Not what can I do. How. How can I represent You instead of myself? How can I make everything, every activity, every word, every action about You? How can my puny efforts matter in Your eternity?
How can I do
- my family,
How can an ordinary woman from Nebraska make a difference in Your kingdom? What can I possibly do that thousands couldn't do better? How do I make this life count?
I know I'm supposed to work at everything with all my heart, "as working for the Lord, not for men." I know I must die to myself. I know I'm not to look for the approval of men. But how does that help me decide the best way to spend the next half hour? How do I work hard at relationships and on my gifts at the same time? How do I fit it all in? How do I figure out what's most important?
All this thinking and planning and evaluating is exhausting and leads me to wonder, really, how can my work, my life, matter that much, both in this world and to You? I am one person in a planet full of people, many more skilled than I.
Yet Your words reverberate in my mind . . . I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, "You are my servant"; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.*
I know You spoke these words to the Israelites, Your chosen people, yet they always stir me, as if You're speaking directly to me. I want it to be true for me. Oh, how I want that. Could You really have a special plan for me, for each of Your children? Can You be big enough to accomplish that? I can't comprehend it, but I don't have to.
I just have to believe it.
For when I believe it, I look for You to make it so.
Is it as easy as aligning myself with You, Lord? Is it throwing "off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles," and running "with perseverance the race marked out for us"? Is it merely fixing "our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith"? Is it a matter of coming to You each day and waiting for an assignment?
How can I do for You, God?
I think You tell me to draw near, to come to You with expectation and hope.
And let YOU do it.
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up.
James 4:8, 10
I will believe, Lord. Make it so.