Tuesday, March 22, 2011

When God Seems Unfair

I knew why boys overlooked me. I saw it in the mirror every day of my life. I was nice enough, but not attractive enough. I understood their apathy toward me, but it didn't take away my desire for a relationship. It didn't make me stop wishing for one guy to see past my outer flaws. Knowing why boys didn't look my way didn't take away my yearning for a husband.

I spent many hours alone in my bedroom asking God why. Why did He let me be overweight? Why did I have to be so uncomfortable around boys? Why did I have to feel so unattractive? Why couldn't any guys see the real me? Why did I have to be limited by my appearance? Why did I have to live with a sister everyone wanted to date? Why couldn't I feel normal for one day?

“In the darkest of our times, God is plotting for our glory. If we would believe this and remember it, we would not be blind when God reveals His grace.”

~ by John Piper ~
A Sweet and Bitter Providence: Sex, Race, and the Sovereignty of God

I scoured my Bible for answers. It said, "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" and "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" and "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."*

Concluding it would take a miracle for any man to look beyond my shell to find the good qualities within, I started praying, believing God could do the impossible, knowing if it was going to happen, only He could do it. I trusted God to be who He said He was. I chose to believe.

And God, in His gracious, abundant, miraculous way, answered my prayer over and above what I asked. He provided a man who appreciates ALL of me. Those lonely days in my bedroom seem MORE than worth it for the lifetime of joy I know now with my wonderful husband.

Would I have appreciated my husband as much without the darkness of longing? Would I work as hard at my marriage without recognizing it as a miracle? Would I understand the glorious Truth of His Word without being tested to believe it? Would I have experienced His lavish grace without having felt deprived of it?

Truly He knows what brings about our best and His glory. When God seems unfair, we have a choice to make. We can fight our dark days, thinking Him an unfeeling dictator. Or we can move on in hope, believing Him, expecting His deliverance. We can trust our imperfect eyesight or His all-knowing, perfect path.

What will you choose?

For more thoughts on this quote, visit Loni at Writing Canvas.

*Romans 8:28, Psalm 37:4, Matthew 21:22


Derek A Cozine said...

I love this one!

it gives me a lot of hope for my future as well.

I was thinking the whole way through this post that i am glad to know you. I appreciate your presence in my life, even though we don't talk all that much :)

Marsha Young said...

"when God seems unfair we have a choice to make" - yes, we do.

I am glad that you made the choice you made. And I am grateful that God gave me a chance to make a better choice than I would have made without his grace in my life.

God bless you - Marsha

Miriam Pauline said...

He truly does know what will bring about our best. I just need to not fight against it. To choose not to fight against it. Great post my friend.

Lynn said...

Oh Tami,

What a vulnerable and very real post. Just made me want to jump through my computer screen and hug you and hubby.

Always, you fill me up. Thank you.

Karen said...

"God knows what brings about our best and His glory." Praise the Lord that is very true, we just need to trust Him. Walking in the dark does make us appreciate more the things in the light. We're interesting creatures aren't we? Ha Ha. Thanks for the great post and thoughts within it.

Loni said...

Tami ~ The picture of you & your husband - you are GLOWING! Thank you for sharing today! Hugs!

D.J. Hughes said...

Tami, this is a powerful message. Thank you for sharing from a place of honesty and vulnerability.

And I must say, I think you're beautiful - inside and out!

Cin said...

Wonderful post.
You spoke from a place I know all too well.
Thank you for your words, Friend.