I knew why boys overlooked me. I saw it in the mirror every day of my life. I was nice enough, but not attractive enough. I understood their apathy toward me, but it didn't take away my desire for a relationship. It didn't make me stop wishing for one guy to see past my outer flaws. Knowing why boys didn't look my way didn't take away my yearning for a husband.
I spent many hours alone in my bedroom asking God why. Why did He let me be overweight? Why did I have to be so uncomfortable around boys? Why did I have to feel so unattractive? Why couldn't any guys see the real me? Why did I have to be limited by my appearance? Why did I have to live with a sister everyone wanted to date? Why couldn't I feel normal for one day?
“In the darkest of our times, God is plotting for our glory. If we would believe this and remember it, we would not be blind when God reveals His grace.”
~ by John Piper ~
A Sweet and Bitter Providence: Sex, Race, and the Sovereignty of God
I scoured my Bible for answers. It said, "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" and "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" and "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."*
Concluding it would take a miracle for any man to look beyond my shell to find the good qualities within, I started praying, believing God could do the impossible, knowing if it was going to happen, only He could do it. I trusted God to be who He said He was. I chose to believe.
And God, in His gracious, abundant, miraculous way, answered my prayer over and above what I asked. He provided a man who appreciates ALL of me. Those lonely days in my bedroom seem MORE than worth it for the lifetime of joy I know now with my wonderful husband.
Would I have appreciated my husband as much without the darkness of longing? Would I work as hard at my marriage without recognizing it as a miracle? Would I understand the glorious Truth of His Word without being tested to believe it? Would I have experienced His lavish grace without having felt deprived of it?
Truly He knows what brings about our best and His glory. When God seems unfair, we have a choice to make. We can fight our dark days, thinking Him an unfeeling dictator. Or we can move on in hope, believing Him, expecting His deliverance. We can trust our imperfect eyesight or His all-knowing, perfect path.
What will you choose?
For more thoughts on this quote, visit Loni at Writing Canvas.
*Romans 8:28, Psalm 37:4, Matthew 21:22