Antidote for the Blues

I've been feeling a little world weary this week, tired of being human, tired of witnessing pain and struggle, tired.

God tells me the best way to handle world weariness is to do the next thing, to keep moving, so I do. Yesterday I followed my normal routine of going to the gym. I ran a couple of miles on the treadmill (sweating is supposed to boost the endorphins, right?), but while doing it watched a depressing movie illustrating the plight of mankind. It didn't help.

Looking outside, I noticed the weather matched my mood--dark, cloudy, misty. I've always liked rain (is it the melancholy in me that identifies?). The smell, the sound, the feel, all bring a sigh, a sense of comfort. A cloudy day makes me feel the same as hunkering down under a pile of blankets. And since God's been telling me to quit doing and just be with Him, I decided what better place to do so, than in nature.


The cool, moist air refreshed. The sights mesmerized.


I walked slow, breathed deeply, soaked it in. A short, solitary trek, surrounded by God's beauty soothed my spirit, reminded me how big He is. It was like God hit the pause button on the frenetic pace of life and whispered, "Shhh . . ."


Why do I put so much pressure on myself to do? Why can't I just be?


And don't you love the sidewalk covered in leaves? It matches this blog title perfectly. "I don't need to know where I'm going as long as God gives the next step."

Make it so, Lord. Thank You for a peaceful stroll with You, for the reminder that You are here. Thank You.


For more Thankful Thursday posts or to link up your own, visit Iris at Grace Alone.

Back to the Grind

I really don't want to write this post. I'd rather be stretched out on the couch watching t.v. with my cute husband.

Sigh.

Life has been a whirlwind since we returned from our lovely trip. We're back to activities every other night, me in my office, him in the living room on the nights we're actually home, making dinner and doing laundry and hoping I find the time to clean the house and taking kids to appointments and all our fall activities in full swing and short nights and early mornings and the necessity for caffeine.

You think I got too used to taking it easy?

The announcer on K-LOVE yesterday said her pastor made a good point in church Sunday. There's no use waiting for life slow down. It won't.

Boo. I thought that station was supposed to be positive and encouraging.

And yet, there's something exhilarating about a full life. I get to do a lot of cool things. Though I pine away for less to do, I enjoy relationships and contact with some amazing people. I see God at work.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10 :10

A full life is God's gift, His blessing, a chance for an intimate glimpse of God. If I begrudge it, do I allow Satan to worm his way into my head and convince me God isn't good?

I won't take that chance. I'll be happy for my lively life. I'll be thankful and press on. I won't complain, but do the next thing, trusting He'll help me get it all done. There's no need to worry over my schedule. This chicky's got God on her side.

Visit Melissa at Ingrafted Thoughts for more impressions of this quote.

Conquering Defeat

Melancholy hovers without reason.

I'm tired, tired of thinking, of striving, of planning, sick of my weaknesses, of worrying about others, of keeping myself in check, of fighting wrong thoughts, of squeezing every last ounce out of each day.

I know a portion of my battle is self-imposed, expectations I place on myself I would never put on others. Yet even those involve the power of suggestion from a higher source. The prince of darkness revels in my ability to defeat myself. My weary soul wants to say, "Whatever. I give up," but God, in His merciful way, steps in, whispering a soothing word.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

He tells me to shut off my brain, to stop trying to figure everything out.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

He gives me permission to rest. He says I don't have to be "on" at all times.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

He reminds me to enjoy His goodness and blessings, both big and small.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

He says, "I AM, so you don't have to be."

My spirit takes a deep breath and sighs. This is why He is called Father. And though I don't completely understand how to be still, I want to. I will remember it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose. I will stop pressing on in my own power. I will lean into Him as a child, trusting His plan.

And I will let Him do the fighting.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14

Photo Credit: woodleywonderworks

You know you're tired when. . .

your bed looks inviting at 9:AM.

though the bottle rests in your hand, you can't remember if you just put on perfume or not.

you yawn more than you blink.

you find yourself saying, "Now what?" after every other sentence spoken to you.

while sitting in church you forget what day it is.

you take a shower at 1:AM thinking it's morning.

everything, and I mean everything, even water running, is loud.

you find yourself enthralled with the toaster.

you cross your fingers putting on eyeliner.

you rest your eyes only to wake up wondering where you are and what day it is.


I know you've got more, friends. Let's have a little fun and fess up!

