Friday, October 14, 2011

7 Quick Takes (Volume 154)

1) Ladies Man: Did you wake me up this morning?

Me: Yes. I was in there twice--at 6:45 and 7:10.

Ladies Man: Yeah, well I woke up at 7:16. Hey, did you notice my room was cleaner?

Me (racking my brain to figure out what world he's living in): Uh, no.

Ladies Man: Well, I couldn't sleep so at 3:AM I finally just flipped on the light and started putting stuff in my drawers, which is surprising.

Me (wanting to say, "VERY surprising," but using self-control): Sorry, I couldn't tell.

Ladies Man: That one spot was a LOT cleaner!

Oh, the one SPOT. Oh, I should have been able to see that among the hundred other spots that weren't clean. Really?!

2) I made a thrilling discovery yesterday! I was walking Miss Innocent One into the middle school and caught my reflection in the door. For the first time in 47 YEARS OF LIVING, I noticed my thighs weren't touching. For some of you this may seem like a stupid thing to be excited about, but for those of you, like me, who have lived your life being bottom heavy, no explanation of the joy of that sight will be necessary. I spent every summer as a kid with heat rash on my inner thighs from sweaty flesh rubbing against itself. Ew. And ouch. This is truly a victory, people. Maybe this running torture I've been putting myself through is having a positive effect. Or it may have just been the jeans I was wearing, but hey, I'm still counting it. Mark it down, friends. I, Tami Boesiger, had one glorious day when daylight was seen between my thighs. Hallelujah, amen and praise the Lord!

3) I'm wondering where Drama Queen's attention was in health class. She apparently was not fully there when reproductive systems were discussed. First we had the mix-up with her father having a hysterectomy and now this:

Ladies Man: Did you know that testicular cancer is actually more common than breast cancer?

Drama Queen: You mean like prosthetic cancer?

Kevin: PROSTHETIC cancer? You mean prostate cancer?

Drama Queen: Oh, yeah, I guess.

Kevin: Yeah, that prosthetic cancer is deadly. It'll eat right through your artificial leg.

Drama Queen: Shut up. And don't put this on the blog.

Me: Oh, you know I have to.

Sorry, Drama Queen. It was just too funny not to mention!

4) Miss Innocent One has always been a kid who needs her protein. The minute she starts to get hungry she gets a headache and if she doesn't eat anything right away, she'll get nauseous. Eating chips or a cookie or junk food makes it worse. I've found when I feed her some source of protein she perks right up. In my search for quick, appealing protein sources for the girl, she suggested these.

I thought this a great idea until I wandered to the checkout and saw how much they were for a bag of mini cheeses. Those puppies cost nearly a buck apiece!

Miss Innocent One (always sensing when her mother is second-guessing herself): Thanks for my special cheeses, Mom.

Except with a mouth full of cheese, it sounded more like, "Shanks for my speshul cheeshesh, Mom."

And since then we've dubbed the little guys our "speshul cheeshesh." It is appropriate as she's the only one in the house who eats them, although it leaves me open to be criticized by my other kids.

"Oh sure, only Perfect Baby Angel Child would get her own 'speshul cheeshesh.' You never bought me any 'speshul cheeshesh.' How come she's the only one with 'speshul cheeshesh?'"

Now, after reading all that, can you say special cheeses without a lisp?

5) I'm becoming slightly worried about Drummer Boy. This week on Facebook he's posted weird videos. One was two minutes of filming a friend behind his back and thinking it was super funny while nothing, and I mean NOTHING happened. The guy was just studying. I wanted to post a comment about the time being better spent actually copying the friend (studying!) instead of filming him, but I feared him striking me from his friend list for such a lame, mother response. On the other hand, that is what's expected from mothers, right? Hmm. Must give that some thought.

He must consider the fact that I may catch some of these videos though, because another was him "being emo," and he gave the disclaimer that he wasn't depressed. He probably knew I'd be the worried mother checking up on him otherwise. So, thank you, Drummer Boy, for sparing me further anxiety. I understand the video was a creative way for people to hear your music. Nice work. And I think you are very talented. Keep studying!

6) Ladies Man: Did you know in Japan they give their kids a limited number of ketchup packets? They only get like two or something.

He proceeds to squirt no less than 1/2 CUP of ketchup on his hot dog.

Ladies Man: This is why we live in America, Mom.

Silly me. I thought it had something to do with freedom.

7) All our kids have fall breaks next week, but not at the same time. Our college kids get Monday and Tuesday off. Our other kids get Wednesday through Friday off. And the parents get NO days off. Boo. I think I'll take my "speshul cheeshesh" and go pout in a corner.

Hope you have a terrific weekend, my friends. Take a gander at more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.


Kathleen Basi said...

Light between your thighs = Hallelujah! You are an inspiration to me. Hey, I'm 30 weeks pregnant and haven't given up running yet. :)

Tami Boesiger said...

Kathleen--SO FUNNY! We're commenting on each other's Quick Takes at the same time and I did mention your running! You go girl!

e-Mom said...

LOL, every thigh victory is a big victory. Well done!