This Week's Thoughts

It's Friday!! Time for the Quick Takes meme. Be sure to visit Jennifer F. to see the musings of others.

(1) Life does not slow down. Ever. There is always something that fills the time. When will I learn that?

When I visited my grandmother in her later years, I could sense her feeling exactly the opposite, wondering how she would fill the time, wishing for something to break up the hours she spent alone. I try to remind myself of that when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Though it seems unlikely now, someday I may pray for something to do.

(2) I've had a sick kid again this week. Poor guy has struggled all fall. I feel sorry for him and have tried hard to be supportive and compassionate, but MAN it wears me out, which makes me feel guilty...oh brother, you see where I'm going again. Moving on...

(3) All the chicks are in the nest for a few weeks and an ice storm in our neck of the woods kept us all at home last night. Is there any other way to say "Aaaah...."?

(4) I have been very aware of my own inability this week to bring people to Jesus. As much as I want to, as hard as I try to make Christ relevant and applicable to lives, I can't. Only God can turn the light on. The waiting, my impatience with God and confusion over how He works, makes me cognizant of my humanity.

Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay
close by me forever and love me, I pray.
Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care
and take us to heaven to live with Thee there.

Amen, Jesus.

(5) I'm still not enjoying the "Christmas season." I'm merely surviving it, making lists and remaking lists and running and planning and...ugh. Would an earlier start on things help? The wimpy part of me thinks the best solution is a cruise or exotic vacation every December. I know, I know. Buck up, Tam. Just get the job done. But is this the right attitude to have regarding the greatest event in history besides Christ's resurrection? Is it unrealistic of me to wish only to be a shepherd watching baby Jesus in the dark stillness of night? Doesn't that sound great? How can I do that?

(6) One of the things I really hate about this season is the question, "What do you want for Christmas?" I know it is helpful for people wanting to purchase a gift you will enjoy, but it makes us start thinking about all the things we want. Is that healthy? We're all perfectly content until we have to have an answer for "What do you want for Christmas?" Suddenly we need, we want, we dream for "things" we normally wouldn't think about. Something's not right about that. This is why I struggle this time of year. I don't like what it does to us.

(7) The gift of Jesus is so hard to comprehend. I am thankful for a better appreciation of it this year since my realization that God uses our pain for others. I've been pondering this week if true love for others necessitates loss. If I embrace my own loss, those things God answered with a "no," and understand how He used it for the benefit of others, I gain a better understanding of the Father's pain in sending His Son to earth. Last week I grieved an old hurt again as God revealed this reason for his "no"--it was for others. It didn't seem quite fair or worth it, but I know He has sacrificed much more. So many, SO MANY people don't understand the significance of Jesus, don't recognize such great love, even dismissing it as fairy tale, yet God gave anyway in hopes of bringing a few to Him. How that must hurt, and yet He loves us so much He found it worth it. Can you wrap your head around that at all? Wow. It's truly mind-boggling.

It's made me want to go through all the pain in my life and see how it may have been used for His plan. I want to feel the hurt again to understand how He must have felt becoming human, knowing this Ultimate Gift would be rejected by some. It puts a pit in my stomach to think about such sacrifice. God thought it worth it just for me, for you. Who are we, Lord, that You would be mindful of us?


Ponder that this Christmas, my friends. Feel your losses and better understand His. To God be the glory.

Lessons from Grandma

After my grandma's stroke, she lost her speech. She was confined to two words, "Hey" and "No". It made family gatherings interesting. As my mom and aunt talked in front of her, she would recall some news they my might be interested in hearing. The scene would look something like this:

"Have you talked with Mary lately?"

"Hey," Grandma says, pointing their way.

"You've talked to her?" Mom asks.

"No," Grandma points in my direction.

"Tami's talked to her?!"

"No" Grandma points to me and then my mother.

"Her daughter? Something about her daughter?" my aunt deduces.

Grandma nods.

"What about her daughter?"

Grandma motions for a piece of paper and tries writing something down, but since her right hand is paralyzed, she uses her left and has never quite mastered it. What appears on paper is hard to produce and even more difficult to read.

My mom and aunt pore over the paper. "Chu...church? Does it say church?"

Grandma smiles and nods.

"Is she getting married?"

"No."

"Working there?"

Grandma bobs her head, indicating they're close.

"Teaching Sunday school, mowing the lawn, scrubbing toilets?"

"No, no, no."

One of the guys walks through the kitchen and she points at him, then to the paper she's scribbled "church" on.

"Dave knows Mary's daughter from church?"

"No," Grandma continues pointing from my uncle to her paper.

"Dave goes to church...yes."

"No, no." She points to my uncle, then to the next room where the men sit.

"Man? Do you mean man?"

Grandma nods.

"Mary's daughter met a man at church?"

"No..."

"Mary's daughter was with a man at church?"

"No..."

"Mary's daughter IS a man at church?"

At this they all giggle so hard, tears stream down their cheeks.

And this guessing game, this form of charades with no possibility of cheating would happen frequently at family gatherings. Often it would end with Grandma shaking her head, waving a hand in front of herself as if to say "forget it." She'd take a deep breath and resign herself to the fact her daughters didn't get the message, tears still glistening in her eyes. Someone would change the subject to cover her embarrassment and conversation would go on, without her input.