I See Your Hurt

I watch you and I know you aren't right. Your eyes reveal sadness, weariness, hurt, but I don't know how to help. Honestly, I don't quite understand your pain, but I want to. I ask God what you need, what I can do. I want to see you smile again, to be relieved of your burden. I want to wrap you in my arms and whisper in your ear, "Hold on. Have courage. There is a reason. God is working."

You inspire me with your efforts and your desire to be more for God. I see in you a treasured, beautiful woman, unique and loved and special, NOT forgotten, overlooked or unimportant. You are not being punished. God is chipping away at you to reveal a diamond, all in His perfect timing.

I notice you and though I have no magic words, I care. I pray. I ask for wisdom in knowing how to help. And though I may not say it enough, I love you. I'm proud of you for pushing forward, for persevering, for admitting to your struggle. In doing so, you find help in others. I look forward to glimpses of the masterpiece God is creating in you.

Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

He sees. He knows. He is working. He WILL overcome.

Hang on.

Are you struggling? Do you need someone in your corner, someone to talk to? Can I pray for you?

You are wholly and dearly loved, my friend. Believe it.

Life is Hard, but God is Good

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult – once we truly understand and accept it – then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”

M. Scott Peck
The Road Less Traveled

I'm not buying this quote. Life is difficult. Period. Knowing it is difficult is no help at all. Knowing life is difficult does not comfort me when I can't sleep worrying about one of my kids or money or how we'll ever get everything done. Knowing life is difficult does not soothe my grief over lost loved ones or stupid comments I made. Knowing life is difficult does not help me deal with a struggling child or looming deadline. It does not provide the wisdom or inspiration necessary to comfort a friend. Knowing life is difficult accomplishes one purpose.

It establishes my need for an all-powerful, all-knowing, merciful, loving God.

Jesus said,"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

He said, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

He tells me, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Only in my reliance in Jesus and His Word am I soothed and comforted. Only in Him do I find strength and motivation for each day.

Knowing life is difficult means nothing.

Knowing Jesus Christ is everything.

For more interpretations of this quote, visit Nina at Mama's Little Treasures.

But I Love You

Nothing really weighed on my heart that afternoon, unless you count the Bible study lesson I felt inadequate to lead. I wasn't sad or afraid or worried. Just a little tired and very aware of my imperfections.

I took advantage of a quiet vehicle all to myself for half an hour to worship God, singing my favorite choruses.

"There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like you do. I could search for all eternity long and find there is none like You."

"I worship You, Almighty God. There is none like You. I worship, O Prince of Peace. That is what I want to do. I give You praise, for You are my righteousness. I worship You, Almighty God. There is none like You."

"I love You, Lord, and I lift my voice to worship You, O my soul rejoice. Take joy, my King, in what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear."

"As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship Thee. You alone are my strength, my shield. To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship Thee."

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeing You as a precious jewel, Lord to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."

"Who are we, that You would be mindful of us? What do You see to keep looking our way? . . ."

Though I kept singing, my soul asked the questions over and over.

Who am I, Lord? What do You see? How can I be the right person for Your work?

In the middle of my singing, my heart was pricked with one sentence, catching my breath, bringing tears immediately.

But I LOVE you.

Me? This obsessive woman who thinks too much, feels too much, talks too much? Why? I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I just do it. I'm sure to mess up. I have before. I will again.

I felt acutely my smallness.

Suddenly I understood my Calvary, my curse, my cross.

I am human.

But I LOVE you.

And because He loves me, some day, when my life here is finished, I will be complete in Him. Until then, He will fill my holes with His spirit and use me. Isn't that the most incredible thought? He wants to use us, US, giving us a front row seat to His work?! And when an insignificant woman gets a little weary, the God of the universe, the Creator of all things, the all powerful, all knowing, eternal God who could change the whole world with a snap of His finger, takes a quiet moment to say,

But I LOVE you.

Incomprehensible, but true.

But I LOVE you.

That is all I need to trudge forward. Lead on, Lord. I will follow.

Surviving This Life of Grief

I miss my son. It's silly, I know. I saw him Saturday and he lives less than an hour away, but still I miss him and the ability to fix his problems or ease his stress level. I want to take care of everything for him the way I did when he was little, but I can't and I shouldn't. He has to learn to be an adult on his own, but it hurts my heart to know he will have struggles like we all do. I grieve his loss of childhood. And I miss him.

