Stupid Small Stuff

All morning tears brimmed, awaiting the slightest bump to spill. I went through the motions anyway, because isn't that what pushing through is about, but the nagging feeling didn't leave.

Why is there always something to worry about, someone to be concerned over? Why is there so much pain on earth? Why so many struggles and trials? In any direction you find it, people grieving, struggling with relationships and jobs and the past. The stories are heartbreaking and I ache in sympathy. Where is the victorious living God promises?

I know I'm tired, so I try to shake off the melancholy. I get in the shower, determined to press on, to do the next thing, to endure and praise through the funk, but as the song exits my mouth, tears fall and I feel ashamed. Most of the world would find standing in a hot shower a luxury, yet I had the audacity to cry in mine. I am not facing illness or bankruptcy or rebellious kids. I'm not having to care for disabled family members or work a job I hate or say good bye to a loved one. Why do the little things weigh me down? Why do they eat away at me, keeping me awake at night, stealing my joy? Where is my trust, my reliance on God? Where is the peace?

Is it because I don't want to bother God with my small stuff? The big things bring me to my knees immediately, but the small stuff I putter around with, thinking I can handle it or should be able to handle it without divine intervention. So while pride tells me to muddle through on my own, the small stuff stacks up and wears me down.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

He cares for you. Cast ALL your anxiety on Him. Not just the big stuff. Not just the stuff you aren't sure you can handle. ALL your stuff, big, little, huge or teeny. ALL of it.

I'm preaching to myself. How I need to learn this lesson! If I bring ALL my junk to Him, maybe the small stuff won't bite me in the butt.

Excuse me, I've got some praying to do.