How many of us can relate? Have you ever felt like my grandma--awkward, misunderstood, ignored? Do you try to communicate, feeling like you're speaking a different language? I'm guilty. Often I find it easier to be like Grandma, to sit in silence, nod my head and smile, assuming they won't get my drift anyway.

Why does it seem harder to share ourselves with some than others? Are we afraid they'll expose us, knowing who we have been and where we've come from? Do we think they'll always view us a certain way, leaving no room for growth? Do we do the same to them? Do we unfairly assume they won't understand?

Sometimes what I want to say is, "I'm sorry I haven't called you. I think about you often and pray for you every day," but what comes out is, "Hey, how are you doing?" There are some people in my life I want to shake and say, "I don't understand why you do the stuff you do, but I still love you," yet I never tell them so. Why do I let it go on status quo, never rocking the boat or saying what I really think? Why do I sit in silence and accept the awkwardness as normal?

And yet I realize my grandma can be a picture of how God tries to communicate with us too. Not that He can't get the words out, but that His language is beyond us. He can give us clues and try to tell us. He can point to things and try spelling it out, but we just can't get it.

Do you think He sheds tears out of silliness and frustration too? Do you think it's hard for Him to sit there, knowing we misinterpret Him? How does He handle our lack of understanding?

He tries again.

He doesn't give up.

He loves whether we get it or not.

So I must too. I need to take a deep breath and give it another shot in those relationships that are difficult for me. Love requires me to, even if the other party doesn't understand.

Lord, give me the courage.

Quick Takes Quotations

I'm putting a little spin on my quick takes today and posting seven memorable quotes I heard this week. Enjoy (or cringe or feel sorry for me or whatever).

(1) My thirteen-year-old son used the word "hot" in conversation and I jumped on it. "What is 'hot' to you?" I asked. He thought for a minute and said, "Gorgeous eyes...luscious hair...and she has to be nice...and a Christian...and smart." I'm not quite sure what luscious hair is, but I'm pretty happy about the other qualities. At least he's not focused on any body parts beginning with "B" yet.

(2) "It doesn't seem fair to have gray hair AND zits. Shouldn't a person be plagued with one or the other? If I'm old enough for the gray, shouldn't I get to be done with acne? UGH!" It's completely unfair, I tell you. There should be some benefits to getting older. Why am I not seeing them?

(3) I came home from a day of shopping very excited about one purchase in particular. I finally found the sexy black boots I've been looking for and at half price! WOO HOO! When I showed them to my kids, my son leaned over to his sister and said, "They look like hooker boots." What does he know? He thinks "hot" has something to do with being smart.

(4) Imagine my surprise when out of nowhere my kids asked, "Mom, are there gay animals, like, is there such a thing as a gay frog or gay monkey?" Think about that for a minute. Did you wonder about such things when you were a kid? My daughter even retorted with "There might be. They wouldn't know if the other animal was a girl or a boy, would they?" Wow, the lines have been obscured, my friends.

(5) My youngest saw what I was wearing to church and said, "It's the famous boots." Famous?! I'd only owned them for three days. Who knew I could cause such a stir so quickly? You s'pose I've overkilled them? What can I say? I like 'em.

(6) First imagine extreme anxiety, followed by a pounding headache and the inability to know where to start. Next hear me say, "Christmas is in two weeks?!" Prayers are in order, people. I just purchased my first presents yesterday. YESTERDAY! If you saw my list, you'd be sweating too. You see why this time of year is so joyous for me?

(7) I must leave you with more than my daily drivel today. Here's a quote from a book I finished this morning that caught my attention. It comes from Demon: A Memoir by Tosca Lee, a fellow Nebraskan. I highly recommend the novel. It is not your average fare of Christian fiction, making you think about how Satan works in lives. She does an amazing job of crafting a story about a person, yet leaves the ending more about the reader. Here are the demon's final words to the main character:

"I have told you the truth--a truth that, having heard, you are now doubly accountable for. Yes, if you become one of them, those shining souls, what can I do about it? But reject the truth even by refusing to decide, and reap the consequence you rightfully deserve. Do you hear that? That is accountability. It is the sound of hell, calling for you! Having had such an extravagant gift offered you, your rejection can only result in damnation far greater than that of those to whom it was never offered."

Chew on that for the weekend!

Be sure to join Jennifer F. at Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes.

For the Others

As a little girl, she prayed for a miracle.

As a teenager, she prayed for a miracle.

She grew up and prayed and prayed for a miracle.

And then one day, after decades of sincere, belief-filled pleas, God answered her with a resounding "No."

Her world came crashing in for a while, as much for the sadness of what was lost as for her great disappointment in God. He could do it if He wanted. She knew He was capable. She had faith and believed above all odds He would.

But He didn't.

She scoured her Bible for answers. She read of Job and how He praised God for the good and the bad. She came to realize God is under no obligation to explain Himself. Slowly, very slowly, she came to accept His "No". What else could she do?