I dread what the next few years brings. In two, too short years, our daughter will join her brother into young adulthood and move out of our house. Just the thought puts a pit in my stomach and fills my eyes with tears. I have to let four children go. I want them to experience all life has to offer and am excited to see what God has planned for them, but my heart just can't take it, this gradual pilgrimage of my children out into the world. It feels like we've started a slow leak that leads to my heart becoming flat. I know it's part of life and natural and that good things will come from it, but every child's exodus will start another grieving process.

Then I hear of friends having cancer and losing their jobs and couples splitting up and kids who've lost their way and I'm aware in any tough circumstance, people grieve for what was, for the safety of before. It's hard to live in this world, this cruel place, full of pain and changes. Today is one of those days I'm not sure I have it in me to be here a lifetime. Today I fully recognize my need for power beyond what I have and I cling to my only life line.

Forever God is faithful.

He will supply what we need.

Forever God is strong.

He will lift us above the muck.

Forever God is with us.

We never walk alone.

Forever.

Forever.

We will make it, friends. If we lay our hearts into the hands of a merciful, compassionate God, we will make it through. Besides, what is the alternative? I know I don't have it in me to do it alone. I choose to latch onto THE source of strength, the same power which has comforted generations.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:19-23)

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. Because of the Lord's great love, we will survive this life of grief and move on to something beyond our imagination.

Forever God is faithful.
Forever God is strong.
Forever God is with us.
Forever.
Forever.

Blasted Hormones

It truly isn't fair, is it ladies?

This constant hormonal fluctuation makes me crazy. One day I'm fine, the next I'm weepy about the milk being gone. I can be Momzilla or June Cleaver. My husband is Superman or the most insensitive, self-centered sap on the face of the earth. Up five pounds or down five pounds depending on the week. If I have to deal with acne in my forties, shouldn't I get out of cramps? My kids are fantastic or conspiring an evil plot against me. I'm on my game or can't think straight at all. The gray hairs I pull are gray on the end, black in the middle, then gray again at the root. My face is in a constant state of little eruptions. Some nights sleep is elusive. My hair can be soft and luxurious or as lifeless as straw. One day I'll feel flexible and agile, the next a bloated, blobby mess of a thing. My head can be pounding for days and the only solution is for the dam to break already. I like myself or I'm disgusting. I can do anything or who the heck do I think I am? I can't decide if I should kill 'em with kindness or just kill 'em.

I know I'm not alone. I can see it in the rest of you too, those days you'd love to tell your kids to take a flying leap, the mornings you're sitting in a cloud of grrr, the way you drag yourself into church and try to be nice to everybody. I hear your sighs and agitated tone. I can read between the lines of your Facebook status. I watch the mad dash for chocolate.

Can any good come from this? One thing is certain. My hormones make me needy, needy for a Savior.

But I'd rather put the smack down on Eve.

As soon as I take my Pamprin.

Hang tough, friends. We're in this together.

Resisting by Enduring

1:08 a.m.

1:57 a.m.

2:41 a.m.

She knew what was happening. Every time she did this, she knew where to place the blame.

Satan.

And yet, she felt helpless. She prayed and dozed off, only to have a random noise wake her and start the cycle again. She whispered Jesus' name in the dark. She interceded for everyone she knew. She meditated on Bible verses. She tried not letting her mind wander.

3:23 a.m.

The thoughts keeping her awake remained. Her heart continued its increased pace.

The Bible says, "Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

She wondered. How do you push back a feeling? How do you put aside anxiety? How do you eliminate worry? How do you resist restlessness?

4:12 a.m.

She wanted God to swoop in and rescue her and sometimes He did, but not always. Often He let her work through it for a while on her own. She understood there would be more nights like this ahead. She would struggle again. Why?

She is learning to endure. It is essential for her growth. It will take practice. It is not fun, not by any means, but it is of great value and necessary. Enduring cultivates humility, strength, grace.

And trust.

When she can't see past the problem, when comfort is elusive, when answers aren't forthcoming, the only thing left is trust.

4:49 a.m.

Morning will come. She will be fine. She will learn. Eventually.

And she'll be better for it.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

1 Peter 5:8-11

Tired

I'm feeling pretty tired tonight, hard-to-keep-my-eyes-open-probably-should-call-it-a-night-but-it-seems-like-too-much-effort-to-drag-myself-to-bed tired.

