It happens to me every year at this time.
Activities slowly dwindle. School dismisses. And I'm left feeling empty. I want to die down as the busyness does. I carry a general malaise, wishing to hide and ignore everybody, everything. I long to sleep and read and nothing else. I envy my kids who seem care free. I'm just tired, wondering if any of the things that fill my time matter, if they're worth the investment. I feel dry. Used up. Unmotivated. Uninspired.
The guilt for feeling this way compounds my problem. There's nothing for me to be depressed about. What kind of a whiny baby am I?
I take it to God and am honest about my feelings. He says nothing, just let's me get it out. And I keep doing the next thing though my heart's not in it. I go on like this for a week before I realize I'm missing His touch and a sense of His Spirit working in me.
"Why have you left me, God?" I ask. And He shows me this:
He tells me I'm just tired, to give myself a break, to remember He is with me always, even when I don't feel it. He says keep doing what you're doing until I tell you to stop. He says, "I know. I see."" . . . Be strong, all you people of the land," declares the Lord, "and work. For I am with you," declares the Lord Almighty. "This is what I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt. And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear."
Haggai 2:4-5
And though I don't understand and don't really feel much better, I know what I must do. Be strong and work. Know His Spirit is with me. Do not fear.
It's enough to tackle some outdoor jobs I've put off, to cook a decent meal for my family, to spur me to write a blog post I don't want to write. And that is something, isn't it? Eventually these summer blues will pass. My job is to keep moving forward until they do.
Do you ever feel like this, questioning your significance, your place in life? Does the change of season put you into evaluation and degradation mode as it does me? Can you join me in doing what is right, regardless of how you feel?
Be strong and work.
Know His Spirit is with you.
Do not fear.
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1 comment:
The more I read, the more I feel kindred with you on so many levels. My struggles right now are exactly as you are describing. The Lord keeps encouraging me to "Seek His Face". So I continue to listen and be patient, and tell Him everything. Bless you, Tami
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