Life went on and she learned to live without her miracle. God blessed her in many other ways and their relationship grew. Then suddenly, when the pain no longer plagued her and she had long ago reconciled herself to God's plan, without warning came His explanation for her YEARS of hurt and disappointment.

It is for the others.

You had to know the hurt to identify with them, urge them along and show them the hope which comes only from Me. The answer had to be "No" so I could use your pain for them.

The knowledge overwhelmed her. It made sense. Her life had come full circle. He truly did make all things work together for good. He saw and He knew and it was all part of His divine plan. She understood it all, yet felt so sad. It didn't seem quite fair. She knew many would not see it. People would be stubborn and find ways to dismiss it. They would never realize the price she paid for the long shot they might see His Truth.

And then she remembered Jesus.

I have only asked from you what I've been willing to give Myself. Your pain was not wasted.

Had He hurt too as He watched her struggle to understand? Had He worried about what she may think of Him? Had He weeped alongside her all these years thinking, "Just hang on. You'll get it one day. It will be worth it."?


Could YOUR pain be for the sake of the others? Is there any better way to love?

He makes ALL things work together for good.

The pain is not wasted.

The value in our suffering comes when it is used for the sake of others.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:13

Quick Takes Questions

(1) How awesome is God?! We are enjoying the run of our Christmas production and seeing Him work. Who are we that He would invite us to participate? Wow. Really. Wow. No, I mean it. Wow.

(2) Why do we give our teenagers such a bad rap? Last night our fifteen-year-old did a very sweet thing. She left her drumline rehearsal (to understand the significance of this, you have to know she LOVES drumline), purchased candy for me and my husband and brought it out to the church twenty minutes before the show started, just to tell us, "Good Luck. I hope it goes well." How thoughtful is that?! Who says adolescents are self-absorbed?

(3) Does anyone else find it ironic, as my husband did, that a movie titled Role Model is rated R?

(4) Why do women consistently find fault with their bodies? Men don't do this. What kind of missing chip do we have that causes us to notice only our flaws? My daughter, WHO IS A SIZE 3!, thinks she's huge, which makes no sense to me whatsoever. She considers most girls smaller than her which couldn't be further from the truth. When I get on her case about it, she points out my own warped thinking. Poor girl. Guess where she got it from?

(5) What is your favorite Christmas tradition? I'm pretty sure my kids would say it is our tradition of eating by candlelight in December. We shut off everything but the Christmas lights and enjoy the ambiance of a bunch of candles on the table. It's very calming--with the exception of the "discussions" regarding who is lighting or blowing out the candles!

(6) What circumstances in our lives are Satan taunting us and what are God testing us? When my younger son got sick last week, causing us to miss seeing our older son for Thanksgiving, was that Satan taunting us or God testing us? Does it matter? I used to dwell on this whenever a trial would come our way, but now I think no matter what the answer is, my response is the same--do what you need to do. Press on. Or in the words of Dory from Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...."

(7) If we don't expect God to work, will He? Should He? If we don't have the faith to believe His help is possible, why should He intervene? Is trusting in Him above all odds what "child-like faith" means?

I don't have any answers to those questions, but I sure wonder about them. I, like you no doubt, have believed God would do the impossible when He didn't. Quite frankly, He's disappointed me, more than once. But if I give up on Him and quit putting my eggs in His basket, am I saying I only love Him for what He can do for me? Hmm...sounds pretty shallow.


Okay, okay, I'm done philosophizing. I've sure enjoyed these Friday Quick Takes. Click over to Jennifer F. at Conversion Diary to see what she and other people are thinking about today.

Tired

I'm feeling pretty tired tonight, hard-to-keep-my-eyes-open-probably-should-call-it-a-night-but-it-seems-like-too-much-effort-to-drag-myself-to-bed tired.

Yet, I am content and genuinely happy, droopy eyes and all.

Being tired means I am well used by God. Aaah...

Thank You, Lord. You are good.


Visit other Thankful Thursday participants at Grace Alone...

The Sanctuary of Christian Marriage

Demands press in. Days are full. Time marches on. Though they long for more uninterrupted time together, time away from the busyness, it will not come soon.

But one thing is certain: At the end of every day, they retreat to the same place. No matter how hectic or crammed their time is, they are sure to fall into the same bed at night.

In this bed they find reprieve from the world, from the stress, from the responsibilities. Here they can be full of conversation or completely silent, hand in hand or not touching at all. There is comfort alone in the presence of the other.

Often they discover beauty in intimately knowing each other. As one, they experience escape from the ordinary, a place only the two of them can share, a break from the things that weigh on their hearts and minds. Because they share a relationship with God, their union gives glimpses of a realm that exists beyond them, a spiritual dimension which surpasses their understanding.

At the end of every day, he is there, she is there. Every night this private sanctuary provides rest and quiet, unspoken connection in something as simple as a hand on a chest or tender kiss good night. They sleep in the solace of the other, in the security of knowing they do not walk this journey alone, reminded of all that is good and pure, and with sincere gratitude to God for His very good gift of Christian marriage.


Visit Andrea at Embracing Him for more Marriage Monday posts.