Yet, I am content and genuinely happy, droopy eyes and all.

Being tired means I am well used by God. Aaah...

Thank You, Lord. You are good.


Visit other Thankful Thursday participants at Grace Alone...

Plugging In

So much to do. Every minute of every day accounted for. My life is full and I am truly thankful, but this day I need an energizing word from you, Lord. I'm losing steam. I need your touch.

God, can you pump me up?

The Lord God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Your words are a lullaby, soothing my spirit, quieting my soul. When I expect a "Here we go, Tami, here we go" shot in the arm, something about perseverance and pushing ahead and running the race, you simply say, "Come here. Be still." You don't put a hand to my back, propelling me forward. You make me take a deep breath. You slow me down. You put wind in my sails as I sit in your presence. You are my source of energy.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace.

Visit Iris at Sting my Heart for more Thankful Thursday posts.

The dreary weather permeates my pores and seeps into my spirit. The rain reproduces the mud I think should have dried up by now. Puddles reflect things I'd rather forget so I tiptoe around them to avoid murky waters. Though I know something better lies beyond them, clouds prevent me from seeing clearly. The dark skies bid me to hide and I gratefully oblige.

But tomorrow is a new day. And though sometimes I wish for time to stand still, this day I am glad it marches on.

Thank You, Lord.

For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Iris.

Taking the next step

She awoke weary from the battle. "Some days it does not seem worth it," she thought. Disheartened by the realization that life would go on whether she made her contribution to the world or not, she wondered if her work mattered and yet she knew she had no choice but to press on.

"I need an attitude adjustment, Lord," she prayed and then began flipping through her Bible.

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. . .

Repentance.

Rest.

Quietness.

Trust.

Her spirit took a deep breath. The words coaxed a new spark into her heart and a small break appeared in her clouds. She had been heard and answered.

"Forgive me, Lord, for my self-centeredness," she muttered as she understood everything she did was a response to His compassion, her offering to a very good God, "Still my heart. My strength comes from You alone. I love You. I will follow."

And she began her day.



Visit lori to see how other people are delighting in the details.

A Prayer

Lord, I feel weary, not tired, weary. My head is spinning with everything that needs to be done. There are phone calls I should make and a living room to paint and a birthday party to plan and laundry to do and appointments to be set up and an open house to get ready for and a script to finish and homework to help with and Bible study preparations and blog posts to work on and a family to feed and cleaning and. . .why is my spirit so uneasy this morning? It is still and quiet. I even got up extra early today, but the stillness does not soothe me. I need Your peace.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.

Keep talking, Lord.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

That's what I'm trying to do, Lord.

. . .let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus. . .

Okay. . .I'm listening.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Mmm. . .thank You, Lord. One thing at a time. Guide me through this day. I love You.


Visit Sting My Heart to read other Thankful Thursday posts.

Weary of the Journey

"We are urgent about the body; He is about the soul. We call for present comforts; He considers our everlasting rest. And therefore when He sends not the very things we ask, He hears us by sending greater than we can ask or think."

~ Richard Cecil ~

I'm feeling grouchy today.

And weary.

And downright depressed.

Can I be honest? I'm tired of God's training program. I don't feel cut out for it. There is too much pain on earth, too much to worry about, too many people with needs, too much to do. I completely understand living here is God's way of preparing us for heaven, but what do you do when you're ready to leave earth, when it feels like you don't have the guts for it anymore? Honestly, if I didn't feel such responsibility for my kids, I'd beg Him to take me home now.

But God is all-knowing. He KNOWS we're going to feel like this sometimes. He knows us so much better than we know ourselves. So I wonder, how does this pain prepare us for eternity? How does this make our souls ready for an everlasting future with Him?

There is no way to know. Dang, that chaps my hide!!!! Yet again, God says, "Trust Me." Hmm. . .a moment of decision. Of course I will choose Christ. Because I love God so much and know life without Him would be unbearable, I will trust Him. I will believe He is working for my best. I will anticipate with great longing my eternal home, but I can't give up here. I will keep doing what He has asked me to do. I will reach for Him in my darkness and press on in His grace.

Sing a little chorus with me to our Lord, would you?

"There is none like You.
No one else can touch my heart like You do.
I could search for all eternity long and find
there is none like You."

He is worth the pain. He is my sustainer. I will get through. Thank You, Lord Jesus.




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