I was drawn to Christianity when Pastor Jeambey said God had a special plan for my life. I wanted that. Oh, how I wanted that. I wanted to be more than what I perceived I was. I wanted my life to have divine purpose. Somehow that meant I was special too.
I've held onto that idea since I was a teenager. And God has proven Himself faithful. I trusted He had things under control and would bring about what was best for me. I don't doubt He's got me covered.
But sometimes (I'm almost scared to say it), sometimes I don't like the plan.
Sometimes the plan seems awful and I'm not sure how I'll live through it. Sometimes it requires pain, lots of it, and I don't understand. Sometimes the plan robs my sleep and steals my joy and makes me do things alone. It puts a sick feeling in my stomach and produces buckets of tears. It takes my people away and stomps on my dreams and leaves me feeling confused and bewildered.
Sometimes the plan just sucks and there's nothing I can do about it.
Yet I have to believe it's for my best. Because if I don't, how do I get out of bed in the morning? How do I face each day thinking God's got it out for me? How do I ever find peace and joy and gratitude for hidden blessings?
I have to believe His plan is best. I have to. Call it naiveté or foolishness if you want, but doesn't trusting God help us cope? Does believing He's on the job, even though you hate what's happening, give hope? Can He use that trust to mold something beautiful into us? When I don't like the plan, won't blaming Him make it worse?
I have to assume His way will be something I am thankful for eventually. And though it may take my heart a while to catch up, that's okay. The believing helps me move on, keeps me going, and strengthens my faith.
I'm reminded of an old song by Babbie Mason. If you're struggling with God's plan for you right now, I pray this touches your heart.
When you don't like the plan, trust His heart, friend. Remember who He is and believe beyond all belief that He'll work it out for good somehow. The first verse I ever memorized was Proverbs 3:5-6. Thirty-five years later it's still a life line for me in days when I hate the plan.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
God is good. And He is faithful. Even when we don't understand.