I've been worrying about money AGAIN. It seems our monthly expenses keep going up. It's nothing new, but it gets so tiresome. I woke up feeling depressed about it today and asked, "Lord, we work so hard to do things for You and it seems we never get ahead. Why do we always have to worry about money?" (Whenever I ask Him this He always answers, "You don't. Let me." I'm getting better. Practice, practice, practice. UGH! Do you think it would all go away if I actually learned this lesson?)
I went to church and heard about farm families in our community getting hit by hail and a woman whose family has had MORE than their share of health problems having to go to Mayo Clinic and felt guilty for being a whiny baby again. These people's losses were so much greater. Thinking about the problems of those around me made me a little weepy. Why does this life have to be so hard? I don't get it, Lord.
I know I can't see the big picture and I'm not supposed to. If I could see it all I wouldn't have to trust God. I wouldn't grow in my faith. I get that, but I don't necessarily like it.
Our pastor preached on Deuteronomy 10:12-13 and asked us to examine whether we truly obey God in every area of our lives. Nothing blatantly sinful came to mind, but I still asked God, "What don't I obey?"
I got a resounding, "DO NOT FEAR."
Yowsa. It's all over the Bible, over and over and over. And yet I still fear. Why do I worry? I'm afraid.
I wish I had eternal eyes. I wish I would always remember "our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17) God, in His mercy, is providing me opportunities to learn. I need to embrace the tough times. Through them, I will learn not to fear.
Forgive me, Lord, for wishing away growth. My "problems" are proof You are still working on me. Thank you for Your graciousness. Forgive my short-sightedness.